1.
A: How much is your annual salary?
B: 10 million.
A: That's more than 800,000 a month!
B: Yes, this is the basic salary.
A: Not bad, what do you do?
B: Dreaming...
2.
1. "Happiness" means cats eating fish, dogs eating meat, Ultraman fighting little monsters
2. "Generation gap" means I asked my dad what he thought of "Chrysanthemum Terrace", He said he had never drank. 3. "Narcissism" means that I must be reincarnated as a woman in the next life, and then marry a man like me. 4. "Speechless" means that the judge asked: Why did you print counterfeit money? The criminal said: I can't print real money. 5. "Despair" means ordering two dishes at a restaurant, and eating the first one: "Is there anything more delicious than this in the world?!" and eating the second one: "Damn! It really does!" 6. "Crash" means that an old lady walked into KFC and said to the waiter: I want a KFC, a McDonald's, and a hamburger.
three.
What is a white-collar worker?
Today I paid my salary, paid off the loan, paid the rent, water, electricity and gas bills, bought oil, rice and instant noodles. I touched the remaining money in my pocket and sighed: This month's salary is free again.
What is blue-collar?
The foreman said that it was almost time to pay wages. After counting his accommodation expenses, food expenses, lost wages, and medical expenses, he still owed the boss more than 100 yuan, so he didn't bother to collect it. He was called a blue-collar worker~.
四
One day the geography teacher asked the students, where does the river flow?
A student suddenly stood up and sang: The river flows eastward.
The teacher ignored him and continued, how many stars are there in the sky?
The classmate sang again: The stars in the sky join the Big Dipper.
The teacher was furious: Get out of here!
Student: Let's go as soon as we say.
The teacher said helplessly: Are you sick?
Student: You have everything, I have everything!
Teacher: Please try saying something again…. .
Student: Shout when you see injustice on the road!
Teacher: Do you believe that I will beat you?
Student: Take action when it's time to take action...
Teacher angrily: I'll make you drop out of school!
Student: Traveling to Kyushu in a hurry!
五
MM got out of the taxi and left the camera on the back seat.
When the driver saw this, he quickly stuck his head out of the window,
and shouted at MM: "Little sister, your camera!"
MM blushed, turned around and cursed: "You are like a duck!"
Then the taxi left. . . . .
Then mm chased the car and shouted: Master, my camera~~~~! My camera~~~~~~~
Six
Xiao Wang works in the personnel department on the 10th floor. A month ago, he was transferred to the administrative department on the 9th floor. . . . . .
Today, classmate Xiao Wang called the human resources department to ask him: "Is Xiao Wang here?"
\The colleague who answered the phone said: "Xiao Wang is no longer in the human resources department."
\'Classmate Xiao Wang: "Ah!?, when did it happen? Why didn't I know, and I haven't had time to see him off yet?"
\"It doesn't matter, you can go find him downstairs."
7
1. Ghost: God, next time I am reincarnated, I want to be as white as an angel and have a pair of wings, but I still want to suck blood. God: Then reincarnate yourself as Hushu Bao.
2. A friend was selling popsicles in the park during his first work-study program, and he was too embarrassed to shout. Suddenly, someone shouted: "Selling popsicles~~~~Selling popsicles~~~~". When the friend heard this, he was very happy and shouted: "Me too~~~~Me too~~~~".
3. Not long after the ant and the elephant got married, the elephant died. The ant cried bitterly while burying the elephant: "My dear, why did you go so early? I will bury you if I don't do anything else in my life!"
4. A boy had a crush on a girl. He mustered up the courage to ask the girl what kind of boy she liked. The girl replied, "A guy with a flat head." The girl replied, and after asking the question several times, she got the same answer. The boy was discouraged and said, "Can a guy with a flat head be okay?"
5. One day, I was out of breath and chasing the last bus. As I chased, I shouted: Master! Master, wait for me~ Suddenly a passenger poked his head out of the car window and said to me slowly: Wukong. Just stop chasing her
6. One day I was taking a biology test, and one of the questions was to guess the name of the bird by looking at its legs. A certain student really didn't understand and angrily tore up the paper and prepared to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him: "Which class are you in and what's your name?" A certain student lifted up his trouser legs and said, "Guess, you guess."
7. After the beautiful Mongolian actress finished her performance, the leader came to the stage to receive her. He took her hand and asked her for warmth. He refused to let go for a long time, and asked kindly: What is your name? The actress replied excitedly, "Malegbi Songshou"
8. A man bought a parrot that could only say two words, "Who?". One day, the owner was not at home, and a gas man knocked on the door. Parrot: Who is it? Answer: Change the gas. Parrot: Who is it? Answer: The gas changer... The master was lying down at the door of his house. He wondered who it was. Inside the door: The gas changer.
9. A man saw a pile of stuff on the road, squatted down and smelled it, and said it might be poop. He touched some of it with his hand, put it in his mouth and licked it, and said, it was really poop, but luckily he didn't step on it!
10. The doctor asked the patient how he had broken the bone. He replied: I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes by holding on to the telephone pole. I shook and shook. . . . . . Someone thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two sticks.
11. A professor was teaching in the field: "Scientific research must not be afraid of getting dirty..." Then he squatted down, poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger, and then put his finger in his mouth and licked it clean. A classmate hurriedly said: "I'm not afraid of getting dirty..." Then he poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger and put it in his mouth to lick it clean. The professor said: "In addition, you must be good at observation. I just used my middle finger to poke the dung, but what I licked was my index finger..."
12. In a certain public toilet, Mr. A was constipated and couldn't pull it out for a long time. At this time, another man, Mr. B, rushed in. As soon as he squatted down, he started to defecate very smoothly. After hearing this, Mr. A said: "Man, I really envy you. You can defecate so happily." Mr. B said: "What is there to envy? I haven't taken off my pants yet..."
13. A gentleman was practicing riding a bicycle when a pedestrian came in front of him. He panicked and shouted: "Stop! Stop!" The pedestrian stopped in a hurry. Unfortunately, a certain gentleman's riding skills were too poor and he still knocked down a pedestrian. The pedestrian got up and got angry: "You still told me to stop! You're aiming, right?"
14. Beautiful sister, 2 years old. One day, I called her mother, and the little guy answered the phone. Out of politeness, I also wanted to say hello to her. "My dear, where is mom?" "Going to Huaguo Mountain!" "..." "My dear, what are you doing?" "Auntie, you are so funny, I wasn't calling you!"
The son of a colleague, 4 years old. Classic sentence: "When I was young..."
15. There was a car accident on the road - a turtle trampled on a cow. The police are investigating the cause of the accident and said Wo Niu: How did the turtle hit you? Wo Niu, who was hanging a cast, recalled in panic: I don't remember, he was too fast at that time!
16. A polar bear stayed alone on the ice in a daze. When he was bored, he started to pluck out his own hair. One... two... three... Finally, when he pulled out no hair, he suddenly shouted... It's so cold! ! ………………
17. My colleague's daughter is a little beauty. Her mother often asks her when she comes back from kindergarten: “Beauty, did anyone call you that today?” The little girl actually sighed: “I guess they have seen me too much, so they don't think I'm beautiful anymore."
18. A couple gave birth to a little boy after contraceptive failure. As soon as the child was born, he clenched his fists and laughed non-stop. The nurse opened his fist and found a handful of birth control pills inside. Then the little boy spoke: "You two want to kill me, it's not that easy, hahahaha. . . . . . . . . "
19. Two men went to play in the mountains. One of them accidentally slipped and fell off the cliff. The companion shouted anxiously: "Brother, how are you, are you okay? ", I only heard the person who fell down reply: "I don't know, I'm still falling~~~~"
\ 20. A man was riding a bicycle without holding the handlebars, with his hands on his chest. When a traffic policeman saw it, he said: Good palms! The man replied, Hello comrades!
21. The monkey asked the fox how to use a song to describe the fart of the elephant? The fox said: "I think about it so much" by Juji Ku, and the ant heard it and said: "Fuck, I thought it was "Dang" by the power train." "
22. Two brothers were chased by a tiger. The younger brother couldn't run away anymore, so he said, "Brother, let's stop running away and fight this beast to death." The older brother said, "Don't be ridiculous. I can't outrun it. As long as I can outrun you." "
23. Noodles was beaten by a steamed bun, so he went to his cousin Instant Noodles to take revenge. When Instant Noodles saw the bean buns, he beat him up. When he came back, he said to Noodles: Don't worry, I beat the shit out of him. 24. A fashionable woman walked onto the public road. After handing over the bus, he took out a paper towel and wiped it hard when he saw that the seat was empty. Just as he was about to sit down, he farted. A man next to him laughed and said: "I'm so damn clean, I have to blow it after wiping it."
25. The penguin was bored, so he wanted to go to the Arctic to play with polar bears. I walked and walked for many years, and when I was almost there, I suddenly remembered that the gas at home was not turned off. So I went back, and walked, and walked, and walked for many years, and then turned off the gas, and set off again, and walked and walked for many years. Finally, I arrived at the door of the polar bear, and knocked on the door: ——Polar bear, come out and play! ——Don't play.
26. A certain math teacher rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted: Students, pay attention! I'm going to be deformed! ……
27. A judge looked at three suspects A, B and C. The judge said to A: "Did you steal the thing?" ? "B replied: "No." The judge was furious: "I didn't ask you. "Bing said: "I didn't say anything. "
28. On the plane, the crow said to the stewardess: "Give me a glass of water." After hearing this, the pig said to the stewardess: "Give me a glass of water too! "After hearing this, the stewardess threw the crow and the pig out of the plane together. The crow smiled and said to the pig, "You are stupid, I can fly~~~~
29. A rabbit walked into a store and asked the boss: Do you have carrots for sale here? My wife said: No. After a while, the rabbit came again and asked: Do you have any carrots for sale here? The boss said impatiently no! After a while, the rabbit came to ask again, and the boss finally couldn't bear it anymore: If you make trouble again, I will take a pair of scissors and cut off your ears! After a while, the rabbit came again: Do you have any scissors for sale here? The boss said: No. The rabbit asked again: Do you have any carrots for sale here...
30. The devil caught the princess. The devil said: Just scream, no one will come to save you! Princess: Broken throat, broken throat! No one: Princess, I'm here to save you! Demon King: If you say Cao Cao, Cao Cao will be here! Cao Cao: Demon King, what did you call me for? Demon King: Wow, I saw a ghost! Ghost: Damn! was discovered. Damn: Nonsense, who discovered me? Who: None of my business! Demon King: Oh, my god! God: Who called me? ! Who: No one calls you! No one: I don't have one! ! ! It is said that the devil has suffered from schizophrenia since then.
31. A king wants to marry a princess and puts an apple on the princess's head. Whoever shoots it will have a chance to marry the princess. The first man shot the apple and said, "I'm Robin." The second man also shot the apple and said, "I'm Hou Yi.""The third man accidentally shot the princess to death. He said: "I'm sorry. . . "
32. A person was an intern in a mental hospital. Suddenly, a mentally ill patient chased him with a kitchen knife. The man turned around and ran away until he ran to a dead end. Thinking that it was over, the patient said: I give you the knife, it's your turn to chase me. 33. The stewardess advised the passengers to wear seat belts. "The last time the plane made an emergency landing, those who didn't wear seat belts were all bruised and bloody. " Question: "The one wearing a seat belt? ? Answer: "It's okay. They are all sitting well, just like living people." "
34. A new sculpture was built in a certain school - a girl holding a book in her left hand and a white dove in her right hand. The school leaders publicly called for names from the students in the school. There was an endless stream of replies, and one of them had the loudest voice: Reading is a waste of time!
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