At that time, I was very tired.
Actually, no one has ever understood me. I am used to pretending to be strong, used to facing everything alone…
I don't know what I really want.
Sometimes,
I can happily talk to everyone, can be very uninhibited;
But no one knows that it is just a disguise, a deliberate disguise.
I can make myself very, very happy,
But I can't find the source of that happiness, just foolishly smiling.
I'm not used to telling others about things, because I'm not used to others looking at me with pity.
Actually, I cherish the people around me, but the pressure of life makes me prone to forgetting, letting those memories fade away through forgetfulness.
I thought forgetting could make me happy…
But what I feel is even more loneliness…
Night falls, and the surrounding air is cold…
Sitting alone on the grass, staring at the sky…
I don't even know what I'm thinking about…
Missing the past, that's all…
Actually, I really long for someone who can understand me; who can walk into my heart…
Actually, I am very tired, really want to let go of everything…
But the pressures of reality only allow me to carry these slowly along…
Log in to QQ and enter my space
See how many people still care about me, have visited me, and see how many space updates I have…
Then
Scroll down, scroll further…
More importantly, the updates of the person I care about…
But just looking, not disturbing…
At some point I realized, I no longer love writing logs, even if there are the newest logs, they are prefixed with [Forward]…
It's not that I've become lazy, but I'm exhausted…
Prefer using other people's words to express my own feelings…
Logged off QQ, but didn't go online
Logged off QQ, but didn't chat
Just repeatedly ‘expand groups' and ‘close groups'…
Going online, is to kill loneliness;
Going invisible, is to avoid disappointment;Just like that, I logged off QQ, went invisible, and watched every little change in others...
When did I stop liking chasing and playing around, yet still long to be as lively as before?
When did I make myself silent, but still want to know more about so-called friends around me?
I like being in the quietest late night, turning off the lights and letting silence wrap around me, yet I am afraid of the dark...
I also occasionally hang out with friends,
sometimes happy,
sometimes disappointed.
Occasionally, I also lonely pick up my phone and open the contacts list over and over... but I don't know who to call...
Everything good will one day be lost, the deepest memories will one day fade; the people you love the most will one day leave; what should be given up should never be held back, what should be cherished should never be let go!
It's a pity.
