1. In a life drawing class, the female model strikes a pose.
A male student raises his hand and says: 'Teacher, it wasn't this pose yesterday.'
The teacher asks: 'Then how should it be adjusted?'
The male student swallows hard and says loudly: 'The left leg should go further left, the right leg should go further right!'
2. A young lady sees the ultrasound examination order from the doctor but doesn't know where to get it done.
Lady: 'Doctor, where is this 13 ultrasound?'
Doctor: 'It's not a 13 ultrasound, it's a B ultrasound!'
Lady: 'Your B is divided too much!' (loudly)
3. Xiao Ming: 'What is the happiest thing?'
Ah Dai: 'Having sex!'
Xiao Ming: 'And what's even happier than that?'
Ah Dai: 'Doing it again!'
4. A young teacher stutters.
One day while leading students to read the text.
Teacher: 'Ri… ri… Japanese devils entered the village.'
Students follow: 'Ri… ri… Japanese devils entered the village.'
A teacher nearby listening laughs.
The young teacher panics and says to the students: 'No matter how many times I "ri", you are only allowed to "ri" once.'
5. Ah Dai: 'Why hasn't the ramen I ordered arrived yet? I've been waiting for so long!'
Waiter: 'Don't worry, don't worry, the chef is preparing it!'
Just then, the master chef brings the hot noodles and enthusiastically says: 'These are the noodles I just pulled! Still steaming! Please enjoy!'
6. A salesman is busy with work and not at home five days a week, naturally feeling guilty toward his wife, wanting to make up for it the whole weekend.
One Saturday, while they are being affectionate on that squeaky bed… suddenly!!
The old lady next door bangs hard on the wall and shouts: 'Are you done yet? There are seven days in a week! Can't you rest even one day?'
7. The president inspects a pig farm with his wife.
President: 'Excuse me, that strong boar mates with sows how many times a day?'
Farm owner: 'On average, about ten times a day!'
President's wife: 'Look at them! Now look at yourself!'
President: 'Does that boar mate with the same sow every day?'
Farm owner: 'No, it mates with different sows.'
The president says to his wife: 'Look at them! Now look at yourself!'8. It was Mr. Lin's wife's birthday, and she asked Mr. Lin to take her to a strip club to broaden her horizons. Lin was trapped and had no choice but to comply. When they reached the entrance of the strip club, the usher politely said, "Mr. Lin, welcome." Mr. Lin nervously stopped him, but Mrs. Lin glared with anger. Upon entering, the manager said, "Welcome, Mr. Lin. Would you like your usual seat?" Mrs. Lin was so furious that her face started turning pale. The performance began, and the stripper swayed her hips to the rhythm of the music, taking off her clothes piece by piece. She coquettishly called out, "Who is this outfit for?" "Of course for Mr. Lin!" the entire audience shouted in unison. At this moment, Mrs. Lin fainted from anger. Mr. Lin hurriedly picked her up and got into a taxi. Mrs. Lin suddenly regained consciousness and furiously cursed, "You lying bastard! You beast!" The taxi driver said, "Mr. Lin, the girl you found tonight is quite fiery!"
9. A couple was affectionately intimate.
W: What are you thinking now?
M: The same as you.
The woman immediately slapped the man and yelled, "You scoundrel!"
10. A strict proctor caught a student cheating and angrily pointed at the student, shouting, "You...you...you...you...you dare cheat! Stand up!" After finishing his words, five students stood up!
11. A mentally ill patient shouted, "I am the president, and you all must obey me!" The attending doctor asked him, "Who said that?" The patient replied, "God said so." Upon hearing this, another patient suddenly jumped up and said, "I never said that!"
12. Dad and Mom took Ah Dai to the beaches in California for vacation. The foreigners on the beach were going skinny dipping.
Ah Dai: Dad, why isn't your pee-pee as big as those uncles'?
Dad: ...Because... those uncles have more money than Dad.
After a while, Ah Dai wanted a Coke, so Dad went to the store alone to buy it. Ah Dai stayed with Mom on the beach, but when Dad returned, he found Mom was gone.
Dad: Where is your mom?
Ah Dai: Dad, just after you left, a very rich man came over. He looked at my mom, and the money kept increasing and increasing, and then my mom went with him.
14. A car accident occurred between a Xinjiang person and a Henan person.The Xinjiang man got down to take a look, thought the car was fine, and said forget it. The Henan man smiled and said it was fine, then casually took a bottle of wine out of the car.
Henan man: Bro, the car is fine, have some drink to calm your nerves!
The Xinjiang man took the wine and took a big gulp, handing it to the Henan man.
Xinjiang person: Bro, you should have some too.
Henan person: I'm not in a hurry, I'll drink after the police come and check first.
\15. A woman got lost in the forest, was caught by a monkey group, and then violated by the monkey king.
A few months after returning home, it was time to give birth. The husband anxiously waited outside the delivery room. Finally, the doctor came out. Husband: Are mother and child safe? Doctor: Both are safe. Husband: A boy or a girl? Doctor: I don't know. She ran away before even seeing clearly at birth, and now she's still stuck on the chandelier, refusing to come down.
16. Indian police all have big beards. One day, a restaurant held a police-citizen family event, and the police ate for free. After eating, a female officer walked straight to the door, but the restaurant waiter hurriedly stopped her. Waiter: Police are free, but you can't tell they're cops—you have to pay! Policewoman: I'm a secret cop, the beard is down there!
\17. The husband drives out. The wife is at home listening to the radio and hears a report. She quickly picks up the phone. Wife: Honey, I just heard on the radio that there's a car driving the wrong way on the highway. You must be very careful. Husband: Not just one car, I see hundreds of cars driving the wrong way.
18. After the village chief returned from a foreign inspection. The village chief said to his wife that foreign women moan in bed, it's very seductive.
Sleeping with my wife at night, but my wife closed her eyes in silence.
Village chief: "Why aren't you calling me?"
Wife shouted: "Village chief, you're a damn man!!"
\19. Xiao Xin: Dad, why do I have three 'gold' in my name?
Dad: 'You lack gold, so you name me Xin.' Just like some people are destined for water, so they name themselves Miao, and others lack wood and are called 'Sen.'
Xiao Xin: Dad, what do you think is missing in Guo Jingjing's fate?
20. Xiao Ming loves watching detective dramas. From the very first minute of the show, he's been searching for the culprit, never missing a suspicious word or a hint.
That day, I went to see another play called "The Park Street Murder Case."When the waiter led him to his seat, the curtain had just opened.
Waiter: "Are you satisfied with your seat, sir?"
Xiao Ming: "Of course, thank you."
Waiter: "Shall I take your hat to the cloakroom?"
Xiao Ming: "No, thank you." Xiao Ming thought he should leave, but the waiter did not.
Waiter: "Would you like a program?"
Xiao Ming: "No, thank you."
Waiter: "Then it comes with a set of photos from the play."
Xiao Ming: "Thank you."
Waiter: "Or a pair of binoculars?" Xiao Ming angrily refused.
The waiter then asked if he wanted cookies, or a bottle of champagne, as the plot became tense.
Xiao Ming, both angry and impatient: "No, I don't want anything. Go to hell."
Finally realizing he couldn't earn a tip here, the waiter gave Xiao Ming a terrifying revenge. He pointed at the stage and, in a tone full of hatred, whispered in Xiao Ming's ear: "The murderer is the gardener."
