8. When I was fifteen or sixteen, I liked a junior female apprentice. She had long hair and big black eyes. Although I liked her, I didn't confess my feelings. I firmly believed that if I liked her quietly, she could sense it. The highest realm of love is like in storybooks, where the heroine understands everything the male protagonist quietly liking her has done for her. Later, she went down the mountain with one of my senior brothers and never came back, leaving not even a word for me. It completely shattered my view of love. I thought maybe I didn't have that realm, and then I thought, maybe I wasn't the male protagonist after all. I fantasized countless times about reuniting with her one day at the foot of the mountain, or meeting another girl, one with long hair and a pretty face, who liked me. In my dreams, I often encountered such girls, but at the end of each dream, she would say to me: 'Actually, the one I like is not you. Thank you for everything you've done for me.' When I woke up, I would forget the ending of the dream, and in the next dream, I would continue to suffer, enjoying it all the same.
9. When I was eighteen, I took my first sip of alcohol. The result was that after vomiting for half an hour, I vowed never to drink again in my life. I couldn't understand why everyone loved something that made them speak foolishly and lose control; did they have a masochistic tendency? They'd rather be pointed at and called a drunk than give up drinking. There must be some reason for it.
10. Girls and alcohol often appear around a man. Unfortunately, alcohol will never appear around me again, unless I become a bartender in the future. And I haven't met a suitable girl either. One senior brother said: 'That means you're not yet a man. You still need to grow.' I asked, 'How do I become a man?' He said, 'Like me.' He flexed his bicep. Later, this senior brother went to Dunhuang to do manual labor. Then I realized that muscle doesn't mean strength. A county magistrate might not have muscles, yet he could still make a senior brother go do manual labor.
11. When I was seven or eight, I had a very good playmate named Shitou (Stone), who lived up to his name—sturdy. As a kid leader, he developed me into his deputy and founded the 'Azure Dragon Gang', declaring himself the gang leader. When our master found out, he beat us up and disbanded all the members. The master said: 'At such a young age, forming gangs—are you planning to kill and set fires in the future?'The lesson I learned from this is that forming cliques is something you can only do when you get older, because by then, you no longer have much of a future. Shitou was sent up the mountain by his parents and could go home once a month. As for me, I had never seen my parents for as long as I could remember. I asked, 'Master, why have my parents never come?' Master said, 'You don't have parents. You were brought up the mountain at night. You are an abandoned child, but it's okay, you don't need to feel sad.' I cried immediately. Master hurriedly said, 'See, I told you not to feel sad, so why are you crying? Why are you crying, huh?' A senior brother said, 'Master, you really know how to talk.' Master quickly said to me, 'Alright, it's Master who was wrong, Master is not right, don't cry, alright? Look, everyone here is your family, you have more relatives than anyone here.' Shitou sensibly slipped a piece of candy into my hand. My crying became much quieter. Master quickly added, 'See, Master didn't lie to you, right? Actually, Master has long known that you are destined to be the most accomplished in our sect.' My heart was uneasy, and with tears in my eyes, I looked up and asked, 'Really?' Master said, 'Yes, Master has always thought so.' As soon as he finished speaking, all the other children, including Shitou, cried. Master patted his forehead, waved his hand and left, leaving the chubby senior brother to hand out candy to all the children. My candy ended up back in Shitou's hand. I thought, I am someone who will achieve great success and contribute to our sect, so one piece of candy is nothing.
12. Tiensu Sect has a rule that everyone must go down the mountain once, bringing back either something or someone, with a story to tell. Essentially, it's about bringing back a story. Two years ago, Senior Brother Dian went down the mountain, and returned a few days later with a dog. Master asked, 'What story did you bring back?' Senior Brother Dian said, 'As soon as I went down the mountain, this dog bit me badly. I rushed to see a doctor, who said that this dog is sick and cannot be cured, and if it bites someone, that person cannot be cured either, so I should leave immediately. I thought perhaps Master would have a solution, so I brought this sick dog back.' Master said, 'Don't worry, Master was also skilled in medicine back then. Master will definitely cure you and this dog's strange illness.' Now, Senior Brother Dian and that mad dog are still locked in the small courtyard in the southeast corner. Someone brings them food every day, but no one else pays attention to them, except for me.Because I feel that in this world, what Brother Dian says is more meaningful than what those neatly dressed crazies say. We would rather believe the words of a well-dressed madman than trust the words of a ragged philosopher; this is the reason those bastards have been able to deceive us for so many years. A group of vile people coming together becomes the upper class, and I just cannot understand that. 13. Brother Dian has always been crazy and incoherent; his words are ambiguous. During the day, he hides in the house and refuses to come out, and at night he howls with the mad dogs. However, the kitchen and main hall are in the southeast corner, while our house is in the northwest corner, so we are unaffected. Brother Shuai said, 'Xiao Cheng, look, the world outside is truly helpless.' I think that being bitten by a dog is only a physical injury, but for someone like Brother Shuai, it may truly be worse than death. If the girl I like ends up running off with someone else in the future, I would certainly rather be bitten by Brother Dian and go crazy with him. Later, I realized how immature my original thought was because the girls around me left one by one. Although none of them ever said the words that tormented me, I felt it didn't matter; whether they said it or not, the result was the same. The girls I liked all liked what their boyfriends said—that he loved her, that he would love her forever, that it would last until the end of time. I thought this was such a foolish thing; such vows were still enough to comfort eight-year-old me. But girls in love are like moths, willingly flying into the flames to self-destruct. Girls all like boys who will hurt them, meanwhile ignoring the boys who genuinely like them until they get hurt; then, they tell the boys who genuinely like them, 'I will never believe in love again.' Actually, it's all caused by themselves. And even now, I still don't understand what security truly is. 15. As mentioned before, everyone must descend the mountain. Finally, my day came. Stone didn't need to complete this practice due to his parents, but I needed to go alone to search for stories. By this time, I had grown up and confidently believed that this journey would not be in vain. Only Stone and Brother Pang saw me off when I descended the mountain. At that moment, there was no fine wine, no wind fluttering our robes, nor any word of farewell courage. Stone said, 'Do you have any plans?'I said, 'I want to go down the mountain first, and eat a bowl of wontons at the place Senior Brother Shuai took me to.' Shitou said, 'Good plan. Do you have enough money? I can give you some.' I said, 'I stole Master's silver, it should be enough.' Fat Senior Brother said, 'It's okay, if it really doesn't work out, you can come back, this is your home.' I suddenly missed Senior Brother Shuai very much. Since he died, I not only miss him, but also miss the bowl of wontons he took me to eat, and the words he once said to me. A junior disciple ran from the courtyard to me and said, 'Master said, if you don't leave now, he will take back the money you took.'
