Essence 2012-12-6 Note
Catching a cold today, I have no interest in doing anything, let alone browsing the forum. Right now, I'm playing 'Stone Age 3'. I originally wanted to post a resources thread, but after thinking about the outcome, I decided against it. I have always disliked hidden posts; if not hidden, there are too many freeloaders and the reply rate is very low; if hidden, it feels embarrassing, since a resources post is meant for sharing, and hiding it would take away some of its meaning. Skip. I initially returned to the forum with the attitude of facing it afresh and staying for a long time, but what am I actually facing?... I can't really explain, my mind is chaotic, and my thoughts can't proceed in an orderly way. Things have changed, people have changed, and I miss the old forum. I still remember in the past, after school every day, I would browse the forum, read every single post, and every single reply. I gained a lot—not just friendship and fun, but also a dependence on the 7723 forum. I realized I couldn't live without 'her'; 'her' importance in my heart gradually grew, surpassing even my studies... Later... I have also forgotten when it was, I began to feel a bit tired, a bit weary—why? I don't know. Gradually, close friends visited the forum less often, and I began lurking. Every time I logged on, I would scroll through the online members from start to finish, see who was online, and who was lurking. I still remember Wang Quan used to be very active; after I joined the forum, I could see traces of him almost every day. At that time, I had a very good impression of him—or more accurately, he was a flawless friend without any flaws. However, he replied to so many threads so earnestly, but when he posted a resources or chat thread, how many members replied? Watching that made me feel for him. He was lonely, and I don't know how many people in the forum today understand his history of existence. Now, I probably won't see Wang Quan anymore. I haven't seen him in the past month. Perhaps I haven't noticed him while lurking, or perhaps Wang Quan, like me, feels a kind of powerless persistence. How many old-timers are still active on the forum now? To be accurate, probably none. 'Active' should mean being able to post at least one post every day, chat with everyone, or share some resources.There was a time when my dependence on the forum reached an unprecedented peak. I used to lose sleep over the forum's updates, and I would express my innermost feelings because of the forum—true emotions like joy, worry, anger, and so on. But now? I admit that I can't do it anymore, I no longer have the ability to do it, and I certainly don't want to. I had so many hopes for the forum, imagining it to be so wonderful each time, yet the outcome always caused me subtle wounds. Over and over, these tiny hurts accumulated, and in the end, I just couldn't bear them. Tonight, I had planned to write the first chapter of 'The Assassination of the Empire Alliance,' with characters all drawn from friends on the forum—the former royal authority members, the 'Seven Heroes of the Forum' like Huangfu, and friends who are still active. But after careful consideration… I gave up. I just can't find the interest anymore. Phew, after rambling on, I finally feel a little better. I thought about it for a long time and decided to post this, intending to leave something for friends on the forum who may have seen or heard it: Cherish everything you have now, don't wait until it's gone to understand its value…
Replies (28)
Although it was lost in the past, even if it was precious, what does it matter? After all, you are still fine, understand? This is called 'keeping optimism, not fearing a bad mood.' I hope your sadness will no longer affect your mindset. Shallowly speaking: quickly make yourself cheerful and happy. As long as your mindset changes, your body and spirit will follow. That way, you will gain a strong mentality like mine! (A bit of self-love) A power that always rises; this power will make you healthy and full of vitality! (Just bragging a bit) Then, after being full of energy, if you have time, you should treat me, a good person, to a bun or a cup of tea. If nothing else, take good care of me, this person of good character!
I am optimistic every day, but there are always certain things and matters that bring constraints to my mood. When it happens frequently, optimism becomes pale and powerless.
Burying my head in deep thought, I can't form words, and even a huge wave of consciousness is hard to condense into something tangible. Perhaps it's because I have become accustomed to inexplicable sadness, the sadness gradually seeping out from under a false peace. Behind hope hides an equivalent despair; if one day there is no longer any expectation, perhaps only pain will remain. I don't know when I became an indifferent spectator; I suppose it's because I have become numb, despairing, utterly despairing of everything. I'm lying to you. It's just that nothing can be done, a chill rising from the depths of the heart. I should cling to hope even more; the lingering pain will only become more painful.
After reading what the original poster said, I decisively changed my name. How can I let more people have the same feeling? Even if I'm the only one replying, it at least proves that I'm still supporting the original poster. How can someone say one thing and then just lurk quietly? If they really find me annoying, then let's have a one-on-one. I want to continue being active on the forum.
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