I was just surfing the internet at the internet cafe and blocked the women's restroom! Luckily, no one knows it was me!

Under the dim yellow streetlight, a lonely figure slipped into an internet café deep in a small alley. All that was left behind was a lonely silhouette. Yes, that was me. In the quiet internet café, from every corner, there was a strong, odd smell reminiscent of a fox—an unpleasant corner. Suddenly, a crisp voice rang out: 'Back then, you spread your legs—spread them as you wished. Now, it's hundreds of yuan to repair the membrane...' Yes, that was still me, sitting skewed in that broken corner of the internet café, gently humming the divine song 'Love Trade.' Nearby, a newly hired female internet manager cast a look at me, ambiguously smiling. I helplessly shook my head, the corners of my mouth curling into a faint, ambiguous bitter smile. I calmly tapped the keyboard and continued singing loudly this divine song that the world has not forgotten. My expression fluctuated with the moving melody—sometimes melancholic, sometimes excited, sometimes conflicted… I smiled slyly, moving my hands and feet, revealing a lewd yet captivating smile. Suddenly, I felt a bit of an itch in my nose and dug out a piece of black-green material. Casually flicking it, it surprisingly stuck to my finger again. I flicked once more, and it stuck again. I laughed helplessly and put my finger in my mouth—slightly salty... I turned my head. The beautiful female internet manager was standing behind me, her eyes filled with intense murderous intent. I knew she was about to kill me. But she finally couldn't hold herself back. 3 seconds, 2 seconds, 1 second... She dashed to the restroom in a single bound, and then all I could hear was a series of disgusting vomiting sounds from inside. Uninformed people in the internet café grumbled: 'Damn, who is pregnant and still going to the internet café to play games?' I gave an evil smile. Suddenly, a certain part of my body felt uncomfortable, my stomach hurt. I hurried to buy a pack of tissues from the bar counter to go to the restroom. On the way to the restroom, the pain in my stomach worsened, as if a curved knife was scraping inside—could retribution have come this soon? Confused, I continued in pain. Nearby, a few beautiful girls were playing games. I couldn't take it anymore, holding onto the table legs they were sitting at, my body half-crouched. One of them, a beauty wearing red glasses, took off her headset and asked, 'Big brother, what's wrong? Are you uncomfortable somewhere?' I waved my hand slightly and calmly replied, 'It's nothing, just a leg cramp. It'll be fine soon.' At that moment, another girl with a ponytail suddenly tapped the keyboard. I felt my stomach lighten. It was a silent fart, no sound, but the smell was strong, extremely unpleasant. Someone then shouted hoarsely, 'Oh crap, internet manager! What the hell broke!'}"I realized that at this moment I should take the initiative, so I jumped in before that woman and asked, 'Who the hell farted?' The beauty wearing red glasses pinched her nose and said to me, 'Big brother, you're really good at pretending; it's obviously you who did it!' I was unhappy at the time, still holding onto the table, and said, 'Damn, aren't you slandering me? I'm so handsome, how could I possibly fart something that strong? How could it be?' The woman picked up her backpack, leaned back a little, and said to me, 'Then why don't you leave? Why are you squatting here?' I replied confidently, 'Wouldn't you cramp your legs if I left?' So I hobbled toward the restroom, feeling like I was about to lose it, thinking desperately, 'Please don't let me poop my pants, I beg you.' Finally, I made it to the bathroom. Looking inside, I was in despair — the men's restroom was full, the red-marked stalls, no choice, I had to go to the women's restroom to handle it. Urgently, I dashed into the women's restroom. Luckily, nobody was inside. As soon as I entered, I heard a 'bang,' immediately followed by 'clap-clap' — the two sounds overlapping. It felt like a machine gun firing wildly and a cannon exploding simultaneously. Overall, it was pretty relieving, although the smell was disgusting, making me dizzy. Then I skillfully finished, throwing the toilet paper in as well. Turning around, I was shocked — the white tiles were completely covered in poop. I pressed the flush button, hearing the beautiful sound of rushing water, 'gurgle gurgle,' spinning continuously. The spinning speed was just right, but it wouldn't flush the waste. The toilet paper was blocking the entrance, and the poop wouldn't go down. But I stayed calm and pressed the flush again. This time it was intense, and I thought it should be fine, but the water level kept rising, still not flushing. Ever since I was a kid, I was taught at home, 'Take responsibility, you're a man!' So I steeled myself, took a glove out of my pocket, and carefully removed the toilet paper blocking the entrance, throwing it into the bin. The water level went down, and I pressed the flush for the third time. The tragedy began: the torrent and poop spun at high speed together, rising continuously, rising continuously. Damn, it erupted... I hurriedly used my hand to hold onto the top panel, supporting my body so that my shoes wouldn't get contaminated by the mess."It was all soaked in soup inside, the scene was just too chaotic, my arm was getting weak, so I could only tiptoe to land on a clean spot and then go unlock the lock. I opened the door just a crack, and it turned out that the female internet cafe manager had just finished vomiting and was standing in front of the mirror fixing her hairstyle. Obviously, after fixing her hair, she might still go to the bathroom. I thought, this is it, now it's really bad. If she steps in and steps on the poop, she'd kill me for sure. So I continued hiding inside, lit a cigarette, and thought about a plan. Then outside came another sweet female voice, 'Sister, why haven't you finished in the bathroom yet? Is someone inside?' 'Yes, there should be, don't you smell how strong it is?' Originally, I thought I'd take advantage of the female manager not paying attention and rush out quickly, but now there were two people in line. It became even harder to escape. After all, the eyes of the public are sharp. I saw the filth about to overflow the door panel and seep outside. I felt extremely anxious. With things at this stage, escaping was my only option. I checked the door lock, no problem, then climbed onto the windowsill and opened the window. A cold breeze hit me, it was pleasantly fragrant and refreshing! I gasped and immediately spat out a mouthful of saliva, exclaiming, 'So smelly!' I was on the second floor! Looking down, there was a pile of garbage below. A pile of garbage? Gotta jump even from the heated brick bed? I'm someone who values face over life, so I didn't care. I took a deep breath, aimed at the garbage below, shouted, 'Here I come!' and leaped. Suddenly, the world felt lighter. With a 'crash', I hit the ground in a prone position. My head went fuzzy at the time, I was covered in garbage. I hurriedly cleaned the garbage off, cursing: 'Damn! Whose un—derwear is this?' 'Damn! Whose bra is this?' 'Damn! There are even a few black ha—irs, whose are they?' After cleaning myself, just as I was about to leave, I suddenly felt something wrong under my feet. There was a soft, strange feeling. I quickly lifted my foot. 'Damn, it's a pile of dog poop!' I pinched my nose, wiped it off on the nearby grass, and then tidied my hairstyle. A handsome guy like me always has to keep his image. Then, I walked away proudly and re-entered the internet cafe from the first floor.To show my calmness, Ge purposely bought a grilled sausage at the first-floor bar and ate it while walking. Who would suspect that I had jumped off a building? Then I went up to the second floor, and the female network admin and another woman were still anxiously waiting. I felt so delighted inside. It was like eating a lollipop. Eventually, they found two male network admins, and after a brief discussion among a few of them, they came up with three conclusions: NO. 1: Someone is giving birth inside. NO. 2: Someone has their period and is cleaning up inside. NO. 3: It's very likely someone had an epileptic seizure and already died inside. At that moment, I was annoyed. Why can't these people think positively?! I stood by, chewing my sausage, ready to watch the commotion with a relaxed posture. The first male network admin kicked the toilet door hard, trying to break it open, then patted it with his hand, 'Is it okay in there? Give me a sign!' Then the second male network admin pushed him aside with his elbow. 'Step aside, you useless idiot.' In the eyes of the second male admin, a flash of gold appeared. He raised his leg and delivered a spinning kick, smashing the door open. 'Smack!' the second male admin rushed in and stepped on some feces. He exclaimed, 'Damn, who's being so despicable? Damn!' He pinched his nose and cleaned up the mess with water. The first male admin looked around inside the toilet and told the others, 'It's over, this kid blocked the women's restroom and even deliberately jumped off the building to get away.' The female network admin, who was combing her hair in the mirror, saw me standing by, constantly chewing that delicious sausage, and spoke to me, 'Do you think this bastard is despicable?' I nodded and said, 'Despicable. Really damn despicable.' To this day, the culprit still roams free. While streaming with everyone, I kept turning my head, afraid the network admin might be standing behind me watching...