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0. My husband's phone has an Angry Birds game, which I quite like to play. One night, while shopping at the supermarket with my husband and standing in line at the cashier, I said to him, 'Let's go straight home later, I want to play your Angry Birds.' Then everything around went silent...

1. In the school dormitory at midnight, it's very quiet. Suddenly, on the fourth floor, some idiot shouted loudly: 'I live on the Loess Plateau,' leaving the whole floor speechless... Then from a window on the third floor, a voice floated out leisurely: 'Your dad is your mom's cousin...' The whole floor went wild.

2. Last night, on my way home, there was a woman walking ahead of me. We both walked slowly, keeping about a two-meter distance. The street was almost empty and very quiet... After walking for about ten minutes, her steps slowed down more and more. Suddenly, she turned around and said to me, 'If you don't make a move, I'll be home.'

3. On the bus, a young mom was feeding her baby. The baby was restless, so the young mom said angrily to the child, 'Eat or not? If you don't eat, I'll give it to the uncle next to us.' She said this several times. The uncle sitting beside them couldn't help but say, 'Little master, will you eat or not? Give a clear answer, I've already been sitting for over two stops.'

4. A reporter interviewed an elderly grandma! The reporter asked, 'What do you think about setting off firecrackers casually in the city?' The grandma replied, 'What else could I think? I just climb up the window to watch...'

5. A husband and wife were sleeping under the same blanket. The husband sneezed and sprayed his wife in the face. The wife said, 'Next time something happens, give me a heads up.' A while later, the husband said loudly, 'Ready...' The wife quickly buried her head in the blanket, and then there was a 'bang.' The husband had farted.

6. There was a couple, talented husband and beautiful wife, who had a child almost two years old. However, they always felt the child didn't look like either of them. The couple became more and more uneasy, suspecting that the hospital had made a mistake at birth. So, the three of them went for a DNA paternity test. The results: the husband was biologically related to the child, the wife was not.

7. Grandpa told me that when he married grandma, he only spent 'half a dou of rice'; Dad told me that when he married mom, he spent 'half a pig'; when it came to my turn to marry, I spent 'half the life of my parents.'8. One day, a barber beat up a seller of candied hawthorns. At the police station, the police asked the barber: 'Why did you hit the candied hawthorn seller?' The barber said: 'Damn it, I was curling my hair in the room, and he was outside shouting "It's burnt, it's burnt!"'

9. The boss just entered the office when the department manager's wife burst in, waving a pair of women's panties at the boss and said: 'My husband came home wearing women's underwear last night. You must do something about it.' The boss nodded repeatedly, agreed, and casually stuffed the panties into his pocket. When he got home that evening, his wife was doing the laundry and found the panties in his pocket, and said to the boss: 'Don't make jokes like this again, people spent the whole day looking for it.'

10. Once, my 7-year-old niece insisted on taking a bath with me, and while washing she said: 'Auntie, why are your breasts so small?' I was sweating profusely and said: 'Small? How are they small?' My niece looked at me pitifully and comforted me: 'It's okay, mine are small too.'

11. In this world, those who are slow will be played to death, those who are incompetent will be idle to death, those who are timid will be scared to death, those who can't drink much will be forced-drunk to death, those with poor health will be overworked to death, those who speak bluntly will get into trouble to death, those who can work will be used to death. So there's no need to take anything too seriously. Otherwise, you'll have your life in heaven, money in the bank…

12. A woman took a baby to the doctor. The male doctor examined the baby, then touched the woman's breasts. The doctor said: 'Not enough milk; the baby is malnourished!' The woman angrily scolded: 'Why the hell did you touch me without asking first? I'm the child's aunt…'

13. A man went to take his driving test. During the oral test, the examiner asked him: 'When you see a dog and a person in front of your car, will you run over the dog or the person?' The man replied without hesitation: 'Of course the dog.' The examiner shook his head and said: 'Come back for the test next time.' The man was unwilling to accept this: 'If I don't run over the dog, should I run over the person?' The examiner loudly scolded: 'You should brake!'

14. One day, a beautiful woman asked me for directions on the street. I swear I had never seen a girl as angelically beautiful… I don't know if it was nervousness or excitement that clouded my mind, but I told her the address of my home.

15. A boy invited the girl he liked to the mountain to see the night view. At that moment, a cold wind blew, and the boy looked down and asked: 'Are you cold?'The girl thought to herself that he was really considerate, and she smiled and replied, 'I'm not cold, thank you!' The boy said, 'Then can you take off your coat and give it to me? I'm so cold...'

16. This morning, on my way to work, I passed a little key duplication stall and heard a girl asking the owner, 'Boss, can you make a key?' The owner replied, 'Of course.' Then the girl stood there blankly, and the owner stared at her in a long silence... silence... Finally, the owner couldn't help but ask, 'Where's the key?' The girl said, 'Key? Why would I bring a key if I want one made?' The owner: ...

17. In Chinese class, the teacher asked Xiaohua to make a sentence with 'Great Wall.' Xiaohua answered, 'The Great Wall is very long.' The teacher, displeased, said, 'No, make another one!' Xiaohua said, 'I can't, I'm not Qin Shi Huang!'

18. A roommate was taking a shower, and water got into their eyes, so they wanted to rinse it out. Just as the faucets were occupied, in a panic, they said to the person next to them: 'Classmate, water got in my brain, let me rinse first!'

19. A guy struggled with his feelings for a long time and finally mustered up the courage to confess to a girl on QQ, anxiously waiting for a reply. Soon, the girl replied, 'I'm her mom, I just came to steal some crops.'

20. After an earthquake, the police rescued an old man from a bathroom. The old man struggled while shouting: 'This is unfair, it's not my business, you got the wrong person! I just pulled the flush lever, and this building collapsed!'

21. A colleague bought a bunch of bread. Everyone, starving, reached to take some, but then the colleague said something that made everyone stop and not eat. Because the colleague casually said, 'Go ahead, eat, it's fine; anyway, I bought it for my son at home.'

22. Two colleagues were walking side by side, when the HR manager (a beautiful woman) walked past and they greeted her. After she walked away, one said, 'Smells so good, I wonder what perfume she uses.' The other said, 'That scent is either Liu Shen or Honeysuckle.'

23. During a dinner gathering today, I overheard a couple talking. She asked, 'How do you switch Pinyin on your phone?' He said, 'Press the chrysanthemum key.' She thought for a moment, typed '+Xue Xiaoyan QQ 334650~', and immediately, with a sudden realization, started feeling the bottom of the phone seriously for a while... I said, 'Brother, could you please not call the * key the chrysanthemum key?'24. Today, I went on a trip to a place, and the owner served me with his signature dish (eggs boiled in boy's urine). I politely declined, cleverly saying that I hadn't eaten eggs since I was a child. The owner enthusiastically replied, 'Then have some soup!'

25. A brother went to the restroom and accidentally entered the women's restroom. After going in, he realized there were no urinals and felt something was wrong. Fortunately, there was no one inside. He casually walked out. While opening the door, a young woman came in. When they saw each other, her face turned red, she lowered her head, and quickly went into the men's restroom.

26. A young married woman was taking out the trash and accidentally slipped into the garbage pile. Just as she was about to get up, an old man scavenging for scraps hugged her. The old man sighed and said, 'City folks really don't know how to live. Such a good wife, and they just let her go.'