Selfish and self-serving, I hate my former face.
According to my aunt, when my mom was young, she was quite willing to spend money. She once bought a coat that cost over a thousand yuan, which in the 1990s was considered both luxurious and fashionable. But unexpectedly, that coat was worn for ten years, and my mom never bought clothes more expensive than that again. Ten years—one woman's youth was worn away—and now, life is gradually improving, no longer as difficult as before, but my mom still seldom shows a happy expression. [br/] Not long ago, I once yelled at my mom in front of my second aunt, and for the first time, the two of us opened our hearts and discussed the past grievances. [br/] I blamed all the unhappy memories in my life on her and my dad, including my loneliness, my depression, my laziness, my selfishness, my willfulness… [br/] My mom cried at that time. I have always been a strong debater, and when those words came out of my mouth, she was even so tongue-tied that she couldn't talk to me. She could only shake her head in response to my aggressive approach. [br/] My second aunt kept criticizing me for being selfish, only considering things from my own perspective; even my cousin said I only took without giving anything. [br/] I was probably a stubborn, inflexible person. At the time, I clearly knew I was wrong, yet I still couldn't control my emotions. [br/] In fact, I have my mom's shadow in me: the same pessimism, the same insecurity, the same complaints… and a mom like a hedgehog probably needed understanding even more than I did. Of course, these are things I only realized now; back then, I was utterly ignorant. [br/] My mom always said life is hard-earned. Money, for her, is like a demon in her heart, an obstacle she could never avoid. For someone like me, who is indifferent by nature, I couldn't understand it at all before. [br/] And as I slowly learned from my elders about my mom's past, those buried memories, the stubborn stone in my heart gradually melted, and remorse took over my soul. [br/] Money, a house, status—these are things my mom had wished for countless times, and now she has them, but she still doesn't feel happy. So I think, these material satisfactions are not what she truly desires deep inside her heart. [br/] Understanding, love, approval. [br/] Actually, my mom doesn't want much; for me, it would be just a small effort. [br/] I, who was too selfish before, also need to learn to give.
