N Ways to Eat Feces

One morning, a student, due to constipation, hurried urgently to the restroom and, after a while, became extremely angry and rushed to the toilet... Consequently, gold pieces quietly slid down, mouth-watering. Someone nearby suddenly asked: 'How many years would it take for you to eat the amount of shit you've produced so far?' I calculated and said: 'Eat shit and poop, shit can be eaten again, eat and poop again, poop and eat again, endlessly.' That night in bed, I thought all night, sigh... In modern society, when energy is scarce, having shit as a resource that can be eaten and pooped, endless and inexhaustible, is precious! I have always been a young man with broad mind and lofty aspirations, who 'does not rejoice in material things, does not grieve over self, worries before others worry, and rejoices after others rejoice,' so how could I miss the opportunity to discover this resource? Thus, I write this piece, to inspire all beings, truly admirable!

Method One: Stir-Frying.
Generally, shit can be divided into soft and hard types. As long as you master the principles of high heat, hot oil, and fast movements, you can stir-fry it deliciously. To make it more golden, add salt to the pan before adding oil; the color will look better.
Of course, shit should be fresh, smooth on the surface without wrinkles, and elastic. The type of shit is also important: long and thin is often old and hard to cook well; short and fat is dense and softer.
Heat the oil in the pan, not too much flame but enough oil, as too little oil will make it less tasty, while too much heat will destroy nutrients. When the oil is 60–70% hot, add toilet paper and stir-fry for 2–3 minutes, then add the shit and stir-fry for about a minute, pour in half a bowl of cold water, cover and simmer for 1–2 minutes. When you smell a sour aroma, add salt and serve. If you like sweet taste, you can also add some sugar, even better.

Method Two: Simmering.
This method is suitable for all shapes, colors, and consistencies of shit; how to simmer depends on personal preference. First, heat vegetable oil, then add a small spoon of sugar (for coloring). Reduce the heat slightly until the sugar melts and turns soy sauce color, then add the shit to start changing color.
Add enough hot water to cover the shit slightly, making sure it doesn't spill. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat. Cover and simmer for about one hour.
Wait quietly for 5 minutes before opening the lid, this is the critical moment. Attention!Don't eat it yet. After the pot is opened, stir thoroughly with a wooden stick. When the black of the soy sauce and the yellow of the feces are fully and evenly blended together, it can be served. If you like, you can also sprinkle some chopped green onions. At this point, a plate of fragrant mixed-smell feces is ready, and it is recommended to eat it with bread for a better taste.

Method Three: Pancake Method
Ingredients: 500g dry feces, 100g sesame oil.
Mix fresh feces with 250g boiled water and knead thoroughly, then spread out to cool. After that, roll it into a long strip, flatten it, and roll it into a thin rectangular sheet. Spread some sesame oil on the sheet, roll it up, cut into small pieces, then flatten the small pieces and roll into round cakes for later use. On a flat pan over heat, brush oil on the feces cakes, place in the pan, and cook over low heat until both sides turn golden yellow.

Attention!: Wash your hands before making it, otherwise it is unhygienic. Remember this.

Method Four: Frying Method
Do you still remember the fried bananas you usually eat?

There are many other ways to eat feces, which will not be listed here. You can go home and experiment slowly.