Guiding text: The wife bought perfume and even sprayed a little extra on herself. As soon as her husband got off work, she rushed over and happily asked, "Smell it! What's different about today's fragrance?" Her husband sniffed for a while and said, "Wow, you must have made my favorite braised pork for dinner tonight."

1. A woman was lying on the bed entangled with her lover when she suddenly heard her husband enter the room. "Quick! Stand in that corner and don't move!" The woman hurriedly rubbed baby oil all over him and sprinkled him with lime powder, whispering, "Just stand still, pretend you're a statue." When her husband entered the room, he pointed at the corner and asked, "What's that?" Calmly, the woman said, "Oh! Just a statue. There's one in the Cai family's bedroom, and I thought it was quite beautiful, so I made one for display at home too." From then on, the couple never discussed the statue again until they went to bed. Around 2 a.m., the husband got up to eat in the kitchen. When returning to the bedroom with a sandwich and a glass of milk, he handed them to the statue and said, "Here, have something! Don't stand around like I did all day at the Cai family's, not even a sip of water to drink."

2. Both the husband and wife had lovers on the side and often went out seeking excitement, rarely spending the night together. One day, both were home and felt a bit guilty toward each other, so they were unusually affectionate. As they slept until early morning, the wife suddenly sat up and muttered loudly in her sleep, "Oh no, my husband is back!" Hearing this, the husband immediately jumped up, rapidly grabbed all his clothes, and jumped out the window… Commentary: So you see, if you're not family, you won't enter the same door, and you two really are a perfect match!

3. A woman secretly met her lover while her husband was at work. One day, while they were in bed, she heard her husband's car returning and anxiously shouted to her lover, "Quick, grab your clothes and jump out the window!" Her lover looked out: "It's raining heavily outside. You want me to jump?" "If my husband catches us, we're doomed," the woman exclaimed. The lover had no choice but to grab his clothes and jump out the window. However, he landed in the middle of a group of marathon runners, so he had to hold the clothes and start running along with them. One runner asked him, "Are you used to running naked?" Gasping, he replied, "Yes, it reduces air resistance."“Another contestant asked the streaking man, ‘Do you always carry your clothes in your hands when you run?' He replied, slightly out of breath, ‘Yes, that way, after the race I can put on clothes and drive home.' The person then asked, ‘Do you usually carry multiple sets when you run?' The man said, ‘Only when it rains.'

4. One night, a man walked into a bar and said to the bartender, ‘Please give me a beer.'
Bartender: ‘Sure, one beer, one cent.'
The customer did not believe it and shouted, ‘One beer for one cent?!'
Bartender: ‘Exactly, one cent!'
The customer looked at the menu and said, ‘Can I get a large rib steak, with mushrooms, French fries, and two fried eggs?'
Bartender: ‘Of course, but that will be quite expensive.'
Customer: ‘How much?'
Bartender: ‘Four cents in total!'
Customer: ‘Where is the owner of this bar?'
Bartender: ‘Upstairs with my wife!'
Customer: ‘What is he doing upstairs with your wife?'
Bartender: ‘Just like what I do downstairs, running his bar!'

5. A certain boss went on a business trip for several days. Feeling lonely, he went to a nightclub to find a beautiful lady and spent a night of pleasure costing a thousand. To avoid scrutiny from his accountant wife, he issued a maintenance receipt, noting: ‘Extreme hot weather, tire burst, replaced with a new one.'

6. In a coastal village, most of the men went out to sea and were away from home for long periods. Almost every woman in the village had an affair, but after the affair, they would go to the priest to confess. After a while, the priest suggested to the women: ‘From now on, let's call the word [affair] “falling down.” As long as you say [falling down], I will understand!' Later, the old priest retired. Before leaving, he specifically instructed the village chief to explain the meaning of [falling down] to the new priest. However, after the new priest took office, the village chief forgot to tell him about this. The women continued to confess to the priest every day, saying, ‘I fell down today.'
Because so many people were ‘falling down,' the priest went to the village chief and suggested strengthening the road construction so that people wouldn't fall down so often. Unexpectedly, the village chief laughed heartily. The priest, not understanding why and seeing the chief so happy, angrily said, ‘Why are you laughing! The village chief's wife has already fallen down three times this week!'"7. One day, a funeral worker was working late. His job usually required him to conduct detailed inspections of the bodies before they were sent for burial or cremation. When he was examining Mr. Wang's body, he was astonished to find that Mr. Wang's thing was the longest and largest he had ever seen in his life. 'Mr. Wang, I'm truly sorry! I cannot just have you cremated like this. That thing of yours is so special that it must be preserved for future generations.' So the mortician used a scalpel to cut it off, wrapped it, and put it in a briefcase to take home. The first person he showed it to was his wife: 'Honey, I'm going to show you something you absolutely won't believe!' He opened the briefcase and took it out. His wife looked and screamed, 'Oh my God! Mr. Wang has died!'

8. A middle-aged couple had two very beautiful daughters, but they always longed for a son. They finally decided to make one last attempt. After several months of effort, Heaven did not disappoint the diligent; the wife became pregnant. Nine months later, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. The happy father rushed to the nursery to see his newborn son, but was horrified by what he saw—the boy was the ugliest baby he had ever seen in his life. He went to his wife and told her that he absolutely could not be the father of this baby, angrily questioning her: 'Were you secretly seeing another man behind my back?' His wife sweetly smiled at him and said: 'Not this time.'

9. Old Zheng lay on his deathbed, barely alive. His wife, Xiao Chan, sat by the bed, holding his hand, tears streaming down her face, murmuring prayers. Old Zheng opened his weak eyes to look at Xiao Chan, and with his pale lips, he softly said: 'My dear Xiao Chan…' Xiao Chan covered his mouth: 'You are tired! Just sleep peacefully, dear, don't speak!' Old Zheng weakly said, 'But, I have something I must confess to you!' 'There's nothing to confess! You're tired, just sleep well!' Xiao Chan sobbed. 'No! No! No! I must confess, I want to die peacefully. I have slept with your sister, your best friend, and your best friend's friend.' Xiao Chan quietly sobbed: 'I know, that is why I wanted to poison you!'

10. Two women were drinking in the countryside, drinking until the sky began to lighten.On the way back, they couldn't hold it in, so they braved themselves into a cemetery by the side of the road. Because they didn't bring toilet paper, the first woman took off her underpants to wipe and then threw them away. The second woman noticed a flower wreath nearby and tore off a condolence ribbon to wipe herself. Shortly after the two women returned home, their husbands called each other. "Looks like we need to be careful. Last night something must have happened, I noticed my wife came back without wearing underpants!" "Mine's even worse, I found a note stuck on my wife's butt saying, ‘I will never forget you!'"

11. The wife stretched to wear a 'sexy crotchless lingerie' and posed seductively in the bedroom, wanting to surprise her husband. Husband: 'I already told you to lose weight, see, you even tore your underpants!'

12. Trusting Husband: 'I really love you, but a woman claimed she's pregnant, insisting it's my child.' Wife: 'I absolutely believe it's not yours. Look carefully at our child, in what way does he look like you?'

13. Requests and Reasons: At night, a couple lay in bed. The husband gently patted his wife's shoulders and began to rub her arms. The wife turned around and said, 'Darling, sorry, I need to see the gynecologist tomorrow. I want to stay clean.' Being rejected, the husband helplessly turned over to sleep. But after a few minutes, he turned back to gently pat his wife's shoulders. This time he leaned to her ear and gently asked, 'Are you also going to the dentist tomorrow?'

14. Will Not Be Confused: The husband complained, 'Darling, you gave my name to our puppy; I keep confusing it.' 'No, when calling the dog, my tone is very gentle.'

15. Being Frugal: The husband complained to his wife: 'Why do you buy such expensive lingerie? You barely have any chest!' The wife angrily responded: 'By that logic, you could save all the money you spend on your underpants!!' Husband: '…'

16. The Womanizing Husband: There was a womanizing husband, involved ambiguously with many women. One time, his wife heard another piece of his scandalous news and loudly scolded him: 'Marriage is not a game, how can you be so careless?' The husband pulled his wife close and said: 'Darling, you should know, those were just flings!'Hearing her husband make such sly excuses, the wife was even more furious. She shouted, "I originally thought it was just a one-act play, but now it seems like an ongoing series! Are you ever going to stop?"

17. After waking from a dream, the wife said to her husband, "I just had a dream where you gave me a string of pearls on Valentine's Day. What do you think this dream means?"

"You'll know tonight," her husband replied.

That evening, her husband brought home a small package for her. She opened it with great joy and found: it was a book of 'Zhougong's Dream Interpretation.'

18. After arguing with his wife, she went off silently to boil water.

A while later, feeling thirsty, I wanted to ask if the water was ready, so I casually said, "Not boiling yet?!"

Hearing this, my wife, in a fit of anger, left home.

19. Sleep Talking
Wife: Honey, you've been talking in your sleep a lot recently. Do you want to go to the hospital to get it checked?
Husband: No need, if they fixed it, my last bit of say would be taken away.

20. Snoring
My wife has always complained about my snoring, but I've never heard myself snore, so I've always refused to admit it.

One day, my wife played a recording from her phone and said, "Listen yourself, such loud snoring."

I had no choice but to admit it. When I picked up the phone again to study my snoring, I realized that on the day of the recording, I wasn't even at home.

Editor's Note: A man earned a lot of money but gave it all to his wife. Later, after a divorce, he had nothing. After remarrying, his new wife scolded him, saying, "How can a grown man not save any private money?"

The man sincerely said, "You're right, I will definitely change in the future."