Jokes that are best not seen by girls.

1. The couple teamed up to play mahjong, planning to read his wife's cues before acting! During the game, the wife suddenly spread her leg, and her husband was so busy he paid eighty thousand! But he ended up setting off a firecracker for someone else! The husband was confused! His wife shouted angrily, "What I want is a chick!" ” 2. The four nurses decided to prank the arrogant and eccentric attending physician. A few days later, the four nurses gathered to discuss their "masterpiece." The first nurse said, "I stuffed his stethoscope with cotton so he couldn't hear anything." The second nurse said, "I pulled the mercury out of his thermometer and drew a fake one. No matter who I measured, the thermometer always showed 49 degrees." The third nurse said, "I'm even tougher than you guys. I poked holes in the ** in his drawer." The fourth nurse shouted, "What?" Then she fainted! (If you don't understand, it means you're too naive.) 3. One guy's penis isn't big enough, and he's been restless and restless! One day, this guy saw an ad: "No injections, no medicine, no surgery, painless rapid thickening and enlargement!" "Bro was ecstatic! There's such a wonderful thing! So I rushed to the post office to transfer the money! A week later, the goods arrived. When I opened the package and looked, "Damn!" A magnifying glass! ” 4. The three of them went out together to find a prostitute! A said, "My 12 centimeters." B said, "My 16 centimeters." C said, "My 6 centimeters." The prostitute said, "Then I want the shortest one." After a while, the prostitute ran out like she had gone crazy, shouting, "Damn him, that bastard is talking about diameter!" ” 5. A newlywed couple held their wedding ceremony at a church, and when it was time to exchange rings, the nervous groom actually forgot about it. The priest anxiously raised his finger, making a ring gesture, and blinked to hint to the groom. The groom angrily said, "Damn, you want me to do this in broad daylight?" (Just do that gesture yourself and you'll know where the funny part is.) 6. There was a woman at a sex products store who wanted to buy a vibrator. The owner said, "Everything is up there, choose for yourself." After carefully choosing, the woman said, "I want the red one!" The owner glanced at it and said, "Miss, that's a fire extinguisher!""(This lady really has a big appetite.) 7. In the bar, a few guys were chatting idly. Xiao Li asked, "When you do that with your wife, what drives you crazy the most?" Xiao Wang angrily said, "She got so worked up that she called me by the wrong name!" ” 8. Two men were swimming by the sea! One of them wanted to bare on the beach but felt embarrassed! His friend came up with a plan to bury him in the sand, exposing only his **. At that moment, two beautiful women happened to pass by! The beauty was shocked when she saw it: "Damn, this is really interesting! There's even a wild one of these things?!" ” 9. A male employee was on a business trip and stayed at a hotel for the night! Just as he was about to sleep, the phone rang. A woman's voice came from the other end: "Fate brings us together from a thousand miles away. Is 200 yuan expensive?" Man: "Where in the world is there no fragrant grass? Will 50 yuan be enough?" " Woman: "The spring breeze is hard to cross Yumen Pass. You can offer at least 130 yuan." Man: "Across thousands of rivers and mountains, there is always love. Is 70 yuan okay?" ” 10. A man was drinking at a bar with a heavy heart! Waiter: "Sir, are you in a bad mood? If you have something on your mind, just say it out loud!" Man: "I'm gay!" Waiter: "So what?" Man: "My brother is gay too!" Waiter: "Ah......" Man: "Even worse, my brother is too!" Waiter: "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" Man: "Yes!" My sister 11. A wife is pregnant. But at the ninth month, the husband couldn't resist his own desires and forced himself to be intimate with his wife. A month later, the baby was born—a boy, and a genius! He could speak right after birth! He turned and saw the doctor, asked, "Are you my dad?" Doctor: "No, I'm a doctor." He saw the nurse and asked, "Then are you my dad?" Nurse: "No...... I'm a nurse." Finally, he saw his biological father: "So you're my dad, right?" The gentleman was very happy: "That's right! I'm your dad!" The child angrily poked his dad's head with his finger, cursing, "Does poking you like this hurt?" Does it hurt?12. Flattering a woman is like leveling up on QQ! At least two hours a day, and after reaching a certain number of days, you can have sex!

13. The boss wants to join the Political Consultative Conference. When filling out the application form, he looked at the 'special skills' section and was puzzled! Finally, he asked the female secretary, 'What is a special skill?' The female secretary replied, 'Special skills are the strengths you have.' The boss thought carefully and neatly filled in: 'Penis.'

14. A man went to see a doctor, and the female doctor asked him what the matter was. The man said, 'Don't laugh after I tell you!' The doctor said, 'Okay!' The man took off his pants, and his penis was only as thick as a matchstick! The female doctor couldn't hold back and laughed uncontrollably! The man angrily said, 'It's been swollen for several days! And you're still laughing!'

15. On their wedding night, Xiao Ming and his wife lay in bed discussing their future married life... Xiao Ming: 'Darling, we should have a signal for each other. If I want it, I'll squeeze your breasts twice; if you want it, you squeeze my penis twice, how about that?' His wife thought it was a good idea and shyly said: 'Okay, let's do that!' After a while, his wife suddenly asked softly, 'What if I don't want it?' Xiao Ming: 'Well, then you squeeze my penis two hundred times!'

16. A macho man showed off his muscles in front of his girlfriend! He took off his shirt to reveal his biceps and said to his girlfriend, 'This is equivalent to a 50-kilogram detonator!' Then he took off his pants and pointed to his thigh, 'This is equivalent to a 100-kilogram detonator!' Then he took off his underwear, but before he could say anything, his girlfriend ran out screaming, 'Oh my God! The fuse is so short!'

17. A female employee was having her home renovated and took leave for it. However, after the leave ended, the renovation wasn't finished! She wrote a leave note for her colleague to give to the manager. When the manager saw it, he was so shocked his legs went weak. The note read: 'Housework not finished, want to hire a few more men to work a few more days...'

18. Xiao Zhang bought a hunting rifle and wanted to equip it with a telescope, so he went to a weapons store!The shop owner proudly held up the telescope and said, "This thing is really useful. From here, you can clearly see the house on the hillside opposite my place!"

Xiao Zhang said excitedly, "Really?" Then he took the telescope and looked toward the hillside. As he watched, he suddenly burst out laughing!

"What are you laughing at?" The shop owner asked, somewhat puzzled.

Xiao Zhang looked and said, "I see a naked man and a naked woman inside that house."

The shop owner hurriedly took the telescope to look, shaking with anger!

The shop owner gritted his teeth and said, "If you can blow off that woman's head and that man's thing, I'll give you this telescope for free!" Saying this, he took out two bullets from the cabinet.

Xiao Zhang took the bullets, looked carefully at the opposite side through the telescope again, and suddenly said, "Based on the current situation, one bullet is enough to meet your request!"

(Do you understand the last thing Xiao Zhang said?)

19. There was a young man from the countryside who went to the city for the first time. Seeing the colorful advertisements featuring beautiful women on the street, his body reacted!

But he thought he was sick and hurried to the hospital, telling the doctor, "Doctor, help me, I've swollen here."

The doctor looked at him, found it very funny, and didn't want to explain, so he said, "Don't worry, take some medicine and it will be fine." He casually gave him some medicine to take.

After taking the medicine for a while, he indeed felt better, so the next day he went out again.

The same situation happened as yesterday. He hurried back to the hospital, but the doctor from the previous day wasn't there—only a nurse. He explained his condition to the nurse!

After listening, the nurse smiled and led him straight into the ward...

After a while, the young man came out and happened to see the doctor returning. He said, "What kind of doctor are you? You just casually gave me some medicine and sent me off, so irresponsible! Unlike this nurse, she even sucked out all the pus from me!"

20. One day, three male tourists from China, the United States, and Japan traveled to Africa and accidentally entered a primitive tribe. They were captured by the natives, who planned to eat them.

Before opening their stomachs, the tribal chief said, "Our tribe has a rule: if the combined length of your three ** equals exactly 20 centimeters, we will let you go."The three of them were overjoyed and immediately cooperated with the locals to measure the length of **. The American took it out and measured—ten centimeters; the Chinese took it out and measured—eight centimeters. At this, the American and the Chinese were stunned, then stomped their feet and beat their chests, loudly declaring that death was inevitable. At that moment, the Japanese took out ** and measured—exactly two centimeters! The three of them were immediately overjoyed, shouting hurray. After the celebration, human flaws quickly surfaced. The American said: 'Mine is the biggest, so I deserve the most credit!' The Chinese said: 'Mine is a bit smaller than yours, but without my eight centimeters, it wouldn't work; why should you get the most credit?' While the two argued, the Japanese shouted: 'You two stop fighting! If I hadn't gotten erect in time, you both would have been screwed!!!'