I'm leaving tomorrow, so I'll post a joke

Funny and embarrassing things that make people sweat

1. Money has been tight recently, and after begging my wife many times to no avail, one day, while my wife was in the bathroom, I quietly took out two hundred-dollar bills from my wife's wallet and put them into my pocket.
Not long after, my wife suddenly shouted: "Husband, there are two hundred yuan missing from my wallet. Did you take it?"
I answered loudly: "No."
While my wife went to pour water, I quietly took out the money from my pocket and put it back into my wife's wallet. When I saw my wife coming in with a tea cup, I said with an attentive look on my face: "Count again to see if you made a mistake."
My wife took the wallet and shouted in surprise while counting: "It's strange, why is there an extra hundred yuan this time!"
Oh my God! I made a mistake while I was busy and actually put an extra hundred dollar bill back.
2. Go to an Internet cafe to surf the Internet and sit at the end of a row of machines. Soon the entire row of machines was out of power.
Players are making all sorts of noises, throwing mouses and keyboards.
The network administrator came over to check and it turned out that I kicked the socket open. He didn't say anything after plugging in.
After a while, I kicked it away again, and the network administrator came over and said, "Go away quickly! If those gamers find out, we can't guarantee your safety!"
3. In the restaurant, a customer asked the waiter to pack the bag. The waiter looked at the guest in shock, because there was nothing on the table except bones. The guest quickly said: "Pack it, and give the bones to the dog."
The waiter said oh, and then shouted, "Bag the dog."
4. Male: "I have carefully planned your birthday party to ensure a complete success."
Female: "Oh? Tell me."
Male: "First there is dancing and dining. Then there is the lottery, cutting of the birthday cake, and then the climax of the finale!"
Female: "What is it? What is it?"
Male: "Announce your true age."

Inadvertently made a joke

1. After the child was born, everyone in the ward gathered around the child and liked it more and more.
This child has big ears and is chubby. He is born with blessings. An old woman happily said: This child will definitely be blessed in the future, so let's call it “Fu”!
The child's father quickly shook his head and disagreed. He said: My surname is Mei.
2. Go for a haircut with your best friend and talk with the barber about which hairstyle is suitable for which face shape.
So I said: What hairstyle is suitable for a person with a sesame seed face like me (a wide face)
The barber said: Girl, stop joking, you don't have a sesame seed face like that, who makes sesame seed cakes so big!
Nima, do you still want to let me deal with it?
3. My sister came home in the middle of the night and planned to take a taxi. After the driver parked the car, my sister opened the back door and thought it was better to write down the license plate, so she closed the door and walked around to the parking space to take a look, but the driver drove away.
My sister thought to herself that the driver had a guilty conscience. Fortunately, he didn't take this car.
So I continued to wait for the rental.
Ten minutes later, the black car came back and parked next to my sister, rolled down the window and said, "Why didn't you come up? I heard the car door closing and thought you were coming up, and I asked where you were going. When I turned around, there was no one. It scared me to death in the middle of the night...
4. Called my best friend at night: "Hey, why is your mother forcing you to do it?"
There was a fucking voice on the phone: "I'm forcing him to do his homework."