Essence Brother is very handsome!

I was born into an ordinary family; my parents are healthy, and I have grandparents, as well as a few aunts and uncles. It is said that when I was born, in the northern sky, clouds of good fortune appeared, gradually drifting from far to near, and when they floated over the roof of my house, they transformed into a single character: Handsome! When my father saw me, he cried hoarsely for a month and a half. He absolutely could not believe that I was a child inherited from his chromosomes and several times rushed to my mother's bedside with a vegetable knife, waving it and saying he would chop me into mince. My mother protected me with her life, and only then was I able to survive. My grandfather had been suffering from glaucoma for over a dozen years, unable to tell a person from a dog at a distance of more than a meter. But when I appeared before him, the elderly man wept uncontrollably, shielding his eyes, and never saw the light of day again, saying he did not want to see people, to avoid endless trouble. Later, in order to prove her innocence, my mother dragged my father to the hospital for a paternity test. When the doctor lifted the blanket, he only glanced at me and cried, wiping his nose, saying, “Go home, this is not your son. He is no one's child. Humans cannot give birth to such a handsome child.” An intern nurse walked by, saw me in my swaddle, immediately grabbed a box of red ink, pressed my fingerprints, and then loosened my neatly arranged hair. She murmured to me: “Long hair left for you, if in this life I do not marry you, my long hair will not shorten. By the clear lamp and old Buddha, I will braid it myself in the inner chamber…” My mother hurriedly walked out, running along the way, and accidentally bumped into an old lady from the neighboring obstetrics ward who was waiting to give birth. The old lady held my mother, saying kindly: “Child, why are you in such a hurry? What are you frustrated about? Don't jolt the baby…” My mother was annoyed by her persistence and yanked the blanket away. When the old lady saw me, she immediately went manic, tears streaming down her face, and squatted to the ground, shaking her head and yelling: “I was born fifty years too early!!!” My mother flinched… When I grew to fifteen, I still did not dare to go to school—not that I hadn't tried. In kindergarten, I attended for half a day and then couldn't go on. The other children, teachers, and even the principal went crazy. My cheeks were kissed swollen by little girls into the size of a watermelon, and the aunts beat the children frantically—not for any other reason, just because they were born in the same year as me. Only when the military and police intervened did the riot subside. People have been fishing in front of my house for years, and they never return empty-handed. The most interesting thing is that our house is still a hundred kilometers from the sea, yet they often catch tuna in the small smelly ditch in front of the house, and even discover sea turtle eggs behind the haystacks.Later, after investigation, it turned out that it was because countless women had been crying constantly at the entrance of my house for years, and the tears, being rich in amino acids and proteins, were very suitable for the survival of tuna and for sea turtles to lay eggs. Over the years, the tears of those women accumulated into a small beach. By the time I was fifteen, the beach was bustling; by the time I was eighteen, this beach had developed very rapidly, so it was called: Hawaii. One time, feeling really bored, I secretly sneaked out of the house at night. I was prepared to run like crazy if I saw a female animal, but unexpectedly, after I went out, except for a series of startled screams, no one followed me. I cautiously looked back and found that they had all fainted on the beach... The United States Department of Defense officially sued me at the International Court of Justice in The Hague, claiming that I had destroyed the happiness of the First Family. It turned out that the First Lady, seeing a photo of me taken with a T when I was six years old, even proposed a divorce to George W. Bush, creating the first divorce case involving a sitting US president in the history of the United States. After the Hague International Court accepted the case, they issued me a summons. Upon receiving the summons, I expressed my willingness to appear in court, because such a life was really unbearable. However, the summons never reached the court because I had signed on it, so halfway through it was intercepted by the postal worker... Later, the postal worker was sentenced to 122 years in prison. The CCTV Spotlight program came to interview me; the glass against the camera fainted three times, and the little girl responsible for the transcript mistakenly wrote Chinese in Italian and Spanish. When it was broadcast, because the television station mosaicked my face, the next day it was smashed, slogans were posted everywhere, even on Chairman M's portrait. CNN called this the second Cultural Revolution phenomenon in China. George W. Bush took the opportunity to visit China and gave a speech at TAM Square titled: My Big-Character Poster! The speech was conducted under the protection of more than 5,000 US agents, but due to focusing elsewhere, Air Force One was attacked and completely smashed... The United Nations allocated special funds to build me a hiding place on the top of Mount Everest in the Himalayas. The information was extremely secretive; besides my family and Secretary-General Annan, no one in the world knew where I was. I finally enjoyed peace, real peace; the blue sky felt incredibly close, and God was practically within reach.I was quiet, but also extremely irritated. I stood on the peak and shouted loudly: I will not!!! Suddenly, a soothing and lingering voice came from the sky: No, you are lying… God, can't you deceive me just once… I was angry, extremely angry!!! I questioned God: Why did You make me so handsome!!! God's soothing voice came again: What did you say? My whole body went limp, and I sobbed: Why am I so handsome… God was silent… After a while, God finally spoke: You are humble… At that moment, I wanted to jump from the peak… Suddenly, a group of people rushed up the mountain. Later, I found out that Annan had been kidnapped. The leader of the bandits' maternal grandmother had served as a maid in Empress Cixi's court during the Qing Dynasty in China; her husband was the Minister of Justice, and the family heirloom was one of the ten cruelest punishments of the Qing Dynasty. Indeed, Annan was a heroic man. Only by using the ten cruel punishments did he manage to make me reveal my hiding place… I went berserk!!! I stood on a rock, facing the thousand-foot cliff, hysterical: If you dare come up!!! I will jump! The crowd froze, an astonishing silence… The crowd began to stir. Many people, as if possessed, jumped off the cliff, more and more! In the end, only a few fainted ones remained on the mountain; the rest all jumped off the cliff. I looked down; they used their bodies to form a soft cushion for me, afraid I would fall… I was isolated and helpless… I had been heavily protected by women at the former Pentagon in the United States; they considered it an honor just to visit me once. Since the last Everest incident, scientists discovered the human potential could be so immense, because in that incident, ten percent of the people had incurable diseases, ten percent were disabled, and ten percent were mentally challenged… Many female cancer patients supported themselves for over a decade just to see me, becoming cancer-fighting stars. Some disabled women, after seeing me, discarded their crutches and wheelchairs that had accompanied them for decades; some even broke the world 100-meter record multiple times. Helplessly, the Third World War broke out. Men, to defend their dignity, used atomic bombs… After the explosion, I was the only survivor in the world, because I had been protected in a nuclear bunker. When I stepped out, the earth was desolate, every place marked by the aftermath of war… Suddenly, I discovered life on the ground! It was a cockroach!!!The vitality of cockroaches is stronger than anyone expected. I held this cockroach in my hands, tears streaming down my face, and the cockroach trembled all over. As I looked around, I realized that beneath my feet was a sea of cockroaches! All were females!!! On the other coastline, all the male cockroaches watched menacingly!!! No one would have expected that the fourth world war on Earth would actually occur among cockroaches... Postscript: Millions of years after I died, future humans were born. They found my bones, reconstructed my appearance, and buried me in the Arctic. Over my tombstone, a cloud floated year-round, constantly changing shapes, with only one word: Handsome... It never disperses throughout the years...