(Premium) {laugh} A collection of funny replies I've been gathering for many years {1}! Don't blame me if you laugh until your balls hurt!

1{I kicked the triangular area on the second floor with one foot, and his testicles instantly shattered into pieces. His six-centimeter-long little penis broke, mixed with bits of pubic hair, and he died on the spot. In the underworld, he was extremely helpless and suffering; after immense hardships, he spent nearly a billion years to heal and reincarnate. A billion years later, I unexpectedly encountered him again. At this time, he was naked, all over his body covered in wounds, extremely disgusting. His face looked like a resentful ghost, his body was like Zhu Bajie, and blood flowed from all seven orifices. His originally six-centimeter little penis had shrunk by four-fifths. Hahaha, seeing him in such a miserable state, I couldn't help but laugh three times, and without a word, rushed over and kicked him again.} 2{I represent the strongest leadership team in Chinese history: President Li Shimin, Military Commission Chairman Genghis Khan, Premier Zhuge Liang, Minister of Geology Zhang Heng, Minister of Public Security Zhan Zhao, Minister of Land and Resources Xu Xiake, Director of the National Development and Reform Commission Shang Yang, President of the Supreme People's Court Bao Zheng, Director of the National Narcotics Control Bureau Lin Zexu, Director of the Women's Federation Wu Zetian, Director of the State Administration of Press, Publication, Radio, Film and Television Ji Xiaolan, Middle East Envoy Zhang Qian, Director of the Taiwan Affairs Office Zheng Chenggong, Minister of Culture Tang Bohu, Director of the Demolition Office Meng Jiangnu, Director of the Family Planning Commission Tang Seng, Minister of Aviation Chang'e, Captain of the National Diving Team Qu Yuan, I have pinned the post for you… keep pinning… pin endlessly…} 3{Young friend, I see you are intelligent and have a unique build; certainly, you will achieve great things in the future. Now, I will give you a small test: give me Huahua, and then we can talk about saving the world. What do you think about that?} 4{Noso Star is an ultra-powerful smartphone that can stay on standby for one year and has ten protective functions: waterproof, frostproof, electric-proof, fireproof, shockproof, drop-proof, theft-proof, snatch-proof, intrusion-proof, and attack-proof! Moreover, it is equipped with the IOS 9001 perfect intelligent system, which Apple hasn't developed yet. The CPU ranges from a minimum of 2 MHz to a maximum of 1000 MHz, and the RAM reaches 100GB! What concept?! That means no other phone today can surpass its speed! In addition, it supports multi-touch; if you want two points, it gives you two points, if you want three, it gives you three, absolutely satisfying! Its pixels reach 80 million, capable of recording 6480p, 100fps video! This is specially designed for AV enthusiasts, an essential device for male AV filming! Moreover, technologies like accelerated 3D, naked-eye 4D, touch-sensitive 5D are all included!In addition to supporting mp3 and mp4, it also supports mp5, mp6, mp7, mp8! On men, it shows luxury; on women, it shows glamor; on elderly people, it shows nostalgia; on children, it shows non-mainstream style! Thinking about this, you must be saying this device is worth a million, right! Haha, today you're in luck. No, it doesn't cost tens of millions or hundreds of thousands! Not three to four thousand, not one to two thousand, only 998!!!! Such an astonishing price, you will never encounter in ten lifetimes! Less than a minute from the ad, if your heart is moved, why not act! Fools! Beep~beep~beep~beep beep! Wait, the boss just called me, saying that to prevent dealers from profiteering, and to celebrate our store's 0th anniversary! He wants to enthusiastically give back to everyone! What?! The phone price of 998 is immediately reduced by seven hundred! Only 299??! And it comes with a South African natural 58 plum blossom genuine diamond?! Oh my god~~[5] Hello, we finally reached you! The inflatable doll you purchased at our Taobao store has been shipped, but the version you preferred—Sister Furong edition—is sold out, we can only give you the remaining Sister Feng edition! But rest assured about the quality. If it gets damaged from use within two days, we can repair it for free, but please do not drip wax, whip, tie or hang it! We are not responsible for any explosion incidents. [6] Hello!! Long time no see, how is your mother doing in the hair salon? Has the recent economic crisis affected business? I've always wanted to ask, which of your several dads is your real dad? The one in prison? The one who died of drugs a few years ago? Or someone else? By the way, does your biological little sister still secretly call your dad when no one is around? That day we went out singing, you got drunk, later left early with a black guy in the next room without telling us, really unfaithful. And those days when we called you to hang out, you didn't come out saying your anus hurt. Hemorrhoids should go to the hospital, why go to those roadside clinics? See, you had a wrong procedure, hope it won't hurt in the future. [7] Why did the ninety-year-old woman die naked on the street? Why were hundreds of female donkeys screaming in the middle of the night? Why are condoms in convenience stores repeatedly targeted? Why is underwear in the girls' dorm frequently stolen? The serial ** sow case, who is responsible? The old nun's door is knocked on every night, is it human or ghost?What is hidden behind the accidental deaths of hundreds of female puppies? Behind all this, is it the distortion of human nature or the degradation of morality? Is it an outbreak of sexual desire or the helplessness of craving? Stay tuned tonight at 8 PM on the CCTV-12 Legal Channel for the annual blockbuster 'The Landlord's Road of No Return.' Let's follow the camera into the inner world of a pervert...

First of all, on behalf of the 'China Mental Health Research Center,' I would like to solemnly say to everyone: 'We are sorry!' Due to our negligence at work, the landlord has escaped repeatedly, causing a lot of unnecessary trouble and adverse impact on everyone and society. We sincerely apologize. Our hospital has always attached great importance to the landlord's condition. Although the landlord's current situation is not very stable and relapses can happen at any time, as long as there is a one percent chance, we will give one hundred percent effort. We have the confidence, determination, and perseverance to treat the landlord and help the landlord break free from the torment of illness. At the same time, we hope all sectors of society actively cooperate with our work to jointly create a harmonious society. Mental illness is not frightening, and we should not mock the landlord.

Landlord, you are finally online! The inflatable doll you bought yesterday has been shipped. However, the Fan Bingbing version you ordered online is out of stock, so we sent you the Feng Jie version instead. But you can rest assured of the quality, and we are giving you a 40% discount. It's shipped via SF Express. Dear, remember to leave a good review!