1. I'm a football fan, and my girlfriend loves to tag along every day. One day I took her to watch a match. Near the end of the game, she suddenly excitedly shouted, 'Look, look, number 3 is going on!' I looked and laughed, saying, 'That's three minutes of stoppage time.'
2. Our office installed a sensor door, which had been working fine. One day, someone unknowingly set the sensor to a very long response time. A short colleague walked up to the door, and nothing happened. Then two girls walked up right behind, and the door opened immediately. One girl said to the other, 'See? It's not even reacting to short people!'
3. Three girls went to get tattoos. The first said, 'I want a rose tattoo on my arm.' The second said, 'I'm a Snake in the zodiac, so I want a little snake.' The third said, 'I want a mosquito tattoo on my palm, with blood, flattened.' The other two girls curiously asked, 'Why a mosquito?' She said, 'If I run into a bad man, I'll slap him. If he gets angry, I'll open my palm for him to see—look, I just squashed a mosquito.'
4. A young woman went to the movies wearing a tank top and flip-flops. The ticket inspector stopped her at the entrance and said, 'Miss, you can't enter wearing flip-flops.' The woman immediately took off her flip-flops and held them in her hand, saying, 'Then I should be able to enter barefoot, right?' The inspector was shocked and said, 'Wow, luckily I didn't say no tank tops allowed.'