[Ghost]: Anthology

In the bits and pieces of life, I once wrote these words……
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Clouds on the horizon, the heart of a traveler
Clouds drift slowly, feelings linger, a wandering heart is like the clouds in the sky, not knowing where to drift… Flowers bloom and wither countless times, spring, summer, autumn, and winter pass, always wandering. Tired, in pain, crying, yet never able to find a harbor to call one's own. Alone, quietly swaying in the wind and rain, falling repeatedly in the muddy path, struggling to rise, looking down at the mud covering the body, and then howling at the sky! Faltering steps leave a series of shallow and deep marks, just like the various difficulties and setbacks in our lives. But as long as we are still breathing, life has no end. Moving forward on a bumpy road, mentally and physically exhausted, utterly weary, the clouds in the sky drift, floating toward the horizon until the mountains block the view! Picking up a broken heart, continuing forward, falling down is not scary; what is scary is never being able to rise again. Clouds disperse, but they will still gather together. The heart of a traveler, where does the longing return to? Not wanting to scatter across the ends of the earth, the wine of home smells good, the water of home is sweet, the feelings of home are rich and deep!
Gui 2012.7.20
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The Soul's Haven
I can no longer remember exactly when that story happened, but it remains vividly in my memory. The story is about a young mother who had to carry her child and traverse several miles of mountainous paths to go to school every day. After sending her child to school, she would pick up recyclables in every corner of the county. She had to wait until the afternoon when her young child finished school before going home, carrying her child on her back. It was a rugged mountain path, no vehicles, and in some places only one person could pass through. She collected recyclables both to make sure the day's time was not wasted and to supplement her family's income. On stormy days, she would quietly wait under the eaves. Even when her stomach was growling, she couldn't bear to spend money to buy food. No one knew what she was thinking; she just stared in the direction of the school, quietly waiting for her dear child to finish school, and then carried him home. Some may ask, why doesn't she go home first and then come back to pick up the child? If she did that, she would be late in picking up the child because the mountain path was too long. We all understand what this means: a child is the hope and spiritual support for parents. No matter how bitter or exhausting, she would never speak of it, only endure silently.Silently enduring, whenever we reach out to our parents for money, have we ever thought that this money is stained with the hard work and sweat of the elderly? As children, we are their hope, their reliance. No matter what the situation or hardship, they say: For the sake of the children. Though it is a simple sentence, it is profound and thought-provoking!

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A person quietly thinking of you
Quietly thinking of you, the mosquitoes around keep hitting the mosquito net. Those tiny creatures always manage to get in and bite my legs, sucking my blood freely. I do not mind because I am thinking of you!
Quietly thinking of you, I light a cigarette, the smoke curls around, stinging my eyes, making tears flow. I do not care because I am thinking of you!
Quietly thinking of you, I throw away the cigarette butt and open a beer, taking a small sip, so astringent, yet I still drink the whole can because I am thinking of you!
Quietly thinking of you, repeatedly looking at my phone, no messages from you, no calls. I have never turned off my phone because I am thinking of you!
Quietly thinking of you, sleepless, my head resting on the headboard, eyes cast into the darkness. I do not care that I cannot see anything because I am thinking of you!
Quietly thinking of you, repeatedly logging into QQ, clicking that black avatar. Clearly knowing what the result will be, I still do it because I am thinking of you!
Quietly thinking of you, can you hear the calls of my heart from afar? The pain in my heart is unbearable, even in dreams I am calling your name because I miss you!
Quietly thinking of you, quietly, quietly thinking…

Gui 2012.7.19
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My sky is raining
Gazing through the window, the sky is clear and cloudless, yet my sky is still raining. Endless longing, countless ties, the rain does not stop in my heart, the drenched heart still sheds tears… Tears and raindrops blend together, flowing… Each raindrop strikes my heart painfully, the splashing water like ripples in a lake, unable to calm. With tears, I wish to relive the tender moments of the past in my memories, yet I can never find your shadow. With tears, flipping through the diary, each page filled with our past warmth and romance! With tears, wetting the paper, the words begin to blur as they spread with moisture… Gently, I lift my headThe Adam's apple twitched, and the low sobbing sound broke through the deathly silence. Hands covered the face, covering the mouth, so that the cries would not travel farther; even if they did, you would not hear them. My sky, my heart, it is raining, filling the heart, and above drift with withered petals and fallen leaves, flowing, flowing... Flowers that have fallen will bloom again. When the flowering season comes, let my heart's rain irrigate again! My sky is raining, soaking the heart... My sky is raining, mixed with tears...
(Ghost, 2010.7.18) Because of you
Because of you\ The scorching summer becomes cool; even iced beer, cola, and Sprite pale in comparison;\ Because of you\ The clouds in the sky dance, even when the sky is dark with thunderclouds, the heart remains sunny;\ Because of you\ The mountains become charming, even if the grass withers and trees decay, the eye can still find strands of green in the corners;\ Because of you\ The wind is proud, even in dark, dusty times, it cannot bury the marks engraved in the heart or the string of affection;\ Because of you\ The river appears full of sentiment, even as fish leap and sand stones stir, one can always glimpse the scenery beneath the muddied waters;\ Because of you\ Work is no longer irritating, even with aching back and legs, or sweating profusely, it vanishes in an instant, scattered into the clouds;\ Because of you\ The night is no longer lonely, even when gloomy and cold winds blow, sleep comes peacefully, and a happy smile adorns the face;\ Because of you\ Everything is so wonderful;\ Because of you\ The world becomes beautiful;\ Because of you\ Because of you\ The heart is no longer wandering, blood rushing like tides, passion burning fiercely!
(Ghost, 2012.7.15)
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Mosquito Kiss\ Waking in a dream, my blurry eyes search in the dark, fingertips brush across my lips. A subtle pain, a mosquito has kissed me. I get out of bed, approach the window; the window frame sways in the night wind, the wind is so cool that it sends a shiver down my spine. My hand grazes my lips again, my index finger feeling a slight swelling. It has flown away. Your long hair, pure white dress, you always circle around me like a bird...\ Green grass, we lie side by side, closing our eyes, inhaling deeply the fresh air of nature. In the haze, your hair covers my eyes. I hear your breathing, feel your face very close, very close to mine. Those are your lips, soft and delicate, pressed against my parched lips....\ My legs felt numb. I lit a cigarette and took a deep drag. Unconsciously, I found myself in tears! I lifted my head and exhaled the smoke into the night sky. Tonight's night was so beautiful, with brilliant starlight and enchanting moonlight; the clear night sky held not a single cloud. You sat on the crescent moon, your flowing hair and pure white dress waving at me, your face still holding that intoxicating smile.... Why? Why? A hysterical roar erupted in my heart—why did you leave me to fly to such a distant place, leaving us only to embrace each other in dreams?! You flew away, leaving behind the scent of your lips... that mosquito flew away, carrying my lip print with it....
Written on 2013.1.16
Fifteen years later, would we hold hands?\ Fifteen long yet short years. Long, because I painfully endured, suffered, tormented, with days feeling like years, full of bitterness and tears. Step by step, I got through it; short, because time flies by in an instant, and finally, I found her.\ On the third day of enlistment, I wrote her a letter, carrying my longing, sleeping each day with a smile as my companion.\ Day by day passed, but I did not hear from her. Perhaps she had not received the letter, perhaps she was too busy, perhaps her reply was on the way, perhaps… perhaps… again and again, I found excuses for her.\ Day after day, year after year, she did not reply. I began to fall in love with cigarettes and alcohol, and the smiles of the past were gone.\ I trained desperately, labored intensely, trying to vent the pain in my heart.\ The nights were long, my mind filled with her image; one cigarette after another...\ I continued to work hard, thinking time could heal everything, but I was wrong; my longing did not fade, and my love did not diminish!\ When I fell, love helped me rise; when I was hurt, love made me strong; when tired, I browsed through the memories in my heart, feeling re-energized; when I cried, I searched for her shadow within my heart...\ Time passed second by second. I learned to go online and almost became obsessed. Wandering through major and minor sites in the vast internet, sometimes gaining, sometimes heartbroken...\ Why did fate let us meet again? My heart was already full of scars, yet why did I find her again?\ That one time, I met her online by chance, tears pouring down as I looked at the familiar yet slightly unfamiliar name on the screen, and she cried too...\ Fifteen years had passed, and I thought we would never see each other again.Listening to her recount the past, so much has happened. She has been tormented in a painful marriage, exhausted beyond measure. She told me that she never received my letters, but I didn't tell her about my life over all these years. Quietly listening to her confiding, is my heart happy? Confused? Or something else… I can no longer sort it out!\She told me that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me and will not let go easily again; she also told me that she wants us to have a baby of our own; she also told me…\Am I happy, or confused? Everything feels so chaotic, fifteen years of ups and downs, fifteen years of painstaking waiting, can we hold hands?
Ghost, July 17, 2012
That mountain, that river, that soldier\The mountains stretch in rolling waves, with green pines and cypresses, overgrown with weeds; countless intertwined branches give life to the mountains, making them appear less monotonous.\Majestic mountains tower into the clouds, like a fairyland on earth, revealing endless mystery and wonder, catching the heart and mind, always making one want to climb, explore, and uncover their 'true face.'\Peaks overlap, jagged rocks jut out, searching for words to praise them with every ounce of effort!\The river, connecting the ends of the mountains, forms gullies carved by accumulated water.\Shrimp and crabs leap, fish and clams compete, the river giving them a place of peaceful dwelling.\Flowers bloom and fall, autumn passes and winter comes, the river flows endlessly, unknown where it originates or where it flows, reflecting the mountains and nourishing all things!\The soldiers? No one knows how long they have been stationed here. At the foot of the mountain, by a small river, they built their huts, very clean, giving a sense of immaculate tranquility, very pleasant.\A small basketball court sits in the center of the houses, making it feel so warm!\The soldiers, some are playing basketball, some are washing clothes, some are wandering… and there are the steadfast guards, holding rifles, faces stern, heroic demeanor, awe-inspiring.\They are protecting the country's property, fulfilling their sacred mission!\The mountains, the river, the soldiers, all closely connected.\Some say the mountain is the backbone, the river the lifeblood, and the soldiers the beating heart!
Ghost, February 14, 2013
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A glance back and a smile, yet becomes an unbreakable longing\Just your slight glance back and smile, my heart has never been calm since. The strings of my heart ripple with your image, my mind filled with your eyes and your smile. I know I cannot extricate myself, deeply in love with you!\The fading figure gradually became blurry, but the person I love still kept gazing, waving their hand in the direction you were leaving!\The bustling street was packed with people, and frenzied taxis flowed endlessly. I sat in the car, my vacant eyes staring at the noisy crowd, while the radio was playing Wang Chengming's 'The Love of This Life'.\The car sped along the highway, dust blinded my eyes. I didn't rub them, letting it intrude in my sight.\The wind outside the window was playing with my hair. I closed my eyes because of that speck of dust:\Flowing hair swayed left and right with the rhythm of walking, refracting sunlight like a black waterfall. I stopped, turned back, and gently smiled, dimples hanging on both cheeks, eyes sparkling!\It was that gentle glance and smile that destined me to be infatuated.\----------
Every bit of life, to be continued...