1. Guo Degang's number of fans recently finally surpassed Teacher Aoi Sora. Netizens asked Guo Degang how he felt about this. Guo Degang: The bald guy has finally surpassed the bare-bodied one…
2. A turtle got injured and sent a snail to buy medicine! Two hours later, the snail still hadn't returned. The turtle got anxious and shouted: "Damn it, if you don't come back, I'll die!" At that moment, the snail's voice came from outside the door: "Damn you, if you keep saying that, I'm not going!"
3. A man really wanted to live a long life, so he went to ask a doctor for the secret of longevity. The doctor asked: "What hobbies do you usually have?" The man said to the doctor: "I am neither lustful nor do I drink or eat meat!" The doctor angrily said: "Then why would you want to live that long?"
4. A father and son saw a very luxurious imported car. The son disdainfully said to his father: "People who drive this kind of car must have no knowledge!" The father calmly replied: "People who say such things must have no money in their pockets!"
5. Compare these two fish to see which one is handsomer. The handsome one will be tomorrow's dish.
6. While taking the elevator, a man was surprised to find a completely naked woman inside. The woman gave him a glare and said: "What are you looking at? What's so interesting!" The man replied: "Oh! I just meant to say that my wife also has one such leather jacket."
7. Despite losing his car several times, Xiao Qiang still parked it downstairs, but he put five locks on the car. He also attached a note on the car, viciously written: "I dare you to steal!" The next day, when he was about to unlock the car, he found that two more locks had been added, and there was also a small note, viciously written: "I dare you to ride!"
8. If the teacher hadn't said not to litter, I would have thrown you out already.
9. One day, two people wanted to commit suicide, so they went to God and asked Him to grant them death so they could go to heaven. God gave them a bottle of poison and said: "This is a bottle of poison, enough for one person. Separately it has no effect." In the end, both people died. Why??? Because one of them saw on the back of the bottle cap the words "Another bottle…"
10. A pig asked God to be reincarnated as a human. God asked: Do you want to be a worker? The pig replied: Too tiring! God asked: Do you want to be a farmer? The pig replied: Too hard! God asked: Do you want to do business? The pig replied: Too difficult! God asked: Then what do you want to be? The pig answered: Something where I can eat, drink, flirt, and gamble!God is furious: Damn it, still wanting to be a cadre! 11. I am single and ashamed, I am wasting paper for the country. 12. A man came to work with red, swollen eyes. A colleague asked, 'What happened to your eyes?' The man replied, 'Yesterday while walking on the street, a lady's skirt was blown up by the wind. I kindly helped her pull it down, and she punched me in the left eye!' The colleague asked again, 'And the right eye?' The man responded, 'I thought she didn't want the skirt pulled down, so I helped lift it back up.' 13. A man riding a motorcycle in a busy area knocked out an old stranger! The man was scared and at a loss! The crowd around kept growing! Suddenly, he embraced the old man, crying and shouting, 'Dad, wait for me, I'll find a doctor for you right away!' Then he ran away... The old man struggled angrily, shouting, 'Get back here, you!' The crowd sighed, 'What a filial son!' 14. Often walking in the kitchen, how can one not cut their hands? 15. A man went to the doctor. The doctor asked what was wrong. The man said, 'I want to show you something~ you must not laugh~' The doctor said, 'Okay~ I won't laugh.' Then the man took off his pants to show the doctor. The doctor saw that his genitals were the size of a matchstick~ and burst out laughing. The man unhappily said, 'It's swollen for days, and you're still laughing!' 16. Grade 5 composition 'Me Thirty Years Later': A child wrote: 'The weather is nice today. I am driving the Rolls-Royce my husband gave me for our wedding anniversary, wearing a three-carat big diamond ring, a ruby necklace around my neck, and taking the kids to the big forest park. Suddenly, a smelly, filthy, homeless old lady dashed onto the road. Oh my God! She is my Chinese teacher!' — Teacher's comment: This week you stood during class..! 17. My figure is actually quite good, fat but not greasy. 18. A penitent came to church and said to the priest: 'Father, I was wrong.' The priest said: 'As long as you admit your fault, God will surely forgive you.' The penitent said: 'I stole someone's bicycle, and now I want to give it to you.' The priest said: 'Don't give it to me, return it to the owner.' The penitent said: 'I already asked him, but he doesn't want it.' The priest said: 'Then you can keep it!' After work, the priest found the bicycle in the backyard was gone! 19. A beggar knocked on the car window and said: 'Give me some money.' The gentleman said: 'Here, have a cigarette.' The beggar: 'I don't smoke.'Sir: Here's some wine for you. Beggar: I don't drink. Sir says: I'll take you to gamble, if you win, it's yours. Beggar: I don't gamble. Sir says: I'll take you to a sauna to enjoy "full-service" and I'll cover all the costs. Beggar: I don't visit prostitutes. Sir says: Then get in the car, I'll take you home and let my wife see: a good man who doesn't smoke, drink, gamble, or visit prostitutes—what kind of life can he have! 20. Without the toad, even the swan feels lonely. 21. "The biggest advantage of getting older is: what you couldn't get when you were young, now you don't want." 22. In love life, what's scarier than not finding security? It's not finding a condom. 23. The Story of the Stone tells us: whatever you love sincerely will eventually fall apart, whatever is mixed will eventually reunite. 24. Now you insult me because you don't know me yet; when you get to know me in the future, you'll definitely want to hit me. 25. When two people are together, what happens more often is not changing each other, but accepting each other. So tolerance—if you only think about changing, that's not life, that's war. 26. How to fairly divide 9 oranges among 13 children? — Kill 4 children. 27. The most mysterious department in history: relevant authorities; the most mysterious person in history: insider; the most authoritative person in history: "brick specilist" (expert). 28. One day, the wife asked her husband: "Honey, do you think my hands are thin now?" The husband sadly replied: "Your hands are thin, but your legs seem a bit swollen..." 29. One day, my mother said to me: "Son, I'll sign you up tomorrow to learn singing, okay?" The son happily replied: "Sure! Sure! I can finally learn 'Anxious'!" 30. Watching the news broadcast every day, you never finish one news story, that's because you keep changing the channel!
