Dear Ms. Luo Yufeng,
Hello, earlier yesterday, I received a security briefing presented to me by the National Security Agency, which claimed that someone in mainland China intended to consider me as their mate. This shocked me and my staff greatly. After an urgent investigation by agents from the U.S. National Security Agency, for the sake of my personal safety, the agents hoped I would issue instructions on this matter as soon as possible. Therefore, I have made the careful decision to write this letter to you, hoping that you will refrain from taking any further actions, so as not to affect Sino-American relations and the safety and stability of people worldwide.
Ms. Luo, although I do not know you personally very well, according to Hillary's report, she greatly admires you personally. She emphasized that your courage and vision are no less than the United States' missile defense strategy; your appearance is beyond human imagination. Even James Cameron, the director of the movie "Avatar," once stated that although the film is fictional, every time he sees you, it is as if he has seen a real-life Pandora inhabitant. He even worried that you might sue his movie characters for infringing on your likeness, while criticizing him for behaving like those counterfeit phone wholesalers who only copy and imitate. Regarding this, I also express my highest respect to you personally.
As you have seen, I already have a family, so I am sorry I cannot fulfill your wish to marry me. Moreover, your vision and wisdom are far beyond my reach. You once said that in the past 600 years, no one could surpass you. If I were with you, I am very concerned that you might sell me to Africa as a miner and then sell the United States to Bin Laden. Perhaps your thoughts can completely surpass Einstein's "Theory of Relativity," but I hope you will not use your big mouth to eat the light bulbs he invented, because Edison would be very unhappy.
Of course, regarding your profound cultural background, I can only glimpse it through a tube and cannot fully comprehend it, because the books you have read are those unheard of by the American people for hundreds of years. You stand at the forefront of social development with a proud and triumphant posture, leading global cultural trends and driving the direction of social and cultural undertakings. Even I feel inferior and far behind compared to you.Therefore, in order to better serve the American people and improve the unbearable state of American society, I have decided to distribute "Zhiyin" and "Story Collection" to all members of Congress, so that they can strive to absorb the essence and meaning within and lead the American people out of the economic crisis as soon as possible.
Finally, on behalf of all the people of the United States, I hope you can find true love soon, thereby breaking the definition of the limits of human psychological endurance.
Obama in Washington
