Classic Short Jokes - The Clever Chief\A certain chief had a habit of enjoying stories. One day, he held a grand banquet for his guests. At his repeated requests, a guest from another place told a very interesting story:\This guest once met a person in the city who was very full of himself. The guest said to him, “Try to guess what I have in my pocket. If you guess correctly, I'll give you half of these eggs; if you can guess the number of eggs, I'll give you all ten eggs.”\The man thought for a long time and said, “Friend, I may not be stupid, but I can't know everything. I can't guess.”\The guest said, “Try again. This thing is white on the outside and yellow on the inside.”\“Got it!” the man shouted, “It must be a bunch of white radishes with a potato hidden inside.”\Hearing this, the guests all laughed, and the chief laughed even harder. Finally, he asked, “What a fool. But dear friend, now please tell us, what exactly was in your pocket?”\Classic Short Jokes - The Clever Daughter\Daughter: “Mom, do you like eating apples?”\Mom: “Yes, I like them.”\Daughter: “Do you like them a lot?”\Mom: “I like them a lot.”\Daughter: “Then don't buy apples for me.”\Mom: “Why?”\Daughter: “You'll eat them all on the way home.”\Classic Short Jokes - The Forgetful Professor\Professor Fielding had always been forgetful. His wife asked him to throw a bag of trash into the building's dumpster on the way, but he absent-mindedly took it onto the subway, then to the lab, and finally brought it back home.\His wife was shocked: “What are you carrying?” Fielding said, “Ah, I forgot to throw away the trash.”\When his wife took a look, she was even more surprised: “Where did you get a bag of ham from?”\Classic Short Jokes - The Careless Professor\A certain professor was always forgetful, either losing his glasses case or his cane. Especially with umbrellas, nearly every month his wife had to buy him a new one. The professor secretly resolved to be more careful in the future. One day, the professor went out in the morning and came back in the afternoon, proudly telling his wife, “Look, Talese, today I didn't lose anything; I brought the umbrella back!” Saying so, he showed an umbrella.\“Oh dear, you careless person, you didn't even take an umbrella with you today!”"Classic Short Jokes - Different Wording\A cardinal was speeding in his car when a policeman on a motorcycle caught up with him and stopped him. The cardinal asked, 'Was I driving too fast?' The policeman replied, 'No, Your Eminence. Your car isn't going too fast, it's flying too slowly.'\Classic Short Jokes - Hitching a Ride\A navy officer stood on a bus next to the driver, not sitting down to avoid wrinkling his perfectly pressed uniform. A drunk man got on the bus, walked over to the officer, and tugged on his sleeve, asking to buy a ticket. The officer ignored him. But the drunk man persisted, so the officer turned and said, 'Friend, I am not the ticket seller, I am a navy officer.' 'Well then,' the drunk man replied, 'stop the ship, I want to take the bus.'\Classic Short Jokes - The Answer\Customer: 'Waiter, can you explain why there's a fly in my soup?' The waiter leaned over, looked carefully, and replied: 'It's swimming, sir, it's swimming.'\Classic Short Jokes - Wrongly Hit\As the lights in the cinema went out, a thief reached into Rega's coat pocket, and was immediately caught. The thief said, 'I meant to take a handkerchief, wrong pocket, please forgive me!' 'It's okay,' Rega replied calmly. After a while, 'smack!' A hard slap landed on the thief's face. 'Sorry, wrong hit, a mosquito landed on my face,' said Rega. (This cracked me up)\Classic Short Jokes - Mosquito with a Lantern\Two Scottish immigrants who had just arrived in New York stayed overnight in a hotel, being annoyed all night by mosquitoes. Finally, one said, 'Sandy, cover your head with the blanket, the mosquitoes won't bite us.' After a while, Sandy poked her head out to breathe fresh air, and saw fireflies she had never seen before. She exclaimed, 'Oh God, covering our heads won't help, the mosquitoes are using lanterns to find us.'\Classic Short Jokes - Betting\John and Mike bet $2,000 that he could dance a song with Madonna, and he did win. Then he bet he could have dinner with Clinton, and Mike lost again. Finally, John bet he could attend a major religious ceremony with the Pope. At the ceremony, John stood next to the Pope. From afar, he saw someone whisper in Mike's ear, and Mike fainted on the spot."Afterward, Mike explained that he wasn't surprised you were with Madonna, nor having dinner with Clinton wasn't a big deal, but when you appeared with the Pope, I fainted when the person next to me asked me a question. He asked, 'Who is the person next to John?'
Classic Short Joke – Hiccup
A patrolling police officer noticed a car bouncing up and down every 10 meters. So he started his motorcycle, caught up, and stopped the car: 'What's wrong with your car?' The driver, looking terrified, said, 'N-n-nothing, Officer, I, I keep hiccuping.'
Classic Short Joke – Snoring
As soon as it got dark, little John's father went to bed, and his loud, annoying snoring made it impossible for little John to concentrate on his homework. 'Hey! Wake up! Wake up!' Little John shook his father hard. 'Ugh, I just lay down, why are you yelling?!' Old John got angry. 'I've listened to you snore for two hours; I'm exhausted. I woke you up so you could sit up and have a proper rest.'
Classic Short Joke – Water Polo
An athlete went to eat and saw a big plate of soup on the table, with only one green bean and nothing else inside. He immediately stood up and started undressing. His companion asked him what was going on, and he replied, 'I'm getting undressed to jump into the plate and play water polo with that green bean.'
Classic Short Joke – Big Embarrassment
A British young man invited his girlfriend to a French restaurant, but he didn't understand French and didn't know what was on the menu. Not wanting to appear ignorant in front of his girlfriend, he pointed to a few lines on the menu and said to the waiter: 'We'll have these dishes!' The waiter looked at the menu and said, 'I'm sorry, sir, this is the band's performance list!'
Classic Short Joke – Elephant Sandwich
A customs officer stopped a traveler and asked if he had anything to declare. 'No,' replied the traveler. 'Are you sure you have nothing?' 'Of course.' 'Then what about the elephant behind you with bread slices in its ears?'
