The love letter from the White Bone Spirit to Sun Wukong
\Dear Kong:\I am Xiaobai, the one you hit three times last time. I miss you so much, but why have you been ignoring me? I understand you are focused on your master and protecting him, but recently, your second junior brother's flesh has become more valuable than your master's. You have to take care of both of them. You are getting thinner and less like a monkey; you need to take care of your health.\By the way, do you know who I am? White Bone Spirit? That's only half correct. White Bone Spirit is my later identity. Actually, I am your neighbor, the little girl who used to pick peaches for you when you were trapped under the Five Finger Mountain. When I was little, you called me LOLI, do you remember? I have liked you since childhood, your melancholic eyes, sparse beard, especially your long fur, and your noble act of not spitting out peach pits deeply moved me.\Back then everything was beautiful; who would have thought that time shows no mercy? Later, I became an old lady and felt too embarrassed to see you, so I became a Taoist demon. Though I started halfway, I learned very fast. Now I can disguise my age and different identities, and I'm not afraid of little immortals either. But after all, since I started halfway, I worked harder than others. Do you understand that?\Kong Kong, everything I did was for you. I repeated the college entrance exam for two years before I got admitted to the specialty in demonology, a combined bachelor-master program. The year I entered college, I was 82 years old. The media reported on me, calling me the oldest college student; it was quite glorious. Later, seeing you still under the mountain, I pursued a PhD, which took me a total of 385 years. Our mentor is really amazing. We can video chat later; now I look much younger than when I first came here, looking like I'm 20!\Kong Kong, you know, these years haven't been easy. To prevent you from saying I'm old, I spent all my money on cosmetics (also the reason I haven't been online for a long time). Nowadays, there are so many cosmetics in the market, like Oupolai, Biotherm, and H2O. By the way, I'll send you two bottles of men's products later. Just apply a little when you are free—it's quite trendy; everyone likes it now!\Kong Kong, the other day I knew you had left the mountain. At that time, I was accompanying Mr. Tang on a vacation to India. You got such a good job right after getting out of prison—I admire you so much! To meet you, I even gave up my diplomas and ran to the roads to wait for you. I spent all the money I had, then went to live in a cave—no air conditioning in summer, no heating in winter. It was really tough.\Kong Kong, after all these years, I still don't know what type you like, so I pretended to be a village girl to get close to you. Who would have thought you don't like that type and immediately dismissed me. You're not young anymore, so I thought maybe you'd like someone older, and I even disguised myself as a 60-something old unmarried woman, but you still didn't like it. This really stumped me—if you don't like young or old, then you must like men. Disguising myself as a man took a lot of effort, and I thought this time it would work, but you remained indifferent.\I analyzed it carefully again and suspected that you were just shy because your master was present. Actually, what your master says isn't necessarily right. He said, “Humans are born of humans, demons are born of demons.” That's wrong; at least my mother is a genuine human. Also, when he sang “ONLY YOU” to show off his vibrato, my friends all said it was disgusting. You definitely shouldn't imitate him.\Dear Kong, if you have feelings, I will be waiting for you in a café near the White Bone Cave in three days. When you come in and see someone drinking soy milk, that'll be me!\Love, your Xiao Bai
