[Clown] Always destined for shallow connections, yet feelings run deep
Dreams, I have so many dreams. They make my heart ache. I want to do so many things...
I want to walk along a long railway line, preferably on a summer evening.
I want to sit alone on the rooftop looking at the sky, preferably when the sky is a brilliant red.
I want to travel alone to a remote and distant place...
I also want to, on an afternoon filled with the sound of cicadas, sit alone in the corner of a café drinking unsweetened Blue Mountain coffee...
I want to lie in tall grass and watch birds fly by...
I want to go back to my childhood to find my childhood friends.
I also want to live a simple and ordinary life, I have so many things I want to do.
I even want to grow old. Then I could have a cup of fine tea, a beloved book on a rattan chair stretched by the evening sun, with reading glasses on the book...
But now I feel very sad, because I haven't done a single thing I love. I love Xiaosi's writing. But I haven't done it at all.
I also have things I don't like, and sometimes I feel inexplicably lonely about them. It seems I've grown up a little, not because I've become more sensible, but because I've started to feel the slow changes around me.
The night before last I cried, feeling so desolate. So many things I want to do and so many memories flooded my heart.
Friendship, do we stop valuing it once we mature? My friends, I truly care about you from my heart. We have changed, haven't we? The feelings aren't the same as before, not that familiar sense of kinship. Thinking about it makes my heart ache; now I'd rather walk alone. I haven't learned sadness, so I have to learn to enjoy solitude.
As for love, I am not worthy to talk about it.
Family, I am full of apologies to you, I really am very immature.
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I want to say, Qian would encourage and comfort his little sister when An An first got flamed for posting on 7723. He would support his sister when she couldn't avoid difficulties on her own. He would advise and correct her when she made wrong decisions, and wouldn't leave like a younger brother abandoning his older sister. However, in the end, he can't let go of his own sister, and would come back—and feel regretful. Most of the conflicts between Carl and An An are misunderstandings; Qian wouldn't blindly defend his sister, letting her handle things herself. But if Carl goes too far, Qian would step in to protect her. If you don't like Qian as the older brother, then you don't have to acknowledge it.
If you want to have a younger brother like me, it's okay, then I might as well completely disappear...
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