The following days were predictably chaotic, spending all day at the company, constantly busy, but I didn't know what I was busy with. I had to find something to do, or I would inevitably think of Xia Ou. I wondered if she was now in that man's arms again, letting him squeeze new bruises on her waist or thighs. I didn't want to go home at night either; I was afraid to see the empty room, and even more afraid to face a woman pointing at her belly, saying it had my child, a child whose parentage I truly dared not confirm. At night, I either slept on the small bed behind the office or went drinking with friends at Yao Lv to pass the time.\
I slid into a messy, filthy routine. The scary thing was that I had never thought of climbing out.\
Around mid-March, there was a very important file on the computer at home that I had to go back to get. I deliberately lingered outside until 2 a.m. before going home, so even if Xia Ou was at home, she would already be asleep.\
I opened the door and tiptoed in, like an ostrich entering a room. The computer was in the living room, so I didn't have to worry about Xia Ou discovering me.\
But as soon as I looked up, I saw Xia Ou. She froze for a moment when she saw me, then immediately ran over to get my slippers.\
Her small, thin body now looked like a handful of bones. Her big, joy-filled eyes quickly handed me the slippers:
“You're back? Come change your shoes,” she said brightly, deliberately raising her voice, though a little choked tone could be heard at the end of the last two words.\
The girl, Xia Lu, placed the slippers by my feet. After I took off my shoes, she put my leather shoes on the shoe rack. She had been doing these things almost every day for two years, skilled and effortless.\
Later, when she became pregnant, I stopped her from doing it. I was considerate of her body, and she always complained, "Don't take away my only pleasure!"\
I thought I could stop loving her, that after everything, I could at least love her a little less.\
But at that moment, when I saw her habitually reach out to pick up the shoes I had changed, my eyes grew hot. I tried hard to control myself and not hug that frail body.\
“Why aren't you asleep yet?” I asked.\
She smiled at me, innocent, but didn't answer my question. She only said she would pour me some coffee—I had the habit of drinking coffee at night.\
I looked at her smile and felt that I was about to fall into her enchanting trap again.After pouring out the coffee, she moved a chair over and sat beside me. I didn't turn around, but I knew she was calmly watching me. I was really not used to this cycle; that familiar scent softened my heart. After preparing what I needed, I stood up, making an effort not to meet her gaze, not giving her a chance to catch me.
“I'll go run you a bath!” she said, heading toward the bathroom again.
“Uh, Xia'ou…”
“Hm?”
I called after her. I wanted to tell her it wasn't necessary and that I wouldn't be sleeping at home, but faced with the obvious excitement in her eyes, I somehow couldn't bring myself to say it.
“I… sigh, just go sleep yourself. I'll eat something and then return to the company; there are still some things to deal with there.” I hoped these reasons could make her feel a little better.
She looked at me for a few seconds, then silently went to cook me a meal.
Actually, I had no appetite at all.
Ten minutes later, she had the dishes ready and sat beside me, watching me eat.
“What time have you been sleeping these past few days?” I asked, noticing that she seemed to be waiting for me every night until late.
She looked at me, said nothing, and just shook her head.
“Haven't slept?”
“Mm, I slept during the day. At school.”
I was surprised, but didn't want her to notice. I continued eating.
After finishing a bowl, she quickly served me some soup—a habit she used to enjoy.
I felt my heart ache unbearably.
Suddenly, I caught sight of her hand holding the soup, trembling slightly with the spoon.
I gently set down the spoon in her hand, had her turn to face me, and then, like a martyr with no regrets, I embraced her—solid and warm.
“What should I do with you? What should I do with you?”
“I'm just waiting for you, doing the best I can.” Her voice immediately choked with tears, and she hugged me tightly.
I ran my fingers through her hair, smooth and soft, pressed my face against hers—familiar and fresh. Her skinny, almost monkey-like body had long captivated me. I never wanted to let go when holding Xia'ou.
But why is she so wicked? She used to treat her mother that way, and now does this to me. Does being cruel to the person in the world who loves her most help her to survive?
I turned her around, looking into her reddened eyes, and said, “You bad woman.”
She didn't distinguish anything; her eyes turned even redder."Tell me who you were with that night and what you did, okay?" I still had to ask, and she had to tell me herself, or else I'd be mentally upended by the blood in my heart for the rest of my life. She shook her head, her eyes wide open, frowning, making the biggest facial expression I'd ever seen. "Go ahead!" "Don't say hello, okay?" She spoke in a voice almost pleading, like a helpless fawn. "Why won't you tell me? Why won't you say anything? Then what do you want me to do?" Carrying this gray shadow of pride to spend your whole life with you? Or have you never thought about seriously being with me?" "I shouted, almost a roar."
Then I saw her cry. She sat on the sofa crying.
This was the third time she cried, and also the last time I saw his tears.
Xia Ou cried, her voice earnest, her slender shoulders slightly raised, tears streaming wildly down her face. She seemed unwilling to cry, desperately wiping the water off her face with the back of her hand, wiping hard and fast. I was afraid if I didn't stop her, she would ruin her face. "Alright, stop crying. You're always like this, bearing everything alone. You're not alone anymore. If you have something to say, can you tell me? Xia Ou, be good, be good. Come, tell me. "I squatted down and gently comforted her. Gently wiping her tears with my thumb, I kept talking to her. After a while, she stopped crying. It took a while before she finally calmed down completely. "Do you really want to hear it?" "Yes, I have to listen. Because I want to live with you." I was mentally prepared for the worst, but her first sentence still scared me. "I've been raped by nine men in total." She said, her eyes regaining that calmness.
I thought she was saying I ate nine cherries. But she said she was ...... by nine men. I was so surprised I couldn't close my mouth.
"Want to hear more?" She asked with a hint of mockery.
I looked at her, thinking I was starting to understand her a little.
Courtesan Xia Ou.
"Mm, go ahead."
"My first night was when I was 11. That was the first time my mother brought a man home. That man raped me while my mother was away, then told me that if I told anyone, he would beat my mother to death. So I didn't say anything to anyone.Later, my mother's seven men did the same thing to me, and afterwards they threatened me with my mother. Most of them blamed me, saying I was ...... They seduced them with their eyes, saying I was born to be my mother's replacement. Can you imagine a slut who was only 13? I wasn't even 13 at the time. "I fell silent. I didn't dare think about what kind of childhood the woman I loved so deeply had. I knew her mother spent her whole life around men, always wanting to protect her daughter, so why didn't she notice even that?" "Xia Ou is so good at pretending." I was familiar with her eyes as calm as a well. "At 13, my mother became a man's mistress, and he was very wealthy. Suddenly, my mother's and I life improved, and we became like people of high society. I could attend the best school, eat the most delicious food, and that man never tampered with me; in fact, he was so busy he rarely came to my house. I once thought this was a stroke of luck. When I first started high school, one day after school, he came to pick me up, said he would take me somewhere to eat, and said my mother was waiting for me there. I went with him without hesitation. He had the driver drive to a very remote place and then raped me right in front of the driver. At that moment, I thought I was dead. When he realized I wasn't a virgin, he was furious and said that after waiting so many years, I was already a little bitch. He started cursing, calling my mother a bitch, calling me my little bitch. I couldn't stand it and kicked him, but as you can imagine, he squeezed me so badly I was covered in wounds. He didn't threaten me with my mother; he said nothing and just walked me home as if nothing had happened. I knew that if I said anything, everything about my mother would be lost. In fact, I had already given up on struggling; I almost believed what they said—I was just a prostitute, born to seduce people, a bad woman living insignificantly. That night, I didn't go inside; that day I met you. I don't even know how I got into that bar, but the moment I entered, I really wanted to serve customers, and I felt like I was dead. The reason I chose you was because you were the only man in your group who didn't call me hostess. "
I remembered that night, the first time I saw Xia Ou, that little girl whose face was pure white radiating outward."
"So will you start taking clients from now on?" I asked."No, I only followed you. Do you believe me?" she asked. I nodded without hesitation. Kids around sixteen or seventeen are easily impulsive, and when they get scared, it can have a big impact. I understand. "Do you know why I didn't take clients? Because of your attitude and expression toward me at the time. You called me a prostitute without any hesitation, you released your animal desires on me without hesitation, then dumped 500 yuan and kicked me out without even letting me sleep. At that moment, I held the 500 yuan I earned myself, and I felt like a stray dog." "Now, hearing Xia Ou recount the scene, although I don't know it's innocent, I still feel very embarrassed. My lover was telling me about the clip from a few years ago when I treated her as a prostitute. "Later, you probably guessed that man never gave up on my mother. I think it was because of me. The man you saw at our school gate three years ago who gave me money was his personal driver. Until I met you. I don't think I deceived you about anything; at least I've always been your lover." I was silent for a long time. My mind couldn't process it all at once. Looking at the woman in front of me who wasn't a prostitute but had the same experience, something suddenly occurred. "Does he really like pinching women's waists?" "Xia Ou nodded. "It meant that after her mother passed away, when she pledged our lives, she secretly met that man." "Why haven't you left him yet? He has nothing left to threaten you." "Because...... He gave me a reason I had to satisfy him. ""What is it?" "I can't tell you that." She answered with absolute determination. I glared at her, suddenly feeling the urge to kill. I killed all the men who bullied Xia Ou, and killed her too. But I love her. I gave in; I think she's suffered enough. I hugged her and comforted her, "Alright, alright, it's all in the past. From now on, you're still my Xia Ou. I won't hold it against you." But don't go see his man again. "I thought Xia Ou would be moved and throw herself into my arms and cry bitterly, grateful for my understanding and tolerance, and then turn over a new leaf and create tomorrow with me. But just as my beautiful dreams were unfinished, I heard Xia Ou answer me in a firm voice, "If he comes looking for me, I will still go." ”