1. A father tells his son a story: Once upon a time, there was a frog...
Son: Is there a science fiction story?
Father: Once upon a time in space, there was a frog...
Son: Is there a rated one restricted?
Father: Shh~ Keep your voice down, don't let your mom hear. Once upon a time, there was a frog without clothes...
2. Woman: "Why do you always chew candy when talking to me?" "Man:" If you don't chew candy, how would you get so many sweet words?"
3. One day, Socrates asked his student Plato, "What is eternal and unchanging?" "
Plato pointed to the sun in the sky and said, "The ancients and we all saw the same sun." "
Socrates shook his head and said, "The sun also has its sunset." "
Socrates then asked the young god Lis, "What do you think?" "
The young god Liss smiled faintly and replied, "There is no eternal existence, only eternal meaning." Although the sun can disappear, people's pursuit of light will never change. "
4. At a wedding, the bride farts, making the scene awkward. One person says, "If the bride farts, it brings great luck and prosperity." Soon, she let out two more farts, making the situation awkward. The person said, "Bride, let out two, one is worth two." Soon after, she let out three farts, and the atmosphere became awkward. Then the person said, "Run, the bride is going to defech!" 5. My colleague's younger sister, Xiao Wang, had just learned to use the internet and was very willing to chat. One day, as she entered a chatroom, a netizen asked, "Are you male or female?" Xiao Wang still couldn't type "female." So she thought for a moment and replied, "I'm a hostess." The netizen typed: "Thank you for being so honest." "
6. Only now do I realize that back then, the mortgage slave Li Bai bought an unfinished building, with poetry as proof: The bright moonlight before the bed—no windows; Suspected to be frost on the ground—the door uninstalled; Looking up at the bright moon—the roof is open; Looking down, thinking of home—very hurtful.
7. Mom: We've been married for three years. What do you think of her?
Son: First year: I said, she listened. Second year: She said, I listened. Third year: We talked, and the neighbors listened.
8. I'm a chubby guy. My girlfriend and I have different personalities, but she only had one reason for breaking up with me. Today she said, 'I've been watching you for so long, I'm getting tired of you!'9. That morning on the company shuttle, a beautiful female colleague sitting next to me fell asleep and actually started snoring, which drew everyone's attention on the bus. I felt it was so embarrassing, so I gently nudged her. She mumbled: 'No, honey, maybe tomorrow…'
10. A man and a woman were having dinner.
The woman kept asking the man: 'Do you love me or not?'
The man glanced at her and continued eating his dinner.
The woman got very angry and asked again: 'Do you love me or not?'
The man finally said: 'I do.'
The woman asked again: 'Then how are you going to prove it?'
Suddenly, the man took out thirty yuan from his pocket and asked the woman: 'Do you have ten yuan?'
The woman handed him ten yuan...
The man then placed forty yuan on the table.
After a while...
The woman angrily asked the man: 'Are you going to prove that you love me or not!'
The man said: 'I already proved it!'
11. One day, a hunter went to hunt rabbits carrying his gun, and suddenly a black bear jumped out! The hunter didn't even have time to shoot before being knocked down. Half an hour later, the black bear was still on top of the hunter. The hunter was very puzzled: 'What's going on?!' Suddenly he saw a piece of cloth around the bear's neck with the words: 'Hug Bear'.
12. A dog and a cat were wandering in the desert. They were both very hungry and moving weakly, when they suddenly found a lunch box on the ground. They couldn't wait to open it, and a fairy appeared, saying it could grant each of them one wish. The cat eagerly said, 'I want fish, I want to eat fish...' In an instant, a big, fragrant fish appeared in front of them. The fairy then asked the dog what he wanted. The dog frowned and said, 'I prefer to eat bones, turn the fish into fish bones.' In a blink, the cat stared in disbelief as the dog ate the fish bones…
After walking for a while, they found another lunch box, and inside it was another fairy who could also grant one wish. The cat, remembering the previous situation, let the dog make his wish first. The dog thought for a moment and said, 'I'm full now, I want to exercise, turn into a frisbee, and I'll chase and bite you back.' In a flash, the fairy became a frisbee and flew away. The dog looked at it helplessly and said to the cat, 'It flies too fast… I'm not ready yet...'
13. A doctor said to his daughter: 'I told you that your boyfriend is a good-for-nothing. Did you tell him that?'"I told him, and he wasn't angry at all. He said, 'It's not the first time you've misdiagnosed.'"
14. The child did poorly in school and was scolded harshly by his mother. After being scolded, the son looked at his father with a sorrowful expression and said, 'Why did you marry her?' The father, also with a sorrowful look, replied, 'Isn't it because of you!'
15. A man was about to jump off a building. His wife, who had just rushed back, shouted, 'Dear, don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go!' Upon hearing this, the man jumped down without hesitation. A negotiation expert standing nearby said, 'Madam, you really shouldn't threaten him like that.'
16. I had a dream in the morning where my friends and I were kidnapped. Just as we were considering how to escape, the alarm went off. As I got up to get dressed, I suddenly thought, if I escape, will my remaining friends be killed? Brothers are like limbs; I can't just abandon them. So I lay back down and continued sleeping~
17. This afternoon, the weather was perfect, and I got so lost in reading that I became dazed... At that moment, a patient came in, and in my daze, I saw the diagnosis as 'Mars Bitch'! I immediately felt very strange: what kind of disease is that? Later, after a shiver and a clear-headed look, I realized it actually said 'Mars Splash'! Swooon~~
18. Once, I was waiting for a classmate under the girls' dormitory. Not far away, two boys, one fat and one thin, were also waiting for someone. Suddenly, the thin boy felt water droplets on his face and got startled, thinking someone above had spat, but later it turned out to be rain.
He said, 'You really startled me. I thought someone upstairs had spat!'
His chubby companion asked, 'If a girl really spat, what would you do?'
'That depends on how she looks.'
'What if it's a dinosaur?'
'Then I would rush upstairs and tell the girl, if you have the guts, stand downstairs and spit into the sky.'
22. Our family was sunbathing on the beach. A beautiful young girl walked past, and our 14-year-old son stared at her as she walked away. My wife nudged me with her elbow and whispered, 'Your son has grown up.' A few minutes later, a young woman in a swimsuit walked past us. I couldn't help admiring her good figure. At that moment, my wife nudged me with her elbow again and whispered in reproach, 'Ah, don't be so childish.'23. A 25-year-old beautiful girl marries a 60-year-old old man. On their wedding night, the old man held up three fingers. The girl said, "Wow, are we going to do it three times tonight?" The old man replied, "Which finger do you want?"
24. Two friends meet at a bar. One asks the other: "My wife doesn't understand me. How about your wife?" The other replies: "I don't know, she has never mentioned you."
25. There is a true story that must be told: A female classmate, in urgent need to use the restroom, went to an old building on campus that she was not very familiar with.
She was also a bit nearsighted. She saw a door and went in. Inside, a man was squatting down to pull down his pants. Seeing her enter, he quickly stood up and pulled up his pants. The girl hurriedly apologized and left.
After a few steps, she saw another door and thought, "This must be the women's restroom." When she went in, it turned out to be another door to the same restroom she had just left. The man was squatting down again. Seeing the girl enter, he was shocked, both angry and terrified, and shouted, "Who are you! What are you doing!"
The girl ran all the way back to her dormitory, almost out of breath...
