Spring dream ah

The girl I had a secret crush on in high school appeared in my dream last night, and I woke up in a terrible mood.\In that period of time, largely constructed with words and imagination, the girl once expressed an idea in a few scattered words: 'You really read too many novels.'\This seemed to be my obstacle: I often get overly sentimental in a way that's off, unable to control myself, and whenever I become a bit aware, it's always a self-disgusting mockery.\When the girl was fifteen, she sat in front of or behind me; those moments were rare but extremely joyful.\On my birthday that year, the girl reluctantly gave me a message. Why say 'reluctantly'? Because later, thinking back, it was absurdly embarrassing to have, in a melodramatic, almost girlish way, told her about my lonely birthday, hoping for a bit of blessing.\That in itself was ridiculous and shameful.\The girl said, 'Believe in yourself, and the world will believe in you.'\So, in the following two years, this sentence became the phrase I used most often when talking to myself.\Now it's hard to imagine, but back then I really loved to talk to myself; every day was dull, monotonous, even almost moldy, and only when I returned to my imagination did I feel vibrant.\I was afraid to go back to my oppressive, serious home, hated seeing hypocritical teachers, and had no sense of trust in my classmates.\Perhaps I was just a child deliberately making themselves lonely.\But someone once spoke to me at length, saying: 'You really are very smart, so different from the people around you.'\But being smart yet reclusive is itself a pitiful thing.\It's like having no story of your own, yet forcing yourself to moan as if you had endless suffering.\And in those imagined sufferings, the girl's presence was the source of all my passion.\Looking back now, it's ridiculously laughable.\At the end of the dream, the girl, a friend, and I were sitting in a restaurant waiting to pay the bill as Eason Chan's 'Steady Happiness' played on the TV. Unexpectedly, everyone in the restaurant began to sing along; the melody in the dream squeezed my tear glands, and the image of my senior flashed in my mind, as if bidding farewell to yesterday but unable to see the future.\The person in the dream had tears shining in their eyes, but quickly woke up in reality, unable to calm down for a long time.