Here's an embarrassing incident my buddy ran into: everyone knows tourist spots usually have separate men's and women's restrooms, and someone at the entrance handed out tissues or gave directions. My buddy was tall and handsome, and he ran straight in in a hurry...... That's right, you guessed right. He went into the women's restroom, but the uncle handing tissues at the door pretended not to see and let him in. When we expected a scream or two from inside, we saw a beautiful woman come out and say to her friend, 'Wow, a handsome guy just went in. I didn't kick him out, I was afraid he'd scare him..... ...... By the way, I have a close friend who's always clueless and stubborn. Her mom is really worried, saying she eats whatever she eats. So every day, she gives her chicken hearts to her and even pokes a hole in the chicken heart... She euphemistically calls it 'nourishing the heart and eyes'...
Aunt's family has a perfect cousin. She has been like a boy since she was little, standing up to pee. Now she is 6 years old. Just now, after dinner and taking a walk with my cousin, we saw a little boy crying by the roadside. She came up to comfort her, saying, 'Don't cry.' I thought my little cousin had a bit of a girlish vibe, but the more she spoke, the more the boy cried harder. Then, at the climax, my cousin kicked the boy to the ground... I was so scared that I hugged her and ran off...
In our office, napping at noon is popular; six or seven colleagues bought those beach beds. When we put them down at noon, everyone would sleep straight together. Finally, one day, while everyone was sound asleep, a colleague from another office came in and said, "Damn, this is so scary, why does it feel like a morgue?!"
I am already married. When I was in elementary school, I played some very dangerous games during breaks with four or five friends. I won't go into the exact game, but it was related to the cesspit. As a result, the principal caught me and punished me by standing there. During the process, the principal asked each of us how many lives we had. I was the last to answer. Previously, some answered 5 or 8 lives, but the principal ignored them. Sadly, I was the only one who answered one. The principal got angry and said, "How many lives do they have? You have one life, and you have the nerve to hang out with them..."
A friend of my mom said that next door to her house runs a tea shop, and the owner has a little boy who is 8 years old... This summer, he used his cousin's photo and his own name to chat on Qiuqiu, tricking a 19-year-old girl from out of town to come here. The girl called the boy's house, who happened to be playing house with other kids. When the boy's dad answered and heard it was his child's girlfriend, he thought it was a scam......In the end, the girl found the place according to the address that the boy gave, so the boy got beaten by his dad, and the girl, holding the money given by the boy's dad, cried all the way home!! I just read a whole night about kids sneaking online and calling their parents, so I'll share one too. When I was in high school, my homeroom teacher was famous throughout the school for defending his students; even the principal couldn't do anything. When the director got annoyed, he bluntly told us: 'If you can get caught even just for jumping over a wall, what else can you do?' Once, after school, someone came to him for a note to leave school; he frowned and said: 'If you want to surf the internet, then surf the internet. Why ask for sick leave? Do I look like someone who gives notes? Go, go, go, jump the wall, stop bothering me!' It was such a class, yet it had the highest college admission rate in the entire grade. Those who didn't go to university basically now have their own careers. Even eight years after graduation, they never forget to invite this 'Old Zhang' to any reunion! As soon as I entered the house, I found a 100-yuan note on the table. Usually, my mom doesn't give me pocket money, could it be that she's feeling generous this time? Thinking of this, I couldn't help but feel happy. When I picked up the note, I found a small piece of paper underneath it. I picked it up and saw that it said: 'Today is your grandmother's birthday. Wait for me at home, we'll go together to祝寿 for your grandmother. Note… this 100 yuan is not for you; it's just to get your attention...' At the supermarket, I saw a young girl. My friend poked me and said: 'Look, there's a少女.' I said: 'Why use '枚' as a measure word for a girl?' My friend said: 'It feels so delicate, doesn't it? Young girls are delicate creatures.' It clicked for me, and I nodded in agreement. Shortly after, my friend poked me again: 'Look, there's a heap of women.' The goddess belongs to ** Bureau. When the holidays came, I went to find her for fun. I took a cab. The driver asked where I was going, and I said to a certain ** Bureau. We chatted along the way. After a while, he suddenly asked why I was going there. Without thinking, I said: 'To kill some people and turn myself in.' The driver immediately stopped talking, with a deadpan face. That joke went too far. Today, while eating, my dad told someone that I was very sensible as a child. Once, an uncle gave me a 100-yuan note and asked me to call him dad. I tore up the money and ignored him! My dad is still deeply moved to this day!Then my mom said, 'She's still too young to understand money. If you gave her a candy, she'd have screamed already.' Five seconds of silence. My dad glanced at me, who was eating, and said, 'Ah, we didn't understand her character back then.' Me: '......'
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Living in the countryside, back then almost every household had its own pigpen for raising pigs. One day, a friend's pig actually ran out of the pen. My friend chased after it as fast as he could, but the pig ran even faster. The faster the pig ran, the harder my friend chased. In the end, the pig couldn't run anymore, lay down, and stopped moving. This was not garbage collection (gc), my friend ran over and tried to kick the pig, but the pig didn't budge at all, it just grunted… We called a vet, and it was a muscle strain… A pig has a strain, can you believe it!
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On the company shuttle, most of the passengers were colleagues and quite familiar with each other. Today, as soon as the bus stopped, everyone surged forward, and those standing above couldn't get down. A clear, delicate female voice said: 'Could you please wait a moment and let me get down first?' A guy behind shouted loudly: 'Front row, look. Is it a beauty? If she's pretty, let her go. If not, don't.' The guys in front replied loudly: 'Pretty, pretty. She's a beauty, let her go, please!' Instantly, everyone made a path! The innocent-looking girl got down with her head lowered under everyone's gaze! A bunch of people were nodding while commenting: 'Hmm, not bad, nice figure! Face is pretty too!' ----- Damn! I give up on you guys, people are crazy, her face must have turned as red as an apple!
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In middle school, we lived in dorms, and many boys would sneak out at night to go online after lights out. One night, the school was being strict, and one guy, probably wanting to go online so badly he was going crazy, actually climbed down from the window on the fourth floor. That's not the climax—the climax was that he finally reached the ground in darkness, and behind him came the voice of the dean: 'You came down, huh.'
When I was a kid, I played hide-and-seek with kids in our compound. There was a kid, A. Every time we played, we could never find A, and I always admired him. One time I decided to hide behind A, and all I saw was this kid leisurely wandering home to watch TV...
Neighbor Old Zhang went blind. A month later, the community brought him a Labrador guide dog and said, 'Sir, now that you can't see, this guide dog will help you.' 'Nonsense,' Old Zhang twisted his head, 'I just ate one a couple of weeks ago, won't help at all!'
Today I saw my colleague implement slide-to-unlock on a laptop!Really, seeing it on the spot blew my mind, exceptionally awesome… you know?! His computer's startup unlock password is “ASDFGHJKL;'”, and when he reaches the password input during startup, he quickly hits the last key on Enter, unlocking it in an extremely stylish way!\A female colleague asked: Are there any horror movies? Recommend one. A male colleague answered: You can look in the mirror yourself! She said: I want the kind that looks both scary and really disgusting! He calmly replied: You can eat shit while looking in the mirror.\Today, a colleague brought his five-year-old son to the company. Teasing him: Handsome little guy, what's your name? Little kid: My name is Zhong Haoran, my surname is Zhong, my dad's surname is Zhong too, my mom is a traitor, her surname is Liu……\A girl came home upset after an interview. She complained: “The financial crisis now is outrageous! I had passed the interview and was preparing for the second round!” Mom asked: “Isn't that good, how was the second round interview?” The girl angrily shouted: “Second round? The second round hasn't even started; I didn't expect the interviewer got fired!”\After a boyfriend looked his girlfriend up and down, he said: “I noticed you've recently…” Before he could finish, the girlfriend interrupted him, shouting: “Don't say fat or chubby!” The boyfriend nodded and said: “Swollen!”\I came home late today, and a mosquito flew in; I tried to catch it for a long time but couldn't. Before going to bed, I urged my daughter to take a bath, and she lingered without moving, mumbling: “Mom, I won't bathe. The mosquitoes bite me, should I clean them instead?!”\A few days ago, I learned a classic line: I know your depth, you know my length! Excitedly, I texted my girlfriend to tease her!! Three minutes later, she replied with a very dismissive tone: “Tch, I know your length, but you don't know my depth!!!” My heart was shaken… and then I fell into deep insecurity… I still haven't gotten over it……\On the second day of the honeymoon, the bride started shouting for a divorce because her husband has a serious occupational disease! Friends tried to persuade her, saying men value careers a lot! Unexpectedly, the bride shouted: “What career? He's a milker!”\A friend went to a hair salon to get a haircut. Halfway through, he noticed it looked a bit ugly and anxiously said to the barber: How is it cut like this? The barber said: Don't worry, it's not finished yet, it will look good when it's done.After the haircut was done, the hairstylist looked at him with a troubled face and said, 'It's indeed quite ugly. I don't know if it's the person who's ugly or the hairstyle, forget it, I won't charge you...'\We were in a training session at the mobile company and heard about a case of a 10086 customer service staff getting fired!\A call handler received a call from a customer who stuttered and spoke a bit slowly: I I I.... want to ask, I I I....... phone phone phone bill....... r recent... why is the fee like this? The call handler only said: Big big big brother, c c c can someone like you not get charged?\After that, he was fired! title\I am a Chinese studying abroad in a certain island nation, and I got a Japanese girlfriend here. Earlier, we had a falling out over the Diaoyu Islands issue, but recently I decided to take the initiative to meet her to fight for our sovereignty. First, I went through a Black Forest, found the island, and planted our national flag! Finally, I successfully left our footsteps on the island and excitedly shouted: Diaoyutai is China!\I've been wanting to travel with my boyfriend this year, but didn't know how to bring it up. After finally coming up with something to hint, I said, 'Honey, wouldn't it be romantic and refreshing to feel the sea breeze?' Damn, he actually replied, 'Isn't it also refreshing to stay at home with a fan!'\Today I quarreled with colleagues at work, and then went home to complain to my husband, 'Honey, my colleague XX is so shameless, always making things difficult for me.' Then my husband got furious: 'Bullying my wife? That's unacceptable! Arrange to meet her tomorrow, strip her clothes, then leave quickly and I'll take care of the rest!'!!! Tell me, do you think my husband genuinely wants to help me get back at her?\Every time I go out with my girlfriend, I arrive about two hours after the prearranged time, and then after another 5-10 minutes, my girlfriend will appear and ask if I've been waiting long.\Earlier, I was helping her with something. Later, we turned on the TV and I was doing foreplay on her, then she said to me, 'If you lift your butt a bit more, I can see the TV. You're blocking my view.'……\My current girlfriend would say to me in a crowded apartment elevator, 'Are you sure your husband isn't home?'... The looks from people around instantly petrified me……\One night, we finished a phone call and were about to sleep. My silly wife suddenly went online on QQ and then said to me, 'Hello, I'm on WeChat.'Right after that, WeChat received 'Hello, I'm on Weibo,' then a private message on QQ saying 'Hello, I'm on QQ'… She kept switching back and forth on her phone to play with me for a whole half hour, it was driving me crazy… Just got a call from my husband, saying he was completely exhausted from work today. I said, 'Thanks for your hard work, mua~' He asked if there was a reward to treat him? I shyly said, 'Alright, alright~ I'll give it to you when you get home, you little rascal~' Then I heard him coming into the living room, I immediately ran to the bed, put on sexy lingerie, and posed… A minute passed… five minutes… I said, 'Damn it, where did you go? I'm exhausted from posing!' Then I stepped out of the living room and saw him playing Dota!! Turns out the reward he wanted was not me! title\'Robbery!' With a not very fluent Mandarin call, the plane erupted. Those eating, chatting, and sleeping all turned wide-eyed as if they heard the charge call, excitedly looking toward the source of the sound. A crew-cut young man had just lifted half a cup of clear liquid when he was pinned down by everyone. Half an hour later, the young man woke from unconsciousness, and seeing the serious female flight attendant in front of him, finally cried out the words: 'Miss, another cup of water!' title\It is said that Ximen the nobleman followed Jinlian into the inner room, locked the doors and windows, and threw Jinlian onto the bed… Jinlian scolded, 'My lord, my husband will be home soon.' Ximen the nobleman confidently said, 'Lady, don't worry, it will be very quick.'\On the N-th day of military training, after standing in military posture for just 10 minutes, a girl fainted and fell right onto the girl next to her, then was carried away. The instructor immediately emphasized: 'Those who can't handle it should report in time, don't force yourself. If you can faint just by standing 10 minutes, could it be that Lin Mei has reincarnated?' Everyone was puzzled… During the break, people surrounded the fainted girl and asked why, she replied: 'I was just too sleepy and fell asleep~~~'\Goods don't fear being fake, rebates are effective; meals don't fear being expensive, using public funds works; learning isn't deep, but relying on your father helps; skills aren't high, but being taken advantage of can make you popular; looks aren't beautiful, but daring to undress can make you famous; height doesn't matter, money makes you mighty; sports skills don't matter, biased referees can win; matters aren't big, gifts can make them happen; wives aren't ugly, husbands' wealth brings honor.\This morning, I was waiting for the bus at the bus stop. Next to me, there was a visibly pregnant woman also waiting for the bus. From a distance came the No. 13 bus, and I heard the pregnant woman say, 'Sit tight, Mommy is about to take off!' Then I saw her holding her belly and rushing toward the bus!!!During summer vacation, I worked part-time at a supermarket. On the first day, I was responsible for cleaning the floors. Then I noticed a female customer staring at me. So I asked, 'Ma'am, do you need any help?' She smiled and said, 'No, just mop the floor. I just like watching men handle a mop…'
On the evening of September 7th, Mr. Ding went to deposit money at an ATM near Central Road, Nanjing. Due to an operational error, 10,000 yuan was swallowed by the machine. He contacted the bank and was told it would take two working days to resolve. Feeling uneasy, he pretended the machine had swallowed an extra 3,000 yuan. Five minutes later, customer service arrived. The bank explained that the two situations were different, and the first did not affect the security of the funds.
After that day's dinner, I shook hands with the senior leader to say goodbye. He kindly said, 'Happy birthday!' I replied, 'Thank you, leader! Only eight months to go.' The leader turned to the driver and said, 'See? I wasn't wrong, right? Up and down, he's the only one who dare speak the truth. For everyone else, whatever birthday I say is their birthday.' Hmm, learned something new. Oh yeah.
On Valentine's Day. Woman: 'Darling! I like big plush toys!' On the Qixi Festival. Woman: 'Darling! I like French perfume!' On my birthday. Woman: 'Darling! Diamonds mean forever!' On Christmas. Woman: 'Darling! I…' Man: 'Wait, baby! Do you like cheap things?' Woman: 'Yes! I like you the most!'
The newly washed air-conditioning quilt smells great — before bed, I tugged on the quilt and told my husband, 'Smell that, a faint fragrance~' Suddenly, he looked bashful: 'I just took a shower, and even the scent of my private parts reached you…'
My wife is a call center operator. At night she talks in her sleep. Listening carefully, it seems like she's explaining business to someone. Occasionally, I hear something about a package. Thinking she's cute, I kissed her, and she suddenly said, 'Dear customer, please do not kiss me. If you have no other business, could you hang up?'
The Thousand-Armed Guanyin said to Venus, 'Darling, let's make a bet~' Venus said, 'Sure! What if I lose?' Guanyin said, 'If you lose, you get a slap from the other person~'
I work as a human resources consultant. I saw a resume with a good background; all the positions listed were at multinational companies. The strange thing is that every four years, he resigns and takes a two-month vacation before looking for a new opportunity. In July this year, I called him about a position, and he said he's not considering it now, and will talk in two months.The reason is simple: the World Cup happens every four years, and I want to resign and watch it in peace. \ A woman asked the Zen master: 'Life is unsatisfactory, and the people and things around me are unbearable, I cannot fit into society.' The Zen master took out a small cup and asked the woman to pour water into it. Soon the cup was full. The master then took out a large cup. This time, after pouring the water, the cup was still not full. The woman nodded thoughtfully: 'Are you saying that only by having a broad mind can one accommodate everything?' The Zen master shook his head: 'I mean, woman, the key is to have a big cup.' …title
