Uncle! Are you washing eggs?

1. At night, Zheng Xidan's wife couldn't find her husband, so she went to the neighbor's house to look for him. As soon as she entered, she saw the neighbor washing his hair and asked, "Uncle, where is Xidan?" Upon hearing this, the neighbor was a bit unhappy and ignored her, continuing to wash his hair. The wife, somewhat annoyed, asked again, "Uncle, where is Zheng Xidan?" The neighbor got furious: "Damn it, I'm washing my hair!"

2. Xiao Ming's father went out to sea to fish year-round, leaving Xiao Ming and his mother alone. One day, Xiao Ming's mother couldn't control her desire, stripped off her clothes, touched her body, and said to the mirror, "I need a man... I need a man..." At that moment, Xiao Ming was about to go to school and passed by his mother's door. Seeing her strange actions and expressions, he didn't think much as he was in a hurry to go to school. When Xiao Ming came home from school, he was shocked to find his mother in bed with a man. He was so stunned that he quickly ran into his own room, stripped off his clothes, imitated his mother's actions, and said to the mirror, "I want a bicycle... I want a bicycle..."

3. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and I managed to find the phone number of a girl I had a crush on in middle school. I sent her a text: "If there's only a bowl of porridge, you drink half first, and I'll keep the remaining half warm for you..." A few minutes later, she replied with a text: "Who referred you? 400 per time, 700 for overnight."

4. You can't catch a wolf if you can't let go of the kids, you can't catch a scoundrel if you can't let go of your wife, you can't get the collection if you can't update... My mood has been bad today. Last night's text showed me that the girl I admired in the past has fallen, and she actually told me 400 per time... I was very sad at the moment, and while feeling sad, I flipped through my wallet: then I was even sadder—I didn't even have the means to accompany her in falling once…

5. Back in middle school, after the Chinese teacher collected everyone's essays and shuffled them, we were supposed to correct our classmates' work. It just happened that I had to correct the essay of the girl sitting in front of me. The title was "My Grandma." As I read the essay, I bit my finger, and saw a line that nearly made me bite it off: "Many years have passed, my grandma's head gradually grew silver threads..." Apparently, the girl meant to write: "my grandma's head," but she missed a word...

6. A man with the surname Wei asked his wife, "Other people name their children after wealthy families like Gao's child being called Gao Lidai (interest loan), what wealthy name should we give our child?"Wife answered: "It's easier to name our child, let's just call him Wei Shengjin (sanitary pad)!" 7. My cousin ran into a chubby girl while riding his bike. The girl said, 'You just accompany me to the hospital to apply some red ointment on my knee, no need for any compensation.' My cousin said: 'Girl, you're really considerate. Here, roll up your pant leg, let me see if it's seriously injured. Hmm, is your calf fat or is it from the collision? It's so thick...' Later, the girl asked my cousin for 2,000 yuan as trauma compensation. 8. Wife: 'Go buy some milk powder for the child right now.' Husband: 'Isn't he still breastfed? Why not feed him?' Wife: 'The smell of smoke is too strong, the child won't drink it.' 9. A young wife was harassed every day by a stranger. Whenever she opened the door to answer the bell, the stranger would politely ask the same question: 'Madam—I've heard that you have a beautiful figure?' Even when she slammed the door on him, the stranger never gave up. Eventually, the wife asked her husband to be at home and to hide when she opened the door. 'Madam,' the stranger said again, 'I've heard that you have a beautiful figure?' Feeling confident with her husband at home, the wife boldly replied: 'So what if I have a beautiful figure?' 'In that case...' the stranger replied, 'please tell your husband to make good use of your beautiful figure and to stop following behind my too-big butt.'