1. A student approached a Taoist priest and said, "Taoist master, there are often cold drafts in my dorm; I suspect it's haunted!" The priest asked, "How long has this been happening?" The student replied, "Every day since July." The priest was shocked: "Then why are you only thinking about exorcising the ghosts now?" The student scratched his head: "Our dorm doesn't have air conditioning, you see…"
2. A netizen summarized sharply: Americans invented the iPhone, the Chinese are frantically inventing iPhone cases.
Tonight, there was a mock exam scheduled during self-study. I'm smart, so I photographed the review outline with my phone beforehand and peeked at it during the exam when the teacher wasn't looking. The tragedy was that the school suddenly had a power outage at that time. In an instant, my face was as bright as a full moon in the night sky…
3. When the class bell rang, the classroom was still noisy. The teacher slammed the desk, and it immediately quieted down. Then the teacher shouted: "You can't hear the class bell?" After a moment of silence, a low voice came from a corner of the classroom: "Which time did you hear the dismissal bell?"
4. In college, the professor asked us, "Money or wisdom, which would you choose?" A guy immediately replied, "Of course, I choose money!" The professor smiled slightly and said, "I would choose wisdom." The professor then asked, "Do you know why?" The guy, again without thinking, said, "Of course, people always choose what they lack. I can understand that."
5. Nowadays, the cafeteria food prices are skyrocketing. When I can't afford vegetables, I just eat more rice. One evening when I went to get food, the aunt serving rice probably saw my large figure and kindly said, "Not enough? Take some more!" Unfortunately, my appetite was huge, and even an extra portion wasn't enough, so I went back for another serving, and finished that too. When I went for a third time, the aunt finally couldn't hold back her face, but she managed not to say a word, just cast a glance at the wall. I was petrified when I saw it. On the wall was written: "Please cherish your food!"
6. A little girl called a radio station: "I want to dedicate a song to my mom because she works so hard. She never rests on Sundays; either she buys me a lot of exercises at the bookstore to do, or takes me to various tutoring classes." "Such a thoughtful child! May I ask what song you want to dedicate to your mom?" The little girl said in her innocent voice: "I want to dedicate Xin Xiaoqi's 'Why Should Women Make Life Hard for Women?'"7. When going out shopping, I saw a foreigner walking toward me, and his clothes had "Foreigner coming" written on them. After brushing past him, I thought he was so amusing, so I turned back to look, only to see the back of his shirt boldly saying, "Foreigner gone."
8. An old gentleman, retired and bored, looked for fun and taught his parrot to talk every day, making it say, "Good morning!" every morning. He continued this for three months, but the parrot never said a single word. The old man decided to give up. That morning, he no longer taught the parrot to speak. At that moment, the parrot shouted at him, "Old man! You're really something today! You don't even ask me how I'm doing?!"
9. In New York, protective fences were set up everywhere. A police officer stopped a child and said, "Kid, the president is coming here soon. You can't park your bike here." "It's okay, officer. I've locked it!"
10. Today I called my wife: "Baby, the TV remote swallowed the batteries! What should I do?" She screamed, "Call 999 immediately!!" So I did, and when connected, the person on the other side said, "Hello, emergency hotline... which type of service do you need?" "Uh... I'm not quite sure... anyway, my TV is stuck on one channel now."
11. Today was really lucky. I went to see a fortune teller. The fortune teller told me to stay vigilant because someone was about to scam me. Such an important message, of course, I wouldn't forget, so I happily paid and left.
12. For a student, the farthest distance in the world is not life and death, but the exam is coming soon, others are reviewing, and you are still previewing!!
13. During the summer vacation, Xiao Qian's cousin came to Beijing and wanted to visit Tsinghua University. Xiao Qian volunteered to be the guide, saying he often goes there. They toured the campus all morning. When it was time to eat, Xiao Qian suggested going to Tsinghua's cafeteria for ten thousand people. However, after looking for ten minutes, they still couldn't find it. His cousin suggested asking a passerby for directions, but Xiao Qian said, "No need, I go to the cafeteria often. Tsinghua is big!" After another ten minutes, they still couldn't find it and reluctantly asked someone for directions. A helpful student pointed the way: "Go straight here, turn left, after five intersections turn right, and then... you'll reach Tsinghua's cafeteria for ten thousand people.""My cousin exclaimed, 'Tsinghua is really big, even going to a cafeteria is so far!' The classmate giving directions said, 'The cafeterias at Tsinghua are indeed far. You might as well just eat at our Peking University cafeteria.'
