Still a joke...

1. One day, the funeral home received three people. Strangely, they all had smiles of ^_^ after death... The funeral home administrator curiously asked the police: Why do their faces show ^_^ after death? The police said: Well... it's a long story... Look at the person on the left... He died with his wife while spending a passionate night together... unable to hold on at the peak... passed away. The administrator replied: Sigh... to die under the flowers... even as a ghost, still romantic... What about the one in the middle? The police: The one in the middle... it was really a tragedy... He was walking on the street and suddenly heard he had won the lottery, a prize of over 700 million... While laughing happily... he was hit by an oncoming car... and died. The administrator said: Sigh... he really didn't have the luck to enjoy this wealth and fame in the latter half of life... So what about the last one? The police: ...This one is a bit pitiful... He got struck by lightning while climbing a tree. The administrator replied: ...This seems odd, why would he be smiling after getting hit by lightning... The police said: Because after he climbed the tree, he thought... suddenly a flash of lightning... He thought... someone was taking his photo... 2. LZ is a girl with glasses. One day, my nephew was squatting in mud while wearing open-crotch pants. On impulse, I reached out and flicked his little JJ. My nephew looked up at me indifferently, then buried his head back into the ground, murmuring, '9 out of 10 people with glasses are bad, and one is a pervert.' 3. Billions of soldiers on the Great Wall. Riding horses, raising swords, entering Tokyo. Kill all Japanese devils and Americans. Resolutely reclaim the Diaoyu Islands. 4. People in Egypt and India don't need toilet paper. After responding to nature's call, do you know what they do? They use their left hand to clean themselves, then rinse with water. How dirty is that? But every time I pass a certain building and see such long lines for Indian flatbreads, I cover my face and laugh as I walk past. You see, to flip those hard flatbreads, one hand alone is not enough.5. Recognizing People by Legs--

During an animal biology exam at a certain university, the chief professor announced the question: Ten birds were placed at the front of the classroom, each covered with a cloth bag, leaving only their legs exposed. You are to carefully observe each bird's legs, then identify their common names, habits, classifications, and so on.

A college student observed the legs of each bird, but to him, the birds seemed indistinguishable. The more he looked, the more frustrated he became. He stood up and said to the professor, "This kind of exam is too boring. Who can really recognize birds just by their legs?"

The professor was surprised by his words and actions and hurriedly asked, "Which class are you in, and what is your name?"

Frustrated, the student walked up to the podium, rolled up his pant legs, and shouted at the professor, "Guess! Guess!"

6. The Beggar and the Miser--

A beggar came to the door of a miser and asked for alms.

Beggar: "Please give me a small piece of meat, cheese, or butter."

Miser: "None!"

Beggar: "Crumbs will do."

Miser: "None of those either!"

Beggar: "Then at least let me drink some water!"

Miser: "We don't even have water."

The beggar became angry: "Then why are you still sitting at home? Why don't you go beg with me!"

7. The Prisoner and the Horse--

A cavalryman was unfortunately captured in battle.

"We will kill all the prisoners," said the enemy commander to him. "However, because you fought bravely and admirably, I will delay killing you for three days and grant you three requests within that time. Now, you may ask for your first request."

Without thinking, the cavalryman said, "I want to talk to my horse." The commander agreed. The cavalryman went over and whispered something to his horse. Upon hearing this, the horse let out a long whinny and galloped away. At dusk, the horse returned carrying a beautiful young woman on its back. That night, the cavalryman spent the night with the woman. The commander clicked his tongue in amazement: "Truly a magical steed!" he said. "However, I still must kill you. What is your second request?"

The cavalryman again asked to speak with his horse. The commander agreed, and the cavalryman whispered again to his horse. The horse once more let out a long whinny and galloped away. At dusk, the horse returned; this time, the woman on its back was even more attractive and enchanting than the previous one.That night, the cavalryman spent another joyful evening with the young lady. The leader was greatly impressed: 'Both you and your horse are extraordinary, but I will still kill you tomorrow. Now state your last wish.' The cavalryman thought for a moment and said, 'I want to talk to my horse alone.' The leader found it strange but nodded in agreement, leaving with his attendants, leaving only the cavalryman and his prized horse in the tent. The cavalryman stared intensely at his horse, suddenly grabbed its ears, and said angrily, 'I'll say it again, bring a whole brigade, not just a woman!'

8. Quick Answer ---

A man was using the restroom at a highway service station. The first stall was occupied, so he went into the second one. Just as he sat on the toilet, he heard someone in the next stall say, 'Hi, how are you? Everything okay?'

The man felt it was strange to chat while using the toilet, but not wanting to be rude, he reluctantly answered: 'It's okay!'

Then the person next to him asked, 'What are you busy with?'

The man was startled, even more puzzled, but still replied, 'I'm going on a business trip to Taichung.'

Then, he heard the person next to him say, 'I'll call you in a moment. There's a crazy person next to me; every time I talk to you, he rushes to answer.'

9. Interval Station ---

A passenger said to the attendant, 'I want to get off at Doncaster.'

The attendant said, 'This train doesn't stop at Doncaster on Tuesdays. But, buddy, when we switch tracks at Doncaster, the speed will slow down. I'll open the door, and you can jump off. Although the train isn't moving fast, you need to keep running forward after jumping down, or you'll get caught in the wheels.'

When the train reached Doncaster, the compartment doors opened, and the man jumped off and ran forward. Nervous as he was, he ran to the doors of the second compartment. At that moment, the compartment doors opened, and an attendant pulled him back in. The train then returned to normal speed.

The attendant said, 'Buddy, you're really lucky! On Tuesdays, this train doesn't stop at Doncaster!'

10. Boasting ---

A farmer boasted to people that his estate was very large. He said, 'If I drove around my estate, it would take a whole week.'A listener sympathetically said, "Yeah, I also had such a beat-up car."

11. Our multiplication table is really impressive... Several scientists were having a meeting, and someone asked what 11 times 11 equals. The American scientists almost wanted to count on their fingers, but the Chinese scientists immediately answered 121. The American scientists then seriously criticized: How can you guess in math? Science is a very serious subject. Then they took out a calculator and pressed it for a long time. Sure enough, it was 121, and they were astonished: Damn, your guess was actually correct.

12. No matter what vehicle a person rides, they always want a window seat. One day, when going to take a plane, he asked the airline attendant for a window seat when getting his boarding pass, but she said there were none left.

After boarding, he randomly took a window seat. Suddenly, someone came and said, "This is my seat." He replied, "I just like this seat, I simply won't give it up." The person pleaded, but it was no use. Finally, in anger, he said, "Fine then, you fly the plane yourself!" and turned to leave.

13. The bus was extremely crowded. A couple was standing at the door. A guy tried to squeeze from the back to get off and said to the woman, "Excuse me, let me through," but she didn't move.

As the guy squeezed past, he stepped on her. The woman then got really aggressive, continually shouting, "Are you crazy?! Are you crazy?!" in a very loud voice, attracting the attention of everyone on the bus. The guy didn't say anything. When he couldn't take it anymore upon getting off, he turned back and said to the woman, "You're like a broken record!" Everyone on the bus burst out laughing.

A few funny kids in the back started reenacting the scene. One said, "You're crazy!" the other said, "You're a broken record!" Everyone on the bus laughed again. Later, a little girl wanted to get off, shyly saying, "I...I...I want to get off, I'm not crazy!" Everyone on the bus laughed again.

The woman didn't say anything, but someone nearby commented, "Are you out of battery?" Everyone on the bus laughed uncontrollably.

14. A severely ill patient was lying on the hospital bed, wearing an oxygen mask with tubes all around him. Suddenly, the patient began convulsing, and his mouth moved as if he wanted to say something.The priest standing nearby saw this and quickly bent down, softly asking, "Do you want to say something?" The patient nodded firmly. The priest handed the patient a pen and a notebook, saying, "I know you can't speak right now. You can write down what you want to say, and I will give it to your wife. She is just outside the ward." The patient struggled to write a few words, handed them to the priest, and then, after a struggle, passed away. The priest carefully kept the note, conducted the final rites, and then went out to inform the widow of the bad news. After offering some consolation, the priest handed the note to the widow, saying, "This is his last words, written just before he passed away." The widow opened the note with tears and read: "Move aside, you are stepping on my oxygen tube."

15. Doing a chest X-ray, a colleague of mine had just gotten onto the X-ray machine when the doctor loudly called over several other doctors: "Come quickly, come quickly, I've been doing this for twenty years, and today I finally encounter one—look, isn't the heart on the right side!"
The doctors all said, "It really is!"
At this moment, my colleague turned weakly from behind the X-ray machine and asked, "Can't be, why didn't anyone tell me?"
"Damn it, you were facing away from me, turn around!" Everyone fainted from shock!!!

16. Hearing test, using a single earphone, producing sounds of different volumes and frequencies to test whether you can hear them. A colleague of mine couldn't hear anything at all. The doctor (note: a young female doctor) repeatedly increased the volume, but he still couldn't hear. Then the doctor asked, "Have you ever fired a gun?" Suddenly, the room went completely silent... My colleague, turning red in the face and straining his neck, whispered, "Yes, but what does that have to do with it?" "Oh, I meant, are you a veteran?" Again, everyone fainted~~~~