Tang Seng's Self-Account

Everyone, I am Tang Sanzang. I have heard that the Jade Emperor is preparing to hold a report meeting about my deeds and a discussion on my mental journey. At Sister Guanyin's invitation, I will briefly say a few words first, and I ask everyone to correct me.

Having experienced hardships and numerous trials, looking back on the long-gone youthful days, I cannot help but feel sorrowful. Past events are vivid in my memory, as if separated by lifetimes, more like a dream, a real and cruel dream. In this dream, I lost everything. Memories are bitter, like wine filled with bile; I hold the cup alone, looking at the still relatively bright crescent moon in the sky, a trace of sadness crossing my heart.

I was born during the prosperous Tang Dynasty but suffered from a poor family background. For a child from a poor family like me, there was no way to make a name for oneself other than studying for official titles. However, comrades, from a humble scholar to a successful candidate, and then to the imperial examination, how many years did it take? A comrade named Fan Jin even ended up in the 'Sui family granary,' serving as a cautionary tale. Fortunately, I found that our emperor at the time was devoted to Buddhism, so I resolutely decided and, with a stomp of my foot, shaved my head and became a monk.

Everyone knows the story of the journey to obtain the scriptures, but Old Man Wu included many inaccuracies in his book, making me look like a melon. Recently, I have filed a lawsuit in court against him for defamation and am claiming 900 million euros (provisional). The case is currently being heard by the intermediate court.

Many people ask me why I didn't simply have Wukong fly me directly to the West. Why bother to walk all those years? Everyone here is honest, so I'll tell the truth. There are three reasons: First, I have acrophobia; I would vomit uncontrollably as soon as I was on a cloud. That monkey is no pushover, and he has a cleanliness obsession; whenever I vomit, he always makes me clean the clouds. Second, it was mainly to move the emperor. A ruse that shows suffering moves people most. The same applies in society today; for example, if a task can only be completed during work hours, you must work after hours and not rest during holidays to impress your leaders. Third, it was for my personal enjoyment, touring the scenic spots of our great country, appreciating the majestic rivers and mountains, and it was all on public expense—how could I not be happy?

During the perilous journey, I discovered that our great motherland is vast and rich in resources. Along the way, we ate watermelons, tasted ginseng fruit, and even washed our feet in the waters of the Daughter River.We met rare animals like the yellow, vulgar yellow-haired lion, the green-hatted turtle, and visited many local entrepreneurs like the Bull Demon King, which greatly broadened our horizons. During the toughest times (there are so many demons and monsters), we were lucky to meet the enchanting little fairy Baijing, adding endless fun to our journey. As for the demons and monsters we encountered along the way, my standard is: anyone without any background is cut down by that monkey; Anyone with a background has never touched a single hair on their feet, so as the saying goes, "I'll take the blame and send the monkey to die" (many gods praise me for handling things). I once thought that the purpose of going to the West was simply to help the Buddha find the pets, mounts, and attendants who had escaped. Moreover, to realize my ideals, I never relaxed my professional studies. Besides diligently studying the classics myself, I often taught my disciples and never relaxed my moral education. Of course, Bajie often tempted me with some pornographic books and magazines, and I would occasionally glance at them. Personally, I think Playboy is quite distinctive, because...... Huh?! Not at all, oh, this will be a bit of a mess! By the way, ever since I returned to China successfully, paparazzi have always asked if I have affairs with Sister Guanyin and Sister Chang'e. They often follow and secretly film me, seriously interfering with my private life! Here, I want to make it clear that my relationship with them is absolutely innocent! Guanyin and I share a pure sibling bond, and as for Chang'e, I only fantasize about her. If I were to say the woman I love most, it would definitely be the Queen of the Women's Kingdom. In my mind, her image is impossible to shake...... Actually, I am also a person, with emotions and desires, but the biggest difference between me and ordinary people is that ordinary people cannot resist these preferences; they always hope to fall into a state of drunkenness and unrestrained fantasies related to happiness, while I can relieve it through various unknown methods. Comrades, as a model set by the Buddha, I have always suppressed my physical desires. Is it easy for me?! Many people are hoping I will make a mistake, but I just won't give them a chance to watch the spectacle! From a poor child to now surrounded by a halo, all my dedication and effort must never be wasted!I want to become an eternal famous monk and sage. Although the road ahead is still very winding, I often ask myself, when will the suffering in this life come to an end, how far is forever, after all. But I believe in a distant place, so I keep moving forward. I think I will be very cool in the future...