When meeting a stranger for the first time, how can you get to know them within the first few minutes of the conversation? How do you get closer to them? How do you find topics they enjoy? How do you get them to speak? All of this requires careful and keen observation. Speaking of this, we can't ignore the recently rising star Joe Navarro. He served as an FBI agent for 25 years, was an expert in body language and behavior analysis for the counterintelligence unit, and now retired as a well-known poker coach in the United States. The key to winning a card game is mastering the 70-30 rule, "70% comes from reading people, and only 30% is gambling skills." At the end of last year, he published a new book, Read'Em and Reap, drawing on the observational skills he developed as a lie detector during his time as an agent, teaching players how to see through eye contact and body language to see through others' thoughts and deliver a fatal blow at the table.
Observation skills can be practiced later
The most important thing is to train your powers of observation, one of the most effective methods is the "recall game." You can practice anytime, anywhere. For example, after entering a room, close your eyes and try to recall what you saw before entering—the more detailed, the better. Over time, you can too, like Navarro, walk to your friend's front door and see your surroundings clearly: which brands of cars are parked on the street in front of your door, a man weeding outside the neighboring house, and two newspapers ....... in front of another house. Another way to practice goes a step further: after observing your surroundings, you ask yourself again what these means. For example, the person weeding should live in that house because there are no vehicles from the weeding maintenance company parked on the street in front of the door. Whether the answer is correct or not is not the point; what really matters is that you must train yourself to make reasonable inferences from the clues you observe. And when you actually interact face-to-face with the other side, you must always stay alert and not miss any detail. Every time Navarro sits at the table, the first thing he does is observe his opponents, including their facial expressions, where they place their hands, their sitting posture, attire, and what facial expressions or gestures they make when dealing cards.\More importantly, during the competition, he pays special attention to whether his opponent's behavior shows any abnormalities. For example, if both hands, initially placed on the table, suddenly cross over the chest or rest on the thighs, it might indicate that the situation has become unfavorable for him.\Foot movements are more reliable than facial expressions\Generally, when we observe people, we tend to look at their facial expressions first. However, Navarro does the opposite, first observing his opponent's foot movements, "facial expressions can be faked, but few people know how to fake foot movements."\One clue is the direction the feet are pointing. According to many studies on courtroom behavior, if a judge dislikes a certain witness, they often point their feet toward the door they entered the courtroom from.\Similarly, when you are talking to someone, if their feet are pointing in a certain direction rather than directly at you, it indicates that they want to end the conversation.\If the person suddenly crosses their feet (at the ankles), it indicates they are somewhat nervous or feel threatened.\If the person leans back and crosses one leg over the other while sitting, this shows confidence and indicates that the situation is very favorable for them.\Observing unusual movements\Of course, observation is not limited to the first few minutes of meeting someone; the later stages allow you to see their real behavioral reactions. Unless professionally trained, people tend to reveal clues subconsciously after a period of time.\Therefore, during the process, you must pay special attention to sudden abnormal behaviors. For example, when people are nervous or under stress, they often unconsciously perform certain actions:\1. Touching or massaging the neck: Our necks have many nerve endings, and even a slight massage can effectively lower blood pressure and heart rate, relieving tension. Additionally, massaging the forehead or touching the earlobes are actions that generally occur when people are nervous. If a man fiddles with his tie or a woman plays with a necklace around her neck, it signifies the same thing.\2. Deep breathing or talking more: Deep breathing is the simplest way to immediately calm emotions. Therefore, when you see someone deep breathing, it indicates they might be suppressing their emotions. Similarly, if a person who normally doesn't talk much suddenly starts talking a lot, it also indicates that their emotions are becoming unstable.3. Placing hands on the thighs: When nervous, we also unconsciously place our hands on our thighs and rub them back and forth, trying to calm our emotions. Therefore, this action is another important clue. Additionally, sometimes when you notice the other person's actions are quick and their decisions resolute, they are usually doing this to hide their lack of confidence. Truly confident people will think things through carefully rather than make impulsive decisions just to show their confidence. When you observe the behaviors above, you can decide based on the situation whether to press the advantage and force the other person to agree to your request, or to say something to help them relax, facilitating the upcoming discussion.
Understanding Personality Through Body Language
However, body movements not only show the person's current state, but often also reflect personality. Japanese management consultant Takeda Tetsuo has summarized several common habitual movements that reflect specific personalities and behavior patterns:
1. Likes to blink frequently: Such people are narrow-minded and not very trustworthy. When negotiating or asking them for favors, it's best to be straightforward.
2. Habitually stares at others: Indicates a strong sense of caution, making it hard for them to show their inner emotions. So when facing them, avoid overly enthusiastic or joking remarks.
3. Likes to speak loudly: Mostly self-centered and confident. If you feel that flattering others is not suitable, it is best to set boundaries with such people.
4. Casual in dress: Reflects a relaxed personality and tends to yield under social pressure. When seeking their advice, leveraging personal rapport is more effective than relying on official relationships.
5. Crossing legs as soon as they sit: Such people are ambitious and confident, with strong initiative; once they make a decision, they act immediately.
6. Touching their chin while talking: Usually indicates a cautious personality with a high sense of vigilance.
7. Crossing arms over the chest: Also very cautious, with strong initiative and persistence in their opinions.
Search for Other Surrounding Clues
However, appearance is only one clue; you can also gather important information about the other person from various other sources. Hiroyuki Ishii, author of *Cold Reading Techniques*, provides some interesting tips to help discern a person's personality. First, you can start with their handwriting: at an appropriate opportunity, ask them to write down the information you need on a blank sheet of paper, such as their contact details.If a person's handwriting is messy and they write very quickly, they also work quickly, but are usually careless and rough, because they believe 'it's fine to roughly finish first and then adjust the details.' A person who writes carefully and slowly will work step by step, confirming as they go, being very meticulous, but if urged to speed up, they cannot perform at their best. In addition, phone charms are also a good clue. People with complex charms usually have many friends; they tend to fear loneliness and enjoy lively environments. Those who do not use phone charms, or only use simple ones, generally do not enjoy being in a noisy group and do not place much importance on superficial friendships, maintaining long-term relationships only with a few genuine friends. The above is just a brief explanation of several important observation methods. The key is to rely on accumulated experience. As long as you interact with people frequently and observe more, you can also develop remarkable people-reading skills. (Don't tell me you don't know the FBI)
