\1. Novice
A novice went to collect loan sharks. He took out the IOU and said with a smile: It clearly says in black and white that you owe my boss 1 million! Do you want to default on your debt? ! The person said that he really didn't have that much money, so he threatened: Hum! Don't blame me for not reminding you! If you can't pay the money tomorrow, your house will be like it - he took out his lighter and burned the IOU...
2. Old Man
An old man got bored after retiring, so he taught the parrot to talk every day! I had to teach it to say "Good morning!" every morning. But after a few months, the parrot still didn't speak. The old man was very discouraged and stopped teaching that morning. At this time, I heard the parrot shouting to the old man: "Old man! You are awesome today! You don't even say hello to me when you see me?!"
3. Love Theory
The white lady tricked Xu Xian into giving her umbrella when it rained on purpose, Zhu Yingtai sold her eighteenth-year-old clothes and flirted with Brother Liang, the Seven Fairies blocked Dong Yong's way, the Cowherd took away the Weaver Girl's clothes while she was taking a bath... These stories tell us that at the beginning of a great love, one of us has to play the rogue first!
4. Gift-Giving
An international student was involved in a lawsuit in the UK and asked a British lawyer to give a gift to the judge. The lawyer said: "Absolutely not, you will definitely lose if I give it to you!" In the end, the international student still gave a gift to the judge, but he won the lawsuit. The lawyer was puzzled. The international student said: "I mailed a package to the judge, but it was the name of the other party!" Hum, what can I say about the wisdom of the Chinese people?
5. Disfigurement
A boy was dissatisfied with his girlfriend's cheating and followed her to a nightclub. When he saw her having sex with another boy, he rushed forward with a bottle of unknown liquid in his hand: I'm going to disfigure you! Let's see how you steal it! After saying that, he poured the liquid on the girl's face. When the people next door saw her disfigurement, they were all frightened away. The girl was very scared, but was surprised that she didn't feel any sting after a while, so she asked: What did you splash? ...The boy said: It's makeup remover!
6. We haven't gotten to know each other yet
There were two mental patients who climbed up the ladder to the roof one day, and one of them rolled down the ladder. The other one was still on the roof. A doctor happened to pass by and asked the patient who rolled down, why did he roll down instead of climbing down? The patient said: I am Apple. The doctor thinks this one is hopeless, so is the one above normal? So I asked again, why can't the people above come down? The above answer said: He is crazy, and we haven't gotten to know each other yet~
7. Parking lot
A rich man went to a Wall Street bank to borrow a loan of 5,000 yuan. The loan period was two weeks. The bank loan must be mortgaged. The rich man used the Rolls-Royce parked at the door as collateral. The bank clerk parked his Rolls-Royce in the underground garage and lent the rich man 5,000 yuan. Two weeks later, the rich man came to pay back the money, and the interest totaled 15 yuan. The bank employee found that there were millions in the rich man's account and asked why he still wanted to borrow money. The rich man said: You will never find a parking lot on Wall Street for 15 yuan for two weeks.
8. When I was in junior high school, I was obsessed with martial arts novels. I read them all the time in class. One time, I was watching Jin Yong's "Dragon Movie" in class. The teacher found out, confiscated it, and then yelled: Hand over the other seven books to me! 9. The Tragedy of Men Every woman has two versions: the hardcover and the paperback. The former is for others to read in the workplace and social situations, with heavy makeup and radiant appearance; the latter is for the people she loves most at home, put on house clothes and pajamas, and complains.Husbands in marriage often only see paperbacks of their wives and hardcovers of other women. 10. Cheating Two students with extremely poor grades got together after taking an exam. "Jack, how did you do in the exam?" "It's nothing. I handed in a blank paper. What about you, Sili?" "Hey, me too!" "How come? People will say we cheated." 11. Beautiful and stupid The husband said to his wife: "Why did God make women so beautiful but so stupid?" The wife replied: "God made us beautiful so that you would love us; God made us stupid so that we would love you." 12. Talking in sleep: The wife said to her husband with concern: "Husband, you have been talking in your sleep lately. How about I accompany you to the hospital for a physical check-up?" The husband replied in panic: "No, if the doctor cures me of this problem, then I will no longer have any say in the family!" 13. A temple for eminent monks. Eminent Monk: Please donate some money as a benefactor. Three hundred to five hundred will do. Me: I didn't bring that much money, maybe next time. Monk: It doesn't matter, we can swipe credit cards here. Me: Sorry, I didn't bring the card with me either. Monk: It doesn't matter. We can also get mortgage loans here, and the monthly interest is only 3%. Me: Sorry, I have nothing to pledge. Monk: ...Please fill out this organ donation form... 14. God is unreliable. An old couple who were born in the same year, same month and same day celebrated their 60th birthday! During the banquet, God came and said that he could grant the couple two wishes! The old woman said: "My dream is to travel around the world." God waved the magic wand in his hand, wow! A stack of plane tickets was conjured up. The old man said: "I want to live with a woman who is 30 years younger than me." God waved the magic wand in his hand, wow! Turned the old man into 90 years old! 15. He was beaten to death. When I was a child, my teacher told me: There is a hardworking guy and a lazy guy in every person. When you hesitate, they will fight. In elementary school, the diligent guy often defeated the lazy guy. In junior high school, it was a tie. In high school, the lazy guy often won. But when I got to college, I suddenly discovered that they stopped fighting, and the damn hard-working guy was beaten to death. 16. I understand your sister. A child asked a rich man: Sir, why are you so rich? The rich man said: When I was a child, I had nothing like you. My father gave me an apple, so I sold that apple, used the money I earned to buy two more apples, and then sold it to buy four more apples. The child was thoughtful and said: Sir, I seem to understand. Mr. Rich said: You know your sister. Later, my father died and I inherited all his inheritance. 18. A good drinker. Son: "Why do you need to wipe a cotton ball before giving an injection?" Father: "That's alcohol. Wipe your butt first to make it drunk, and then the injection will stop hurting." Son: "But I still feel pain!" Father: "That's because your butt has a good drink capacity!" 19. Revenge Mrs. Mary goes to court for running a red light. The judge stared at her and asked: Mrs. Mary? Yes. You used to be a teacher at West District Primary School? Yes, how do you know? The judge smiled, I was your student. Mrs. Mary also smiled and relaxed. The judge went on to say, I have been waiting for this day for more than 20 years, and now I will fine you a thousand times. "I made a mistake by running a red light, and I will never do it again." 20. It's your turn to chase me. Someone was interning in a mental hospital, and suddenly a mentally ill patient chased him with a kitchen knife. 21. The first bad joke in human history. In ancient times, two monkeys were walking on the road, and one of them said, "Hey, why are we standing still?" "After a while, the other one turned around and said: "...Aren't we monkeys? How can you talk?" At this moment, humans have completed their evolution from monkeys to humans!——The first cold joke in human history is like this 22. Did you miss it? The second cold joke is: According to statistics, 98.5% of people who read this did not realize that there is no item 17 in this joke collection. Do you believe it? 23. I no longer believe in love. I was chatting with a friend the day before yesterday. He never had a girlfriend. I asked him why. He said in a profound tone, my love died as early as kindergarten! Then he lit a cigarette. I liked girls at the time and one day I bought a few candy bars! She came to me and seemed to want to eat it. I said I would give you one and you asked me to kiss you. She said yes! So I gave her one, but she ran away. From then on, I no longer believed in love! 24. The angry kangaroo The panda met the kangaroo who came out of the supermarket angrily and asked: "What's wrong? Are you so angry?" The kangaroo gasped and said: "You don't let me in, you have to let me deposit my bag first!" 25. Singles' Day Tutorial Singles' Day Tutorial: When a girl sees a couple making love to each other, no matter whether they know each other or not, they will slap the guy and say, "How dare you betray me?!" Turn around and leave, regardless of the reaction behind them. How many couples can be broken up is counted! Boys, on the other hand, can't even wash away the damage done by jumping into the Yellow River! It's better for boys to smoke boys! 26 Have you read it? Because item 17 is missing, one is added to the joke section: According to statistics, 58.9% of people immediately went back and read it after seeing item 22... ^_^ Jokes can make your life full of romance.