2. Today, this lousy old lady of ours, her family was all crying in grief, and suddenly someone's phone rang, the knock-off ringtone was loud… Thought to myself, today is a good day, anything you wish for can come true. Tomorrow is a good day, opened the door and welcomed the spring breeze.
3. Today my husband bought a new phone. Later, when he was driving, I helped him set it up and download apps. The phone screen can hold 4 contacts, I copied the contacts from the SIM card. I saw one called
4. The building across the street… 11:55… a little girl was screaming wildly, crying wildly, banging on the door, calling for her dad to open the door, she was afraid to sleep alone, she wanted to sleep with daddy. That useless old man was deaf and didn't respond. The child kept crying, screaming, banging the door, crying… crying… half an hour went by… despairingly she called: "Daddy, open the door! Aunt open the door! I want to come in and sleep…"
5. One day I was stealing vegetables online. Just finished stealing, and my friend called. Turned out it was his mom. Mom: Is this XX? Me: Yes, Aunt. Mom: You stole my vegetables?? Don't steal them next time.
6. This morning I received a leave note, which read: "Teacher, our classmate XX could not be treated effectively at the school hospital…" My mind went 'boom,' shocking me. Just a few days ago they were alive, how come now… Tears suddenly streamed down my face, cried for a while, then picked up that note again, suddenly seeing: "Therefore, today they will be transferred to the city for further treatment, hoping the teacher will approve leave!"7. This morning I received a leave note that read: 'Teacher, a certain student in our class is transferring to the city for further treatment after ineffective care at the school hospital...' My mind went 'boom!' just like that. A few days ago, this student was alive and well; how come now... My tears welled up, and I cried for a long time. Then I picked up the note again and saw: 'Therefore, he/she is being transferred to the city for continued treatment. We hope the teacher will approve the leave!'
8. In middle school, during an evening study session, a boy in the row in front of me suddenly turned around and said: 'In ten years, I will definitely come back to marry you.' When I heard that, my face turned bright red. We were quite close, but I never expected him to say that. Then he continued, 'Come back to take your life... haha.'
9. Just heard recently: A few days ago at a company meal, a young colleague asked for a large bottle of Sprite. He poured for everyone, and when it was his turn, the bottle was empty. So he shook the Sprite bottle and asked the waiter: 'Is there any more of this?' The waiter ran over eagerly, took the bottle, examined it carefully, and sincerely said, 'There's none left.'
10. In middle school, there was a effeminate boy in class. Once during self-study, someone laughed at him for being effeminate. He couldn't hold it in, slammed the desk, stood up, and shouted at that person: 'If you keep calling me effeminate, be careful or I'll turn against you!'
11. Working at a telecom service center, a customer came to pay the bill. I asked: 'What's the number?' The customer thought for a while and angrily replied: 'Look, it's you! The number I memorized all the way here, you interrupted me! You find it for me!'
12. A friend went shopping for home appliances and saw a home scale on the floor. This friend is heavy and wanted to try it out. So he immediately stepped on it. 'Crunch!' Later, it turned out that it was an induction cooker.
13. In elementary school art class, the teacher asked everyone to draw something they liked. One child really didn't know what to draw, so he peeked at his deskmate and saw him wildly scribbling with a black crayon on white paper, covering one side completely, then the other. The whole paper was black. That student couldn't help but ask: 'What are you drawing?' ... 'Seaweed.'
14. Going out for a meal with two enthusiastic female colleagues (both plump), they schemed to set me up with someone.I want to say: You two matchmakers are really enthusiastic. But the moment you opened your mouths: You two fat women... 15. Last night I had a wet dream... my wife has been sleeping next to me for five years... the content of the dream was SY... and the person involved was a male colleague... 16. A few of us were playing World of Warcraft. The counselor did a room inspection, got furious, snatched the mouse, dragged the WoW shortcut on the desktop to the recycle bin, emptied it, and said: Let's see you play again! 17. I live on the 3rd floor. A young boy moved into the apartment downstairs, about 4 years old. Starting from this afternoon, he has been shouting like a broken record: Two little bees, fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly fly... I really couldn't take it anymore, so I opened the window and shouted: You! Stop! Singing! Now!!!!!! Three seconds later, I heard: MUA MUA! 17. Today my dad called my mom's phone. Mom was busy, so I answered it. Me: Hello? Dad: Hey, where's your dad? Me: Huh? Dad: What's your dad doing? Me: Uh... making a phone call. Bi Ping said to the waiter: 'Do you still have this?'The waiter came running over, took the bottle, carefully inspected it, and said sincerely, "No, it's gone." 10. Back in middle school, there was a boy in class who was effeminate. One time during self-study, someone laughed at him. He couldn't help but get angry, slammed the table, stood up, and shouted at the man, "If you keep calling me effeminate, watch out or I'll turn against you!" 11. At the telecom service hall, a customer came to pay a bill. I asked, "What's the number?" The customer thought for a long time and angrily replied, "Look, it's you!" "I was carrying the number all the way but you interrupted and lost it!" "Find it for me!" 12. A friend went shopping for home appliances and saw a household scale on the floor. This friend was chubby and wanted to try it out when he saw the scale. So he immediately stepped on it, and with a "crack," it turned out to be an induction cooker. 13. The elementary school art teacher asked everyone to draw something they liked. One child really didn't know what to draw, so he peeked at his deskmate and saw him wildly coloring one side of white paper with black crayons, then the other, and finally both sides covered in black. The classmate couldn't help but ask, "What are you drawing?" ..."Seaweed" 14. I had dinner with two kind female colleagues (plump types) at work. They arranged to introduce me to potential partners. I want to say: You two matchmakers are really enthusiastic, but as soon as you start talking: You two fat ladies..... 15. I had a wet dream last night...... My wife has been sleeping next to me for five years...... The dream was about sex...... And the partner was a male colleague...... 16. The guys played Warcraft. The counselor was making room rounds, got furious, snatched the mouse, dragged the desktop Warcraft shortcut into the recycle bin, cleared it, and said: You want to play again!17. I live on the 3rd floor. There's a little kid living downstairs who just moved in, maybe 4 years old. Since this afternoon, he's been shouting like a broken record: Two little bees, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly… I really couldn't take it anymore, so I opened the window and shouted: You! Come! Here! Right! Now!!!!!! Three seconds later, I heard: MUA MUA!
17. Today, Dad called Mom's phone. At that time, Mom was busy, so I answered. Me: Hello Dad: Hey, where's your father? Me: Huh? Dad: What's your dad doing? Me: Uh… making a phone call
1、 大学同寝打电话告诉我说**了,终于结束了27年的处~男生涯。恭喜之后,我XE的打听了一下细节。结果他说他女朋友也是处,然后下面引用原对话……“一开始都找不到地方”“不会吧,怎么可能找不到,你也没少看X片啊”“真的,怎么找也找不到,她也不知道”“那最后怎么~破~的处啊?”***此段为隐藏部分丶须回复后才可看到***.我眼泪哗一下就下来了,哭了好会,又拿起那张纸条,忽见:“所以今天转到城里继续治疗,望老师准假!”8、 初中的时候,一个晚自习,前桌的一个男生突然转身对我说:“10后我一定会回来娶你。”我一听,脸爆红,跟他玩得比较好,但没想到他会这么说。。然后,他接着说,“回来取你狗命。。哈哈”9、 刚听来的 前几天单位吃饭,一小年轻同事要了一瓶大雪碧,给大家倒了一圈,轮到自己的时候瓶子空了。于是该同事晃着雪碧瓶对服务员说:“这个还有吗?”服务员屁颠屁颠地跑过来,接过瓶子仔仔细细地检查了一遍,一脸诚恳地说:“没有了。”10、 初中的时候班上有个男的娘娘腔,有次上自习的时候有人笑他娘。他忍不住火了,桌子一拍站起来对那个人吼到:“你要再说我娘娘腔,小心老娘我跟你翻脸!”11 、在电信营业厅上班,有一客户来缴费,我问:号码多少?客户想了半天怒答:你看,就是你!我背了一路的号码被你打岔没了!你给我找出来!12 、一朋友去逛家电,看到地上摆着一个家用体重秤,此友体胖,见到秤就想去试试。于是马上踏了上去,“嘎嘣”一声,事后证明,那个是一个电磁炉。13 、小学美术课老师叫大家画自己喜欢的东西一个小朋友实在不知道画什么就偷看同桌就见他用黑蜡笔在白纸上狂涂涂完一面再涂另一面最后两面全都涂满了黑色该同学忍不住问你画的是什么啊?...“紫菜”14、 和公司两个热心的女同事(丰满型)一起吃饭,她们张罗了给我介绍对象。我想说:你们这两个媒婆真热情啊结果一开口:你们两个肥婆.....15、 昨晚上梦遗了……老婆睡在旁边都五年了……做梦的内容是SY……而且对象是个男同事……16、 哥几个玩魔兽。辅导员查房,大怒,一把抢过鼠标,把桌面魔兽的快捷方式拖进回收站,清空,曰:让你再玩!17、 我住3楼,楼下家有个小小子儿,刚搬来的,4岁吧,今天从下午开始就象复读机一样喊: 两只小蜜蜂啊,飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀飞呀...................................我实在受不了了,拉开窗户喊:你!倒!是!亲!哪!!!!!!3秒后听到:MUA MUA !17 、今天老爸打电话到老妈的手机上,当时老妈在忙,我就接了。我:喂老爸:唉,你爸爸呢?我:啊?老爸:你爸干吗呢?我:额。。。打电话呢
