This is my dream of happiness

There are no two people in the world who are exactly alike. Everyone has their own temperament, every family has its own story, and every child is like fireworks of different colors.
When I was eleven or twelve, I envied my younger cousin a lot. My uncle's family were all people with ideas and practical wisdom, and growing up in such an environment, my cousin was proud like a little prince.
Later, I grew up, time passed quickly, and I was always accompanied by anxiety and restlessness. The inner unrest even made me feel that no matter where I went, it was like being in a sea of fire.
The pitiful thing is that I had become used to holding these dark emotions inside.
Lonely people are shameful.
The older I get, the more I want to find a girlfriend. To be frank, it's envy of others. But occasionally I think, am I really ready?
Yet I still can't convince myself.
I have to put away the playful smiles, the frivolous words, the sense of fun, and at the same time make the girl feel that I am mature, steady, and capable…
But after all, I am a person who loves words.
Having lacked so much happiness in my childhood, the serious and repressive family life made me a deeply serious person for a long time, like my heart was locked in a cage, lonely and dull, inferior and hopeless.
During desperate times, words were the only remedy that could settle me and let me still have something to look forward to.
Later, a girl told me after reading lots of my writings: 'You are really an innocent good kid.'
Many people might say that, but the difference was, I accidentally stumbled into her life circle, and after going through a lot of ridiculous things, it was as if I got a key, and the door to my heart gradually opened.
Gradually, people began to say I am a sunny and humorous young man, and more and more people wanted to hang out with me.
I don't want to easily lose this sudden happiness. If having a girlfriend meant giving up much of the happiness that I worked so hard to find, I would absolutely not want that.
Is there such a thing as pure friendship between men and women?
If possible, I hope this is a multiple-choice question rather than a true-or-false one.
The girl who influenced me the most was willing to call me 'younger brother,' and I called her 'senior sister.' Time accompanies experience, and experience makes people understand many things.
Love seems to be the most beautiful lie in life, a beautiful bubble that is easily broken. Inexperienced as I was, speaking of love was like a blind person touching an elephant. Having heard so much about others' love—those scars, those irritations and misunderstandings, those suspicions—I wonder if I could really bear it myself.
If I had normal childhood experiences, of course I could be fearless.My tear glands are developed, and I am afraid of loneliness, yet I simply cannot do it. One has to go through many storms alone; only by tempering oneself in the storm can one claim to have inner strength, unafraid of being hurt, daring to love and hate. But my experiences are more like a blank sheet of paper. As for me, honestly, I dare not love nor hate. As for me, honestly, I am not worthy of having love. The time spent walking alongside my senior is a time of slow growth; after being lost, I realized that the most appropriate position is quietly staying by her side, not talking about love, one dream, one person, one century. This can also be considered a small dream about happiness.