Let's go watch Old Wet together

I once naively thought that if you gave me a pornographic film, I could move the world; if you gave me a girl, I could create a nation. After being influenced by countless porn films, after many pitch-dark nights studying the pedagogical films of Cang Lao Shi by candlelight; countless times sneaking into dim alleys late at night, spending fifty yuan on playing a give-and-take blockbuster with lost girls, I deeply realized how foolish my youthful ignorance was. So I restarted my miserable life of doing nothing during the day and doing nothing at night, switching from left to right hand. Early in the morning, after finishing a heated discussion on the origin of humanity with my uncle's girlfriend's mother's sister's daughter, my day of debauchery officially began. I casually changed into a red small pair of underwear printed with Cang Lao Shi's comic images and a bit of lace. After a bit of tidying up, I stood in front of the bathroom mirror. A man as handsome, elegant, and charming as me, called the 'little flying dragon with a jade face,' who supposedly could do anything in the world, must always maintain a public image. Looking at my slightly disheveled hairstyle from sleep, I felt a little annoyed. I had spent ten yuan at the barber shop yesterday, specifically asking the boss to use strong-hold styling wax, and yet my hair was messed up. That guy lied, saying it would last for a month. Oh well, it seems pure natural hair gel still works best. I spat a bunch of saliva into my hands, rubbed it, and my sleek and shiny hairstyle came back. Using natural saliva gel is always that simple. After a quick styling check in the mirror, feeling my hairstyle flowing and clothes peculiar, I was very satisfied. Pointing at the mirror, I couldn't help but say to myself: 'Damn, I'm even more handsome now. How can anyone else compete?' and then I turned and walked away. Just as I reached the street, a wave of screams like 'Wow, that's awesome!' and 'So handsome!' reached my ears. I'm already used to such situations. With a slight smile on my lips, I gave the crowd an elegant smile, leaving behind a dashing figure. I always thought that as long as I stayed low-key, no one would see the noble aura inside me beyond my struggling appearance. But I was wrong. A man as striking as me is like the brightest star in the night sky, so dazzling, so outstanding.Especially my pair of melancholic yet deep eyes, my meticulously styled hair, the 4.5-yuan little white sand cigarette in my mouth, and the half-pack of Want Want Snow Cookies peeking out of my pocket—all of these deeply betray my unparalleled noble and elegant temperament. When I arrived at the company office and had just sat down, a girl with a pretty face and a hot body, the kind of girl on the internet billed as a 'rich and beautiful white girl,' couldn't wait to come up to me, fawningly handing me a box of Mengniu yogurt, 'Brother Ye, here's your milk.' I said lightly, 'In the future, please be mindful of your image when interacting with me. I already have a girl who adores me.' The rich-and-beautiful girl, with a look of grievance and misty eyes, grabbed my hand, 'Brother Ye, don't abandon me.' I annoyedly forced her delicate hand away, 'Many girls secretly like me, but not everyone gets a chance.' With that troublesome rich-and-beautiful girl resolved, I opened my computer, navigated to the D drive to a folder titled 'How Steel Is Made,' selected a classic work by Cang Lao Shi that I had painstakingly collected recently, and began my blissful morning entertainment. Just as I was watching Cang Lao Shi perform without blinking, I suddenly felt a hand pat my shoulder. Without turning my head, I pushed away the hand on my shoulder and concentrated fully on enjoying every word and action, every movement and expression of Cang Lao Shi. I hate being disturbed while appreciating Cang Lao Shi's body art; this is a complete desecration of my admiration for Cang Lao Shi. For the enlightenment of millions of male compatriots, Cang Lao Shi dedicated himself to the greatest love of pornography. Using the most primal language, he helps us release the pressures of life. The sacrifices made by the revered Cang Lao Shi, such a virtuous and talented extraordinary person, deserve our respect. As Cang Lao Shi swayed to the rhythm, I was about to finish. However, the hand I had just pushed away suddenly slammed heavily on my head, startling me, and I accidentally clicked the mouse, closing the screen. My revered Cang Lao Shi disappeared, and the steel pole immediately went limp. I was finally furious; I grabbed the ceramic cup on the desk, turned, and smashed it into the face of the one whose hand had interrupted me. Blood immediately spurted from that face, and through the blood, I saw that it belonged to my boss. His body trembled violently from anger, one hand covering his bleeding face, the other pointing at me, 'You... you... bastard!' 'MLGB, I've tolerated you for so long.'Every time I admire Cang Laoshi, you always butt in. Don't you know that's very rude? How many times, just as I was about to join GC with Cang Laoshi, you'd interfere, and I'd immediately go flaccid. Not only do you show no respect for me, but you also disrespect my most beloved Cang Laoshi, such a love V celebrity praised and respected by millions of international fans. Your repeated desecration of her—this time I'll let it slide lightly.” “You… get out.” the boss shouted. “Don't think I don't know. You act like a professor by day and turn into a beast at night. When there's work, you use your secretary; when there's nothing, you still use your secretary.” I slapped him again. “Today, I'm firing you.” Looking around at my colleagues' admiring gazes, I remained calm and composed. To them, this was a heartwarming act of justice; to me, it was such an insignificant little thing. I brushed a messy strand of hair off my forehead, my gaze growing increasingly melancholic. Don't try to fall in love with me, bro. I am the Night Bro. What I write is not words; I write a restless heart.