Sending about taking the train... Even if it's short, I need bro... Today I took the bus back to school, the journey was long, and I finally managed to get a seat ticket. There were a lot of people on the train. I got on and walked to my seat. When I arrived, I saw a guy sitting there, so I said to him, 'Sorry, I'm number 36, this is my seat.' Then the guy looked at me, stood up, and walked away... After a while, an older man came over and told me he was number 36. I checked my ticket and saw it was number 63. I didn't notice and just stood up and kept walking... Damn, the climax was—the guy sitting in seat 63 was still the same guy from earlier... I struggled beside him for five minutes... Gritting my teeth, I went over and said, 'Sorry, this is my seat too...' Even after getting out of the car, I still can't forget the look he gave me as he left...
On weekends, I went to my sister's house to play. In the kitchen, I found a small amount of rice in a plastic dish, clearly meant for the pets. I thought for a long time but couldn't figure out what kind of pets were at home. Puzzled, my sister came in and smiled, saying, "Your brother-in-law is on a business trip, and there are mice at home. I don't dare catch them. I'm afraid they'll chew things, so I'll keep them for now..."
I don't know which channel rebroadcasted Black Cat Detective. My four-and-a-half-year-old son repeated a few lines every day: "Ahaha, Black Cat Sheriff, Ahaha, Black Cat Sheriff, destroy yourself, destroy yourself, destroy yourself—yourself." "My wife, who is a music teacher, seriously corrected him: "It's not about destroying yourself, it's about believing in yourself. You have to listen carefully before learning." Then, she told me that an untrained ear often can't understand the lyrics, or how the melody is connected to the score. I looked sadly at her, a music major, wondering if I should tell her that the lyrics are actually "salute to you, salute to you, salute to you—salute!" "
We have a foolish old lady here...... This morning, the old lady was walking at the door with her dog (she had cataracts), and somehow she fell. Many of us watched from the sidelines, but since she had been in trouble before, no one dared to help her. After a long time, I guess her son couldn't wait anymore, so he came out to help her. As soon as she touched her, she started crying and kept shouting, 'He pushed me.' Her son said, 'It's me, your son.' The old lady said, 'Why don't you wait for someone else to help you?' Everyone nearby felt disgusted. This is the truth!
Our class has two Warcraft fans. Referred to as A and B.One day during an exam, A wanted to copy books, but the proctor kept pacing around. So A said to B, "Help me stir up some hatred" (meaning to pick a random question to drag the teacher along). After hearing this, B looked up and said to the proctor, "You bastard." And then nothing happened.
My roommate was sleeping and talking in his sleep, waking me and another buddy. We didn't know what was going on or whether we should wake him, so we just listened to his sleep. Gradually, the rhythm became clearer, and suddenly, the buddy who was also woken up shouted, "Damn!" The most flashy ethnic style. "...
\The new semester started. A buddy came to the dorm carrying luggage and asked the eldest sleeping on the lower bunk, "Is there no one sleeping on the upper bunk?" The eldest was dazed and didn't pay much attention, casually replying, "No!" After hearing this, the guy used all his strength to throw a big bag of luggage onto the upper bunk—but the upper bunk had no bed board!
Today I heard the little girl next door sing 'Big Windmill,' and I almost choked it out. She sang: 'Big windmill, keep spinning, damn, damn, it's so beautiful...'
We have a psychology class for college students. Let the students write about what they want to do during their four years at university, how they do it, and what they hope for. A guy from BH wrote: What do you want to do: want to pursue your girlfriend; How to do: pursue; Result: catch up.
These days, anyone who's been in the field troops knows what kind of training they're supposed to do! Using satellite dishes in the field (the leader only asked to search for three channels: one Phoenix, one local, and one children's channel). The weather in Guangdong was unbearably hot, and I couldn't sleep at noon. As a result, a bunch of soldiers were wearing fitness pants and vests watching Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf!
One day, I received a short message: "Please wait a moment, sending pictures......" The ellipsis after it was still flashing. After waiting a long time and still no answer, I decided to let it stand by and wait. It still hadn't come out the next day. I replied: The picture you sent is really big, I haven't finished sending it yet. Reply: Scroll down. I scrolled down yesterday's message—it was long, and at the end there were a few words: "Only fools are still waiting." "Yesterday I went to a restaurant for dinner. With the help of the security guard, I parked the car. After getting out, Security guard: Eat? Me: Yes, I want to eat. Security guard: Oh, no charge for eating. Me: No charge for eating? Security guard: Yes, no charge for eating. Me: Oh, I remembered. A fashionable girl went to the mall counter to buy a mini skirt, tried on many short skirts, but all felt they were too long.At this moment, a small business owner came over and said to MM, "Miss, nothing suitable, right? I have some, definitely suitable…!" MM was delighted upon hearing this and asked, "What do they look like? Show me!" The small business owner said seriously, "How about a waistband?"
Going to a public restroom without bringing toilet paper... all I had was a 100 yuan note and a phone. What to do... I decisively picked up the phone, called KFC, and asked them to deliver a family bucket, with a special request for a male delivery person and extra toilet paper, to location XXX, men's restroom, stall number 2…
Today after shopping at the supermarket, a friend drove by in a Mercedes and insisted on giving me a ride home. As a regular guy who never had nice cars, I gladly agreed. After getting out and waiting for my friend to leave, I secretly took the bus for 2 stops, returned to the supermarket entrance, and rode back on my bike.
Looking at various iPhone 6 and iPhone 20 pictures circulating online,
my friend couldn't help but exclaim, "Damn, if this keeps going, the Japanese won't even be able to press the power button! Have you ever thought about their feelings?"
Mr. Hao, who lives in Chaoyang District, is famously obsessed with food. According to friends, late one night, Mr. Hao suddenly recalled a small street-side shop he had eaten at in a small city in Yunnan. He immediately booked a ticket to fly from Beijing to Yunnan just to savor the food. Mr. Hao himself confirmed this event, saying that although it was quite expensive, it was a feast—6 pieces of finger-licking original chicken, a strawberry sundae, and a large order of fries…
My brother and I, after not seeing each other for years, ran into each other on the street. Excited, we found a restaurant and randomly sat at a table to chat. After a while, I felt the restaurant staff were looking at us strangely. Could it be that my brother looked too plain and they disdained him? I got upset and loudly said, "Your staff looks down on people. How about the boss, what do you say?" "Sir, calm down, how about this: could you and your brother step away from the table for a moment to talk?"
Back in math class, the teacher was explaining the definition of a blind spot. She said it was a place you could not see.
I curiously asked my deskmate, "Then in a blind person's eyes, isn't it all blind spots?"
He answered, "That's why they're called blind people."
Second-generation government official: Driving into my A8, are you crazy?
Second-generation rich kid: Your broken A8 isn't even worth the lights on my Bentley.
Official: Look at my license plate, you dare drive the wrong way on Chang'an Street?
Rich kid: Scaring who? I spent money to hire someone to beat you up.Official: I'm sending several trucks of the army to deal with you right now.
Rich guy calls: Dad, I hit a second-generation official at the XX Bridge, and he wants to send several trucks of the army to get me.
Rich Dad: Son, don't worry, the trucks can't get through. I built the bridge; I know what I'm doing...
That day I was on a bus, in a crowded and noisy environment, a young woman said: 'Look at you, you stepped on my foot and didn't even fart.' A man calmly and slowly replied: 'I've already wronged you by stepping on your foot. If I fart at you on top of that, am I still human?' Immediately, the bus erupted with laughter...
Optimus Prime stood on the horizon, sending waves into the depths of space: 'We have been living alongside the people here, hidden under their noses, quietly protecting them... I have witnessed their courage... I am Optimus Prime, warning all Autobots exiled in the universe who are planning to come to Earth, never become a Toyota, Nissan, or Lexus...'
Grandma isn't well and is in the hospital, given a wheelchair. One day, out of boredom, I sat in her wheelchair and pushed myself around for fun. While pushing, I got into a dead end and couldn't turn out no matter what. I was so nervous and sweating, took out my phone to call my mom, saying I couldn't get out and asking her to help push me out. My mom immediately lost it and said: 'You aren't unable to walk; just get out of the wheelchair and push it back yourself!' At that moment, I felt my intelligence had been seriously insulted.
On the weekend, I went rafting. While on the boat, a young boy next to me was very naughty, running up and down the stairs on the boat. His mother couldn't take it anymore and shouted: 'Stop running; the stairs are dangerous. If you fall down the stairs, you can go straight to find your dad!' I thought to myself, 'Did the child's father pass away? Or is his dad in a vegetative state?' So I instinctively cast a pitying and sympathetic look at this mother. She noticed my expression, smiled kindly, and said: 'Don't misunderstand, his dad is a neurosurgeon!'
My cousin sells gifts, and he packages them well. He mailed a gift to his girlfriend far away in Shanghai, in a package as big as two stacked CD drives. When she opened it, there was another gift box inside, and inside that another one, repeating 7 layers, with a ring box at the center. Excited, she opened the ring box, and inside was a large sticker of him.
Sunday, resting at home.My daughter is terrible. Whenever things don't go her way, she cries like a film actress. When I yelled at her for not eating properly, her tears immediately streamed down her face, and she ran sobbing toward her dad. I told her dad, 'Don't protect anyone.' When my daughter ran over, I heard her dad say to her, 'Don't come over, if you come, you'll involve me...' How scared of me is this kid's dad...\I am a woman, a chubby girl, and I've been dating my boyfriend for a year, planning to get married at the end of the year. Once, we went downstairs to eat together. As soon as we got downstairs, he suddenly said to me, 'Honey~ come, let's see if I can carry you on my back.' I was afraid he couldn't carry me, so I carefully climbed onto his back. In the end, he said, 'Yeah, I can carry you.' I felt a little excited… but then he said, 'It's just that I can't walk…' damn…\My high school PE teacher had just graduated and was beautiful… One day during PE class, the beautiful teacher led us in stretching exercises right in front of us. As I was admiring her sexy movements, a male classmate in front suddenly squatted down. The teacher and classmates all gathered around; this guy said his stomach hurt and the teacher asked him to go to the medical room, but he refused to stand up. Two tall classmates tried to force him to the medical room by holding his arms. During this, he resisted in every possible way. When he was finally carried up, everyone was shocked—he was like a pillar! The teacher and female students immediately turned away, and he quickly escaped the scene. He ran so fast!\During a period of rainy weather, the school stairs were wet and slippery… When going downstairs, I spotted a teacher I liked, jumped down the steps excitedly to greet her… but suddenly stumbled, damn, kneeled on one knee, looked up, and said, 'Hello, Teacher!'… Everyone was watching, so embarrassing =_=\In elementary school, I rarely washed my hair, it was very greasy… Once, I got into a fight with a boy and made him cry. While crying, he shouted, 'I'm telling the teacher! You hit me!!!'… Even now, that memory is still traumatic for me…\Today I watched a variety show, and the host asked a kid, 'What do you call a fox that has become a spirit?' The kid didn't think and immediately said, 'Mistress.' I was internally hurt at that moment!
Today I got off work and got home a bit later than usual. Many people in the neighborhood came out to walk their dogs~~~~~~ An older lady was pulling a pure white Samoyed. The dog was playing on the grass when suddenly another Samoyed ran over from afar. The two dogs were almost identical in size and size, and naturally, one of them kept taking out the other. Then I looked at the owner of the dog running out behind me. It was a pretty handsome guy. Seeing this, he immediately chased away the dog that was moving on his dog. The auntie saw this and smiled, saying, "It's okay, it's all Samoyeds anyway. Your one looks pretty pure, and your puppy's next litter should be more purebred too!" "As soon as the lady finished speaking, the handsome guy looked at her with a resentful expression and said, "The problem is, my dog is also a male dog...!" "A group of people passing by. It's a mess..."
A colleague took a cat and a dog to the office to play, while another wanted to stir up trouble so the cat and dog would fight for fun, so he hit the cat and said a classic line: "The dog fought!"
Shake WeChat, then call a little loli, then say as you greet: "Nice girl!" The little girl replied: Just by looking at the way you greeted me, you can tell they're not from the same generation, there's a generation gap. Then they directly blocked me...... Speechless...... How do people chat these days?
Today, a friend came over to play and bought two big watermelons. My son wanted to eat them but was too shy to say anything, so he circled around twice and asked me: Mom, did you buy these watermelons to see?
A male classmate in high school who was actually an aunt and nephew with a girl from the neighboring class was actually an aunt and nephew. One night, he rode his aunt home with that girl. Our homeroom teacher saw this and thought he was dating early, so the next day he called him to the office and scolded him. The boy then said she was my aunt and climaxed, but our homeroom teacher said, "Oh, you still think you're Yang Guo..."
My older sister's breasts hurt, so my brother-in-law accompanied her to the hospital. The doctor was an intern and said to touch her breasts, then the doctor looked at my brother-in-law and said, "Did I touch her?" Brother-in-law: Go ahead and touch it. If you don't, how can you see the illness? Seeing the doctor seriously stretch out his finger mountain, about to grab him, he asked brother-in-law: Did I really touch it? Before my brother-in-law could respond, my sister gracefully picked up the doctor's hand and said, 'Hurry up and touch, I can't take it anymore!' My brother-in-law's doctor was so shocked.
Attending a friend's wedding in Luoyang。。。。。One part involved bowing to the introducer. The bride and groom took out their phones, opened WeChat, and bowed three times to the phone...
Speaking of a high school buddy of mine, in the third year, the director of political education taught us Chinese. He was usually extremely unreasonable; in any situation he didn't like, he would lash out at you like crazy. So, one morning my buddy was late and got scolded again. He was so annoyed that he somehow found the teacher's home phone number, called, and the teacher's wife answered. He said he wanted to talk to *** and demanded the teacher come out, saying that if they didn't, the young lady wouldn't get paid. The next day, the teacher came to class with fingernail marks on his face.
A friend went to meet his girlfriend's parents. Her parents thought he was poor and had no stable job and refused to agree. My friend was quick-talking and finally persuaded them. Her mom said: 'At this point, why are you still calling me Auntie?' The poor friend, without thinking, sweetly said: 'Sis...' And then, nothing more happened... Flattery can really get you into trouble.
When I go shopping with my boyfriend, he always walks really fast, and I'm short-legged, so I get dragged along every time. Just now, as he was dragging me through the mall, I shouted, 'You're not pulling me; you're dragging me!' My boyfriend thought for a moment and said to me: 'You can just think of it as you are walking me.'
Today I saw news that in Inner Mongolia, a guy got into a small motorcycle accident after getting drunk. The authorities wanted him to take a mandatory blood alcohol test. He tried to avoid responsibility by attempting to jump from the second floor. Firefighters had already set up landing airbags on the first floor, but he hesitated and didn't jump. Then his family came. The climax: someone who seemed to be his older brother yelled something like 'Stop messing around, jump down,' and kicked him out of the second-floor window. Indeed, family gets things done efficiently...
