In real life, some people are upright at heart, some are cunning at heart, some are outwardly upright, and some are outwardly cunning. From this perspective, people can be categorized into four types: upright inside and upright outside, upright inside and cunning outside, cunning inside and cunning outside, and cunning inside and upright outside. The saying 'sing the song suitable for the mountain you climb' implies that interacting with people of different types requires different ways of communication.
1. Be honest and tactful with those who are upright both inside and outside.
In daily interactions, some people are straightforward, sharp-edged, and therefore not very likable. They are often too direct, too sincere, too passionate, and too proud. They are usually serious in dealing with the world, leave no room for compromise; they invest themselves in tasks, often standing out too much; they are full of energy, which can seem ostentatious; and their talents are remarkable, sometimes forgetting about balance. They hold fast to the principle that if it is my fault, I admit it and never shift the blame; if it is your fault, it is your fault, and there's no getting around it. People of this type are upright inside and outside. Being consistent in demeanor and fair in dealings is a beautiful assessment of these people. They are the ones who 'will not bow for five bushels of rice,' a heroic anecdote achieved by such people. The loyal Qu Yuan and the upright, selfless Bao Zheng are typical representatives of this type of character. If society lacks such people, the consequences are unimaginable because they are the purifiers of the social air, the stumbling blocks to evil deeds.
When interacting with people of this type, first, be honest. Those upright inside and outside will not speak with honeyed words while harboring a dagger; they will not pay lip service while acting differently; they are trustworthy and worthy of respect, so one should treat them sincerely and with care. If you approach them with hypocrisy or suspicion, it often triggers strong resentment, which they will display openly, widening the psychological distance between you. Second, be tactful. People who are upright inside and outside are inflexible in action, unadaptable in speech, and may put some others in awkward situations, so when engaging with them, such tact is necessary. When witnessing an upright inside and outside person speak bluntly or attack sharply, you should redirect the topic appropriately, or use humor, offer praise, and skillfully guide the conversation. Upright inside and outside people are pure-hearted and incorruptible; one should not hold grudges or get angry just because they have once 'hurt' you.
A renowned writer of this type, at the height of his fame, once received a letter from a young person expressing a desire to co-write a novel with him.After reading it, the famous writer felt a bit angry. In his letter, he wrote without reservation: 'Sir, how could you be so audacious? You actually want to hitch a noble horse and a lowly donkey to the same carriage.' The young man had a sudden inspiration and began his reply with: 'Dear Sir, how could you so highly esteem me as to compare me to a horse?' In the latter part of his letter, the young man detailed everything—his writing skills and potential, the necessity and feasibility of collaboration, and the impact on his growth as a young person. Upon receiving the letter, the famous writer laughed heartily and immediately replied: 'My friend, you are very interesting. Please send me the manuscript; I am very happy to accept your suggestions.' In this example, the young man humorously and sincerely misinterpreted the original meaning, took an unexpected approach, and persuaded the famous writer.
2. One should be polite and courteous to those who are upright internally but flexible externally
When being straightforward would harm someone else's self-esteem, when being blunt would put oneself in an awkward situation, or when being rigid cannot achieve satisfactory results, some people adopt a smooth and adaptable strategy. Even if something is clearly correct and should be adhered to without hesitation, if the resistance to persistence is too great, they will feign ignorance against their true intentions; even if something is clearly wrong and should be refuted with full justification, they will remain silent for personal gain. These people would rather be submissive and cautious than boastful and provoke jealousy; they weigh pros and cons in everything and never act on pure emotion. These people are the ones who are upright internally but flexible externally. They maintain personal integrity, are experienced in handling affairs, cautious and meticulous, principled yet flexible. Being intelligent and capable but unobtrusive, with emotions well-controlled, they are steady and tactful, often excelling in complex interpersonal and interest-related situations. In times when a great structure is about to collapse, those who are upright internally but flexible externally, together with those who are upright both internally and externally, form the beams and columns supporting the endangered building. Zhuge Liang, who understood the ways of the world, and Zeng Guofan, who was humble and self-disciplined, are typical representatives of this type of person.
When interacting with such individuals, one must be polite and reasonable. Although those who are upright internally but flexible externally appear easy-going on the surface, in reality they detest rudeness and oppose evil; impolite or unreasonable people cannot become close friends with them. If you wish to shorten the psychological distance with such people, you must demonstrate a positive, healthy, and uplifting attitude in your interactions.Behaviors and actions that are ashamed to show in front of others or are overly humble should be minimized in the presence of such people; only then can you gain their recognition. Second, everything should be moderate and measured. People who are straightforward internally but tactful externally, even if they are quite disgusted with others, will not display their dissatisfaction on their faces. They may appear very friendly to you on the surface, but what they truly feel inside is unpredictable. Therefore, when interacting with them, it is important to observe boundaries and maintain moderation; do not overstep just because they are smiling.
A wealthy overseas Chinese, Mr. Lei, decided to visit his poor and underdeveloped hometown to explore setting up a factory. The local township chief, Mr. Wang, received him very warmly, first inviting him to a small gathering at a hotel. To avoid embarrassment, Mr. Lei had no choice but to "follow the local customs." However, Mr. Lei was not good at drinking; after a few drinks, he blushed and politely declined to drink more. Nevertheless, Mr. Wang, in order to express his “landlord's hospitality,” insisted on him drinking more, offering compliments and urging him to "have another" and "another" cup. Mr. Lei, mindful of his gentlemanly demeanor, reluctantly drank a few more cups. After the drinks, Mr. Wang, wishing to show his “hospitality,” strongly invited Mr. Lei to sing. Although Mr. Lei did not enjoy singing, he joined in for the entire evening to avoid hurting Mr. Wang's pride. The next day, Mr. Lei left 1,000 yuan to cover the expenses of the previous day's reception and departed from this still barren homeland. Mr. Wang was very puzzled; Mr. Lei had seemed so enthusiastic, why did he leave suddenly? Alas! Mr. Wang did not understand Mr. Lei's character: upright inside, unwilling to tolerate Mr. Wang's improper demands or waste of time; yet externally tactful, he did not confront Mr. Wang directly or lose face. What if Mr. Wang had been polite and considerate in hosting Mr. Lei? What would the outcome have been?
Third, one must be disciplined when dealing with people who are tactful both internally and externally. In life, some people excel at navigating "human affairs," prioritizing personal interests. They bow when necessary, burn incense when required, cultivate relationships when needed, act indifferent when appropriate, and take action when necessary. Not only are they highly skilled in social dealings, but internally they impose few restrictions or moral rules on themselves and rarely question the true meaning of life. When they encounter favorable or beneficial situations, they seize them; when they face unfavorable, anonymous, or unprofitable matters, they avoid them. Such individuals are characterized as being both tactful internally and externally.The difference from people who are righteous inside and flexible outside is that they generally do not sympathize with the weak, help the poor, and may even scheme against and distort others for personal gain. Representatives of such people are some street scoundrels and petty men. Because they lack lofty and upright character, they generally do not become great individuals. When interacting with people of this type, one must be methodical. Deep down, they do not have any principles they must follow in conducting themselves, so they may engage in superficially glamorous but actually self-serving and harmful tricks. Improper behavior from them should be explicitly corrected; one should not feel embarrassed to speak the truth just because of concern about saving face, thereby suffering personal grievance. Furthermore, when cooperating with people who are righteous both inside and outside, one should maintain some reservation and caution, and not trust them too readily. People righteous both inside and outside are very aware of their shortcomings and therefore fear that others will act unfaithfully or break promises. Therefore, when dealing with such people, it is important to clearly signal to them: if you keep your word, then I will honor my promise. Under this approach, they can be guided to act properly in social interactions. Wang Er in a certain company is a typical person righteous both inside and outside. One incident illustrates this well. A colleague went on a business trip to another city, and Wang Er cheerfully asked him to bring some goods. When the colleague delivered the purchased goods, Wang Er conveniently forgot to pay. After ten to fifteen days, Wang Er seriously and casually asked: 'Did I pay you? Don't be embarrassed, okay?' Who would take a hundred or so yuan seriously? In this way, Wang Er gained a small benefit from his colleague without cost and was very pleased with his small trick. In this incident, Wang Er exploited people's weaknesses for personal gain. His colleague should not have withheld the truth; he should clearly point out that Wang Er did not pay. Doing so would neither cause personal loss nor offend Wang Er. 4. Be Flexible with People Who Are Flexible Inside but Rigid Outside Some people talk about the people's interests and constantly mention party discipline and laws, but their minds are filled with illicit desires and personal gain. On stage, they appear passionate and seem upright gentlemen, but off stage, they engage in messy, shameful behavior. In front of leaders and the public, these people exude righteousness, but they are very clear about the kind of person they really are.People of this type are those who are round on the inside and square on the outside. Because they play a double game with words and actions, and use duplicitous tactics, they are extremely deceptive. On the stage of life, they are excellent actors. Corrupt officials wrapped in a golden halo and villains wearing fancy clothes are typical representatives of this type. They are very good at packaging themselves, but if you strip away that facade, their true nature is revealed. “Golden and jade on the outside, rotten cotton within” is an apt description of them.
When interacting with people of this type, one must be flexible. Since they say one thing and think another, dealing with them requires listening to what they say but not fully trusting it. How to interact, what strategies to use, which methods to adopt, and what content to convey should all be adjusted according to the situation. One must not be dazzled by their “brilliant discourse” and end up in a dead-end. When dealing with these people, the primary task is to analyze their true feelings based on various pieces of information and then apply solutions appropriately and guide them cleverly. This way, they can be brought onto the right track of interaction.
Before going abroad to study, Xiao Song wanted to register his marriage with his partner Xiao Xue. However, the director Yan at the marriage registration office at the civil affairs bureau said, “Xiao Song, you are still two months short of the registration age! The law has regulations; even if you are just two hours short, it's not allowed.” With no way around it, the two of them returned home sadly. Their neighbor, Director Chi from the public security bureau, who heard about it, said, “The ID card doesn't even specify the exact hour of birth, so how could two hours make a difference? Director Yan must be one of those people who say one thing and mean another. According to our local regulations, people in your situation should be accommodated. Here's what to do: go again tomorrow and say that your uncle, a classmate of Director Li at the civil affairs bureau, and Director Chi at the public security bureau said that Director Yan is highly capable, understands public sentiment, and will actively seek leadership approval to grant a favorable consideration.”
The next day, this approach indeed worked. Director Yan thought for a while and told them, “We just received a notice from higher authorities yesterday afternoon, stating that young men and women in special circumstances should be accommodated. Alright, fill in the registration forms.” And just like that, the matter was handled smoothly.Director Ma is a typical person who is round on the outside but square on the inside. On the surface, he pretends to be a righteous and impartial person, but inside he is full of tricks and schemes, telling lies just to maintain his 'image.' Based on Chief Chi's hints, Xiao Song and the other person made some adaptations, thereby resolving the problem. For our society to develop healthily, we should resolutely avoid assigning important responsibilities to people like Director Yan.