Application for Party Membership by Comrade Penis
Respected Party Branch,
I, Penis, hereby apply for Party membership for the following reasons:
1. The Party is an avant-garde organization.
2. My work involves heavy physical labor in deep tunnels.
3. Each operation I undertake involves life-threatening risks, leading with my head (as the head is the source of life).
4. I have never had holidays or days off; I may be called to work by my master anytime, anywhere.
5. I have always worked in damp, dark environments without any protective facilities.
6. I often work overtime, and each time I am exhausted with one eye swollen and red, foaming at the mouth, and vomiting uncontrollably, yet I have never received any overtime pay; moreover, due to long-term wear, I have become permanently bald.
7. My work environment is pitch black, with no lighting facilities, nor any ventilation equipment.
8. I work under high temperatures with no cooling facilities; due to long-term fumigation, my original pink color has turned sauce-black, causing many customers to mistakenly believe I am African.
9. I work in highly polluted environments, with constant risk of viral infection, yet there are no protective facilities and I receive no healthcare.
10. Beyond the extreme physical exertion, each operation requires me to provide my own food, ammunition, and additionally output large amounts of crude oil, with no remuneration or replenishment; to date, my stock is nearly depleted.
Should this application be approved? I request the Party Committee's instructions!
Penis
On the first day of the Yi-you year
Reply from the Party Committee ------------
Dear Comrade Penis,
After the Party Committee's consideration, your request is rejected for the following reasons:
1. You have never worked continuously for eight hours and therefore lack the excellent qualities of a socialist worker and the noble dedication and professional spirit of the working class.
2. In your work, you often appear but do not exert effort, being lazy and slick, even dozing off on night shifts, failing to work for the benefit of the people.
3. Your discipline is very poor; you do not always follow your master's orders and often act independently, frequently violating rules, failing to execute commands properly, and not using power for the people.
4. You often abandon your post to wander elsewhere, even crossing borders without permission, engaging in illicit relationships, working on private tasks, and releasing crude oil privately, leading not only to severe loss of state assets but also multiple diplomatic incidents, seriously tarnishing the Party and government's image, failing to ensure people's welfare.
5. You lack a proactive work attitude and the spirit of devotion to the Party's great cause; your initiative is extremely poor.For older clients, you always shrink back and fail to move forward; every time, the superiors have to repeatedly conduct political and ideological work, and sometimes even have to call on Wei Ge to get you to reluctantly engage in work. 7. After each work session, your vomit always leaves the workplace filthy, extremely dirty, messy, and poor, severely polluting the environment, showing a failure to uphold the patriotic hygiene campaign. 8. You do not always follow safety regulations and often forget to wear safety gear, resulting in repeated accidental pregnancies. 9. Your revolutionary spirit has seriously declined; even before turning 65, you have repeatedly submitted requests to the organization for retirement. 10. You have never been able to competently handle more than two work tasks at the same time. 11. You frequently violate labor discipline, arriving late or leaving early, and even abruptly stopping work midway. 12. Finally, we want to mention that every time you enter or leave the construction site, you always carry two suspicious large bags with you, resembling terrorist bombs. What they actually contain, you should explain clearly to the organization. Comrade Penis, although you have many shortcomings, over the years, you have still contributed a lot to the Party. The Party is aware of and affirms your achievements. We hope you can carry forward your strengths, overcome your weaknesses, withstand the trials of blood and fire from the Party and the people, and dedicate yourself to the Party's cause for life. Comrade Penis: you should always represent the most advanced offensive power of men, always represent the most fundamental needs of women, and always represent the proactive direction of advanced activities. Always maintain the advancement of a revolutionary soldier. If you feel that your heart is willing but your strength is insufficient, the organization can consider letting you rest and have the pseudo-foreign bureau comrades, who were brought from Canada from thousands of miles away, replace your position, to continue accomplishing the unfinished tasks of the Party and the people. You should think carefully!
