1. When a woman was lying on the bed and having sex with her lover, she suddenly heard the sound of her husband opening the door and entering the house. "Quick! Stand in that corner and don't move!" The woman quickly rubbed baby oil all over his body, sprinkled lime powder on him, and told him softly, "Stand still and don't move, just pretend to be a plaster statue." When her husband entered the room, she pointed at the things in the corner: "What is that?" the woman said calmly, "Oh! It's just a plaster statue. There is also one in the Cai family's bedroom. I thought it was quite beautiful, so I made one for home decoration." The couple stopped talking about the plaster statue until they went to bed. At about two o'clock in the morning, the husband got up and went to the kitchen to eat. When he returned to the room, he held a sandwich and a glass of milk in his hand. He handed it to the plaster statue and said, "Take it and eat something! Don't be like me who stood at Cai's house all day without even a sip of water."
2. Both husband and wife have lovers outside, and they often go out to find excitement by themselves. They rarely spend the night together. One day when both of them were at home, they felt a little guilty about each other, so they were extra gentle. Not wanting the two of them to sleep soundly until early in the morning, the wife suddenly turned over and sat up, murmuring loudly in her sleep: "Oh no, my husband is back!" As soon as the husband heard this, he got up immediately, quickly picked up all the clothes, and jumped out of the window... Comment: So, it's not that one family doesn't belong to the same family, you two are really a perfect match!
3. There was a woman who secretly fooled around with her lover while her husband was at work. One day when the two of them were in bed, the woman heard the sound of her husband's car coming back. She called her lover anxiously: "Hurry up and take your clothes and jump out of the window!" Her lover looked at it and said, "It's raining heavily outside and you want me to jump out?" "If my husband catches us two, we will definitely die," the woman shouted. Her lover had no choice but to pick up his clothes and jump out of the window. As a result, he jumped into a group of marathon runners. He had to join in the running while holding his clothes. One player asked him: "Are you used to running naked?" He replied breathlessly: "Yes, this can reduce air resistance." Another player asked the streaking man: "Are you used to holding clothes in your hands when running?" He replied a little breathlessly: "Yes, this way, after the game, I can put on my clothes and drive home." The man asked again: "Do you usually wear XX clothes for running?" The man said: "Only when it rains."
4. One night, a man walked into the bar and said to the bartender, "Please give me a beer." The bartender said, "Okay, a beer for one penny." The guest didn't believe it and shouted, "A beer for a penny?!" The bartender said, "That's right, one penny!" The guest looked at the menu and said, "Can I have a large rib steak, plus mushrooms, French fries, and two Omelette." Bartender: "Of course, but it's quite expensive." Customer: "How much does it cost?" Bartender: "Where is the owner of this bar?" Bartender: "What is he doing with your wife upstairs?"
5. A certain boss drove on a business trip for several days. Because he was unbearably lonely, he went to a nightclub to find a beautiful girl, and spent a thousand dollars on a romantic night. In order to avoid being interrogated by my wife, who is in charge of finance, I issued a maintenance receipt with the note: The weather is very hot and the tire bursts, please replace it with a new one.
6. There is a seaside village. Most of the men in the village often go to sea and are away from home for a long time. Almost every woman in the village has had an affair, but after the affair they would go to the priest to confess. After a while, the priest suggested to the women: "From now on, we will call the word "love" a fall. Just say "fall" and I will know!"Later, the old priest retired. Before he left, he specifically asked the village chief to tell the new priest the meaning of the word "fall". However, after the new priest took office, the village chief forgot to tell the new priest about this. The women still went to the priest for confession. Every day, some people told the priest that I I fell down today. There were so many people who fell, so the priest went to the village chief and suggested that the village chief should strengthen road construction to prevent too many people from falling. Unexpectedly, the village chief laughed after hearing this. Seeing the village chief smiling so happily, he said angrily: "What are you laughing at! The village chief's wife has fallen three times this week! "
7. A funeral director was working late one day. His job was usually to make a detailed inspection of the dead body before it was sent for burial or incineration. When he was inspecting Mr. Wang's body, he was surprised to find that Mr. Wang's thing was the longest and largest one he had ever seen in his life. "Mr. Wang, I'm so sorry! I can't just send you to be cremated. That something so special of yours must be preserved for future generations. "So the coroner took a scalpel to cut off the thing, wrapped it and put it in a leather bag and took it home. The first one showed it to his wife: "Wife, let me show you something you will never believe!" "He opened the bag and took out the thing. When his wife saw it, she yelled, "Oh my God! Mr. Wang is dead! "
8. There was a middle-aged couple who had two very beautiful daughters, but they had always wanted to have a son. They finally decided to make a final attempt. After several months of hard work, the wife got pregnant and gave birth to a happy little boy nine months later. The father rushed to the nursery to see his newborn son, but was horrified by what he saw. His son turned out to be the ugliest baby he had ever seen. He ran to his wife and told her that he could never be the father of the baby, and asked his wife fiercely: "Are you stealing a man behind my back? His wife smiled at him sweetly and said, "Not this time." "
9. Lao Zheng was lying on the hospital bed dying. His wife Xiao Chan sat beside the bed, holding his hand with tears streaming down her face, and muttering a prayer. Lao Zheng opened his weak eyes and looked at Xiao Chan, opened his pale lips and said softly: "Dear Xiao Chan,..." Xiao Chan covered his mouth: "You are tired! Go to sleep quietly, be good, and don't talk! "Old Zheng said weakly: "But, I have something that I must confess to you! "There's nothing left to express!" You're tired, you'd better sleep well! "Xiaochan said sobbing. "No! No! No! I must confess that I want to die peacefully. I've slept with your sister, your best friend, your best friend's friend. Xiaochan sobbed softly: "I know, that's why I poisoned you!" "
10. Two women drank in the suburbs until dawn. On the way back, they felt anxious and walked into a cemetery on the side of the road. Because they didn't bring toilet paper, the first woman took off her underwear, wiped it, and threw away the underwear. The second woman found a wreath next to her, so she tore off the elegiac couplet and wiped it. Not long after the two women came home, their husbands called each other, "It seems that we should be careful. There must be something wrong with them last night. I found that my wife was not wearing underwear when she came back!" ", "I was even worse. I found a note on my wife's butt, which said: "I will never forget you!" 11. My wife wore a "sexy crotchless underwear" and struck a sexy pose in the bedroom, hoping to surprise her husband. Husband: I told you a long time ago that you should lose weight. Look, your underwear is bursting!
12. Trusting man: "I really love you, but a young lady is pregnant. I have to say it was me." Wife: "I absolutely believe it's not you. Take a closer look at our child. How does it look like you?" 13. Requests and reasons At night, a couple was lying on the bed.The husband gently patted his wife on the shoulder and began to rub her arm. The wife turned around and said, "Honey, I'm sorry, I have to see a gynecologist tomorrow. I want to keep it clean." The husband was rejected and turned around helplessly to get ready for bed. But after a few minutes, the husband turned around again and began to pat his wife's shoulders gently. This time he leaned into her ear and asked softly: Do you also want to go to the dentist tomorrow?
14. There is no mistake. The husband complained: "Dear, you gave my name to our puppy, so I will often make mistakes." The wife replied very angrily: "So you can save all the money you spent on underwear!!" Husband: "..."
16. A playboy husband There is such a playboy husband, and he has ambiguous relationships with many women. One time, his wife heard the tidbits about her husband. She loudly accused her husband: "Marriage is not a child's play. How can you be so casual?" The husband hugged his wife and said, "Dear, you must know that these are just a show!" Hearing her husband's sophistry, the wife was even more furious. She shouted: "I originally thought it was just a one-act play, but now it seems it is a series! Have you finished it yet?" 17. Zhou Gong's Interpretation of Dreams After waking up, the wife said to her husband: "I just had a dream. I dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace on Valentine's Day. What do you think this dream means?" "You will know tonight." His husband replied. That night, her husband brought back a small bag to her, and she opened it with joy: it was a book "The Interpretation of Dreams by Duke Zhou".
18. After quarreling with my wife, my wife went to boil water in a muffled voice. After a while, I felt very thirsty and wanted to ask her if the water was boiled, so I casually said, "You haven't left yet?!" After hearing this, my wife ran away from home in anger.
19. Wife who talks in sleep: Husband, you have been talking in your sleep lately. Do you want to go to the hospital for a check-up? Husband: That's not necessary. If it's cured, my last right to speak will be taken away.
20. Snoring My wife has always complained that I snore, but I have never heard myself snoring, so I have never admitted it. One day, my wife played the recording on her cell phone and said, "Listen to yourself, how loud the snoring is." I had no choice but to admit it. When I picked up my phone to study my snoring again, I found that I was not at home that day during the recording time...
