Thanks to the girls who taught me many things at the age of 19...

Experience, when summarized, eventually evolves into common sense. A female friend of mine once told me a piece of common sense: a guy who only knows how to hit on girls every day will definitely be the first one to get passed over by them.
Of course, the line between a scumbag and a charming guy is inherently ambiguous. My female friends are all very experienced and skilled at judging guys. Naturally, it's unrealistic for a guy to think he can charm them completely.
Haven't I seen all kinds of pick-up tricks? Haven't I come across scumbags? Spending every day idle and relying on your parents while acting cool—what kind of stupid love is that?
At the same time, I learned another piece of common sense: the probability of pretty girls liking losers is almost zero. FSJ told me this, and I thought, no wonder one girl in the past really minded that I always called myself a loser in different situations. I was really so stupid!
I thought that honestly sticking a loser label on myself would make me harmless to everyone, but actually, I was just digging a pit for myself to jump into.
But what surprised me was that, at 19, I realized I knew much more about myself than I had in the previous six years combined. When I reflected quietly, I attributed it to having more exposure to life. However, ironically, the thing that actually brought about this change was that in this year I met or reunited with quite a few female friends.
Even though most of the time I was hanging out with guys, joking and chatting—I'm talkative and subtly flirtatious, quick-witted, so I had some popularity among guys my age—actually, I slightly perversely enjoyed being called a friend of women. I could guess girls' thoughts accurately, and the romantic advice I gave them was mostly taken. By listening to their stories and interacting with them, I unexpectedly learned quite a lot. Of course, I was also lucky—my female friends are very experienced, each one like a book you can carefully read; I suppose I've benefited from misfortune.
As for what the misfortune was, it was, of course, because I had enough miserable experiences that even TJ said she could hardly imagine how chaotic the world would be if I could find a girlfriend in the future!In fact, I also feel that beneath my pseudo-artsy youth appearance, there is indeed a secretive heart. As experiences accumulate and insights broaden, I gradually discover that even I find it hard to believe I can have a proper relationship with a girl. Maybe running around as a single man is a decent choice. But perhaps I should learn to face things bravely and try with courage. After all, it's just a matter of self-worrying: wanting to love sincerely but fearing that I'm not good enough, hesitating and holding back; if a relationship could be obtained through a little physical trick, then I wouldn't want it. Is that being cold-hearted, or being promiscuous? Thinking this way makes me realize how scary I am.

"Do not be reckless in love, do not be chaotic in heart." There is someone who has always, through her words and actions, subtly influenced me to learn this phrase. Perhaps it's a kind of divine coincidence; meeting her is a blessing, and indeed, she is my benefactor.

I am an extremely emotional guy, sometimes very sensitive, sometimes joking too much. She is constantly finding opportunities to say that my head is full of nonsense. I shamelessly retort with just one line: "The only thing in my head is you." Sometimes I talk in a very sentimental way in front of her, praising her and talking about the changes she has brought to me, and sometimes I tease her mischievously, randomly acting cute or grossing her out. This version of me is undoubtedly the type of a young, inexperienced boy. But most of the time when we are together, there are smiles, and when our eyes meet, they shine brightly. This feeling is probably what mutual affection feels like.

Of course, that's just it.

After all, we all live in reality; how can emotions surpass reason? Investing in a relationship when it's not right is definitely irresponsible. Why bother torturing oneself needlessly?

I am grateful to those girls who taught me so much in the year I was 19…