Dian★ <Abbot, when exactly are you going to marry me?>

1. 'Fangzhang, when are you finally going to marry me?' 'Shitai, we are both monastics, how could we…' 'If you don't marry me, I will immediately kill this old Taoist with the ox nose!' 'NMGB, old thief nun! If you dare touch him, I'll fight you!'
2. At the school assembly, the dean gave the final remarks: 'In short, I hope that wherever you are, you always remember that you are a student of this school. You must not smoke while walking, or wear shorts in the classroom, and even in your own room, you should not discuss indecent topics.' 'Also, female students, if some boys like Zhu Ge bother you, don't pay them any attention. You should ask yourself, is it worth ruining your lifelong reputation for an hour of pleasure?' 'Alright, any questions?' Just as the room went silent, a delicate voice suddenly said: 'Excuse me… how can I make him last for an hour?'
3. This afternoon I was chatting with a group of female colleagues when someone suddenly said I'm not a man. I got angry and said, 'If you say I'm not, I'll show you.' The girls all laughed, and one particularly bold one said, 'Go ahead, show it…' So I took out my ID card.
4. A house was rented to multiple men and women, so the bathroom had to be shared, and taking a shower required waiting in line. One night, Xiao Wu came back from outside and wanted to take a shower, but a woman was already in the bathroom. So Xiao Wu asked, 'Miss, is someone showering down there?' The woman was very angry and replied, 'I can wash down there myself! How boring…'
5. Just started working, and every time I looked back, I would meet a man's lecherous glare. One night, I received a message from this person: 'Are you free tonight?' Feeling cautious, I replied with four words: 'What do you want?' Shortly after, a message popped up on my phone with only one word: 'Want.' I felt so wronged.
6. 'Bro, need a massage?' 'No.' 'Our service is very attentive, and the girls are all very pretty.' 'No.' 'Several girls are university students, and the price is very reasonable.' 'Oh? University students are perfect. I wonder what services you provide?' 'We provide all kinds of services, what do you need?' 'I have a high-level math problem I can't solve. Can one of you help me solve it?'
7. A beautiful woman got out of a taxi but left her camera on the back seat. The driver quickly stuck his head out the window and shouted to her: 'Miss, your camera~.' Flustered, the woman turned around and scolded: 'You TMD look like a duck!' Then the taxi drove away. She ran after it shouting: 'Driver, my camera, my camera…'
8. Around 3 AM today I got up to steal crops in QQ Farm. My ex-girlfriend's pomegranate happened to be ripe, so I took it without mercy. In the morning, when I opened QQ Space at work, I saw her message: 'If you had been as lively at night as you are now, we wouldn't have broken up.'
9. Yesterday I went to a friend's house. A cactus I hadn't seen for a while had grown a lot. Curious, I asked, and the aunt said: 'Don't look, this pot was just bought yesterday.' I asked, 'What about the previous pot?'The auntie said softly: Your brother used it up like a toothpick... 10. A young man noticed the signal in the company restroom was unstable. When he stood up, his phone was full, but when he squatted, there was no signal. With no other choice, he had to edit a text message while squatting down and raised his hand to send it. Another colleague in the restroom saw this and got curious, so he opened the bathroom door and then closed it again. Then he said: Someone actually took selfies while using their main account, their expression was bright, and the scene was disgusting...... 11. Someone went to visit his friend, but his friend wasn't there—only his friend's wife was there. His friend's wife was very beautiful, so he started having bad intentions, and his wife noticed it. So she said to her friend, "My husband came back when he was little!" The friend was startled and said, "I didn't do anything, please forgive me!" The wife replied, "I'm not blaming you, I was just reminding you of the time." 12. A new female colleague joined the company. The female colleague introduced herself, and it was clear she was very nervous! Her legs were still shaking as she spoke, and she said, "Hello everyone! I~ My surname is Gou, completely naked!" "Everyone in the company burst out laughing on the spot!! 13. There were many people on the bus. After finally finding a seat, I sat down and fell asleep. In a daze, I was startled awake by the brakes and felt someone standing beside me holding a child. I quickly stood up from my seat and loudly said, "You're holding the child, I'm giving up your seat. Please sit down!" Everyone's attention turned to me. I looked closely and saw a little girl beside me, blushing and holding a plush toy! 14. On Valentine's Day, a girl called me: "Come to my place, no one's here!" I ran off excitedly! After knocking for a long time, I found no one was there.