1. In a convent lived an old nun and a young nun. The young nun had lived in the convent since she was a child and was now nineteen years old. She was graceful and elegant, but increasingly inclined towards feelings of lust. She felt that such desires were sinful, but didn't know how to deal with them, so she confided in the old nun. The young nun said: 'Old nun, I keep thinking about men recently, what should I do?' The old nun looked at her sympathetically, then turned, opened a drawer, took out a revolver, and handed it to the young nun, saying: 'If you ever feel desire for men again, just go to the back hill and fire a shot at the sky, and your mind will calm down.' The young nun followed this method, fired a shot, and, strangely, her mind immediately calmed. Day after day, she used this method to suppress her urges. However, as she grew older, she found that she needed to fire more bullets to relieve her desires. Eventually, she once used up all the bullets in the revolver in one go, but to her astonishment, she still couldn't eliminate her cravings. Suddenly, she thought: 'The old nun is so old, she must have another method to solve this.' So the young nun went to the old nun's room to ask for advice, and upon entering, almost fainted — the old nun was wearing a camouflage outfit, carrying two machine guns on her back, a row of grenades on her waist, dragging a cannon, and her eyes were red as she stepped out, ready to unleash a great outburst...
2. Xiao Ying was a thirteen-year-old girl from the countryside. To help with household expenses, she came to Taipei to work in a brush-making factory. Being at the stage of puberty, she noticed that many black hairs had grown in her private area, and she thought she had been infected by the brushes, so she went to ask the factory mistress. Xiao Ying: 'Mistress, I've been infected by the brushes, lots of hair has grown down there!' Mistress: 'Silly child, this is normal.' Xiao Ying still didn't believe it, so the mistress pulled down her pants to show her, and only then did she half-believe it. A few months later, Xiao Ying noticed that the pubic hair was growing even more, and she became worried again. She went to ask the mistress, but the mistress was not there. So she told the boss about it. The boss laughed and said: 'No need to worry.' Xiao Ying still didn't believe it, so the boss also pulled down his pants to show her. At this moment, Xiao Ying cried: 'Even the handle has grown out, and you say it can't be transmitted.' Boss: ?#@!!
3. One day on the bus, two boys were having a conversation.1. Mr. A asked Mr. B: 'Do you value a girl's personality or her appearance more?' Mr. B replied: 'Of course, appearance!' Mr. A said: 'Isn't that too superficial? Beauty is only temporary!' Mr. B replied: 'But ugliness is eternal!'
4. Eighty-year-old Elder Yang planned to marry a twenty-year-old bride. The elder went to the hospital for a pre-marital checkup. The doctor said: 'According to the report, your blood pressure and breathing are normal, no diabetes, no color blindness… alright, now I need to check your sexual function.' The elder then stuck out his tongue and five fingers…
5. A mother gave birth to two children, one called Nipple and the other called Watermelon. One day, Nipple went missing, and the mother went to the police station to report a disappearance. The police asked: 'How big is Nipple?' The mother said: 'The same size as Watermelon!'
6. Man: 'You take off your clothes first, and I'll do mine after you.' Woman: 'I take longer to undress, so you should go first.' Man: 'Alright, then! To save time, let's undress together.' Woman: 'Isn't that a bit impolite?' Man: 'It's fine, we're close people.' Woman: 'Then hurry! Put everything in, be careful! Don't get the clothes dirty!' Man: 'Hmm… having this spin dryer is really convenient.'
7. A man called to hire an escort. Unexpectedly, he misdialed, and a woman answered. The man realized it was a wrong number and was about to hang up. The woman, upon hearing he wanted escort services, immediately said: 'Sir, if you don't mind, I can fully accommodate you. But let me declare, I am a respectable person.'
8. One day, a woodcutter met a monk wandering in the mountains and began chatting… Woodcutter: 'How long have you been doing your retreat here?' Monk: 'About thirty years…' Woodcutter: 'During your such retreat, I wonder, do you still get aroused a few times a month?' Monk: 'My skills are still shallow; I still get aroused three times a month…' Woodcutter: 'You are indeed extraordinary, I admire you!!' Monk: 'Oh, not at all!! It's just ten days at a time…'
9. Ah San was a playboy, but one day his thing stopped working. The doctor examined him and said: 'Due to overexertion, you have severe erectile dysfunction.' Ah San hastily asked: 'Can it be treated?' The doctor replied: 'I have a kind of medicine that can cure your condition.'But from now on, you can only have sex 20 times." After finishing treatment, A San returned home and told his wife about his misfortune. His wife was in the prime of her life and burst into tears when she heard the news. With tears streaming down her face, she asked, "Honey, how should we arrange these 20 times in the future?" Unexpectedly, A San replied, "You don't need to worry about that. I counted each of them on the way back just now. The remaining 20 times won't be your turn." 10. In a rural area, the daughter was about to get married. The mother came over and said, "Daughter, here's a bottle of oil for you to apply under it tonight." The daughter said, "What are you doing, Mom?" "Your mother regretted not applying it right away. It hurt a lot the first night." So she put the oil on the table. Then the neighbor's aunt came over, saw a bottle of oil, took it away, and replaced it with a bottle of starch. The next day, when the daughter came home, her mother asked, "How is it?" The daughter said, "Why does it hurt so much?" "Mom thought to herself: No way, what kind of work is my son-in-law's job! I had to take a look." Coincidentally, rural toilets don't have roofs, so she climbed up a tree and saw that it was fine. It turned out her son-in-law had been covered in a lot of paste down there last night, all dried, and was scraping down with a small knife. Mom, startled, couldn't help but shout, "Wow!!" Last night wasn't dry, so I'll sharpen it today and come back again!!!! 11. A-Dai: Dad, what is sex? Dad: This ..... Let me show you. (Dad then leads A-Dai into the room and points at Mom lying on the bed) Dad: Do you see Mom's hole? Dad: Watch closely... (Dad jumps onto the bed and starts making love with Mom) (At that moment, my brother runs into the room) Brother: What is Dad doing? A-Dai: I'm having sex with Mom. Brother: What is sex? A-Dai: Do you see Dad's hole? A-Dai: Watch closely... 12. One day, four-year-old Mary excitedly told her mother, "Mom, Mom, I get it!" "'Do you know what?'" "Why is Dad's belly so big!" 'Oh, why?' "Because this morning I saw maid Julie desperately blowing on the tube under Dad's belly." 13. The daughter tearfully told her father that she had been raped by her boss and was pregnant. Her father was furious and immediately went to find the boss. Boss: I'm very sorry, but since things have come to this, if you have a son, I'll give you 1 million yuan; if it's a daughter, 50,000 yuan. Father: If you have a miscarriage, can you give me another chance? 14. Someone has a peeping habit.One night after dinner, he secretly climbed into the women's restroom, intending to take a good look. After a while, a young wife hurriedly rushed in, holding her stomach, and just as she was taking care of herself, she suddenly realized she had forgotten to bring toilet paper. Panicked, she searched around but couldn't even find a brick. Just as she was feeling anxious, a piece of toilet paper floated down from above. Without thinking much, she picked it up and used it. After finishing, she thought: something's not right! She looked up and saw a man above her. Terrified, she shouted: 'Who's there?' The man above made a gesture at her and said: 'Shh! Leifeng!'
Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is currently recuperating in the county hospital due to a chest laceration. The editor instructed the newly appointed journalist, saying, 'This is a family newspaper. We don't use the word "chest." Now go back and use a more euphemistic term!' The young journalist racked his brain for a long time and finally submitted the following report: 'Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is currently recuperating in the county hospital due to a ( . )( . ) laceration.'
