So... a colleague of my mom has a three-year-old boy, and usually his mom takes him to bathe... But one day, his mom had something to do, so his dad had to take him to bathe... It was the child's first time entering the men's bath, and he got nervous when he saw a bunch of naked strange uncles, so his dad tried to comfort him... Then... the climax happened: the child ran to the middle of the crowd and started shouting: "Why aren't there any women?! Where did all the women go?!" And then... all the strange uncles froze instantly...
In today's biology class, the teacher was talking about genetic engineering, and when it came to the topic of genetically modified organisms, the teacher said that grafting potatoes and tomatoes is possible. One student got excited: "If the genetically modified grafting is successful, does that mean we can eat French fries without dipping them in sauce?" Oh my, the whole class went wild...
Sharing a story about a weird classmate (male) from middle school. One day, he somehow found a pack of sanitary pads. He stood on the podium, tore them open, and poured water on them from a bottle, shouting as he poured, "It won't leak, it really won't leak." The whole class burst out laughing, and then I saw the homeroom teacher standing at the door, staring at him with resentment... From then on, he became famous. Everyone affectionately called him Shufi.
A young mom brought her little boy (around 4 years old) for a finger blood test. He didn't cry or make a fuss. I was sterilizing and about to prick his finger when he looked up at me and shot me a glare: "Doctor, being this cruel will bring retribution." I...
When I was in second grade, I got into a fight with my deskmate and blackened his eye. After one class, we reconciled, and before leaving school, he asked me: "My eye is black; how should I tell my mom at home?" I had watched too many martial arts movies, so I said: "Tell your mom that you were poisoned... poisoned." Sure enough, his mom came looking for me that afternoon...
My best friend is planning to get married on National Day next year, so she asked her mom to book a hotel (around here, good hotels have to be booked a year in advance). Her mom has never really liked the boy and asked: "What if you break up with him before the wedding?" My best friend replied confidently: "Don't worry, even if I change guys, the wedding date won't change!"
We have a regular mutt at home, but it's very fierce in fights. One morning, it got into a fight with a hound and got one eye bitten blind. At noon, it came home, and I treated its eye and put on an eye patch. While it was resting... that afternoon it went out again, and soon brought back one of the hound's ears and dropped it in front of me!!!Actually, I never said it wasn't amazing?!\Every day, if I get off work earlier than my mom, when she knocks on the door I always ask, 'Who is it?'; today my mom knocked again and I asked, 'Who is it?' She replied, 'Me!'. I asked again, 'Who are you? Give me the password~~, the sky king covers the earth tiger!' Then my mom said, 'I am your mother!'. I........alright, I obediently got up to open the door.\First day: "—Beep—Hello, what issue would you like us to resolve?" 'My water meter is broken, can you fix it?' 'Okay, we will come to your house tomorrow, may I ask, what is your address?' '............'\Second day: "—Beep—Hello, what issue…" 'My water meter is broken, why haven't you come yet?' 'Sorry, we will come to your house tomorrow.'\Third day: "—Beep—Hello…" 'Our water meter is running backward!' '............Please wait five minutes, we're on our way!'\It was in high school... One day, two classmates started quarrelling in class. Later, one said: 'You aren't even worthy of being my son.' The other one, complete idiot, got so mad he literally grabbed the other's collar and shouted: 'Am I worthy or not?! Worthy or not!!!???' Miss my high school days.\At night, practicing stall selling in the square, next to me was a post-95 little girl selling small jewelry and miscellaneous items. Some creepy uncle squats to look at a gold chain, about a meter long, costing a few bucks. The little girl blurted out: 'Buy it, **essential must-have!' This is the climax! The creepy uncle slapped his thigh! 'Give me a meter!'\Today at work, I was playing on my phone! Talking Tom was on and the manager saw it! I didn't close the app, just pocketed it! Then the manager came over to question me! He scolded me, and the cat in my phone just repeated the phrase! The whole office burst out laughing. Should I quit, or should I quit?!\At the supermarket, I saw a four- or five-year-old little sister. She saw some instant cereal going headfirst and hugged a box happily shouting: 'I love this the most!' Her mom stood calmly behind and said: 'Have you ever eaten this before…'\Sharing something about a middle school classmate! Back in middle school, our school was close to home, so we walked every day. One day after school, my classmate saw a guy up ahead from behind and thought he looked like her dad, so she yelled: 'Dad!'As a result, the uncle turned his head, and sure enough, he wasn't his dad! So my silly classmate calmly walked past the uncle and loudly sang: Baba, Alibaba, Alibaba is a happy young man...
\A friend got into a science and engineering university and one day called me saying that there were over a hundred people in their department, and only the two of them were girls. I said I was envious and that must be so lucky. My friend sighed and said, indeed, only the two of them were girls, and I wasn't even the most beautiful girl in the department...
\I have a good friend who is a girl, and she has been short since she was young. Her parents were very worried. In her third year of middle school, the family heard that on New Year's Eve at midnight, if you find a thick tree, hug it tightly, and loudly say: “Big tree, big tree, you are my dad, I will grow taller and you will grow thicker,” you could grow taller. That day, her whole family was excited… they went downstairs to find the thickest tree. When she hugged the tree enthusiastically, she hit her head and shouted, “Big tree, big tree, I'm your dad, you grow taller, I will grow thicker”... Postscript: She has now graduated from university, and she's still the same height, only her weight............
\My brother told me this. His colleague has a son, eight years old, who likes to run around. The colleague bought him a kids' phone to hang around his neck. At mealtimes, he would call home. For the first few days it worked well—he would come home after the call. Then, after a few days, the son learned how to turn off the phone…
\Just now, I was chatting online with a female friend who sent me a recent photo. She weighs about 100 jin (around 50 kg) and is 170 cm tall, but when I first met her three years ago, she weighed 190 jin. I asked how she lost weight. She said it was pure starvation, only water and vegetable leaves, didn't eat anything else, not even fruit, fainted from hunger over ten times. Then she said it was the breakup words from her ex-boyfriend that motivated her: “You lying next to me every day looking like half a pig is really disgusting!” [Thanks to those vicious, sarcastic people]
\Last year, we raised a hamster at home. When my husband was feeding it, it suddenly bit him, causing him to bleed. Angry, my husband went to the hospital for an injection. After two hours, he came home and wanted to punish the hamster, but it had died, dead… its body was stiff, and my husband was very frustrated: TMD, you bit me, and now you're committing suicide out of guilt…
\The military doctors in grassroots units are all veterinarians - - - - damn it - - - - One time I got a fish bone stuck in my throat from eating, it didn't go down for two or three days, and in the end, I couldn't stand it, so I went to the medical team to see a doctor.The military doctor said, 'It's fine, just go back and make a bowl of instant noodles. Don't chew, just swallow it directly.' I went back to the unit and did as he said, but it didn't work, so I went to see him again. The military doctor asked, 'What kind of noodles did you make?' I answered, 'Kang Shuaifu Braised Beef Noodles!' The doctor said, 'No wonder, Kang Shuaifu doesn't work, the noodles are too soft. You need to eat Jinmailang's springy noodles!' Springy my ass……\Once, my ex-boyfriend and I were squeezing onto a bus. I was wearing a white dress, and my period unexpectedly came. My skirt got a big red stain, so I gave my boyfriend a pleading look, hoping he could help me cover it up. But instead… he picked me up and shouted, 'Wife, hang in there!! We're going to the hospital right now, this baby must be saved!!' Damn it… I will never ask him for help again!\A loving intern nurse here. The department leaders were just having a meeting. I helped the head nurse carry the chrysanthemum tea she had brewed over. The head nurse looked at the cup for a long time and said, 'Look at my chrysanthemum, how beautifully it blooms, it just doesn't sink.' At that moment, I must have gone brain-dead. I said, 'When the chrysanthemum sinks, in medical terms it's called prolapse.' Facing the strange looks from everyone in the meeting room… I thought it must be a dream.\Let me tell you about a friend. Last year, when we were taking the CET-4, several of us bought the answers. One of us was unfamiliar with the spot and ended up taking a seat in the middle of the last row, with the teacher standing there. Half an hour passed… an hour passed, and the teacher has incredible stamina. This guy couldn't hold it any longer, so he wiped the snot he had picked onto the desk and rubbed it back and forth with his hands. The teacher gave him a look as if she wanted to kick him away, and then walked to the middle to stand. This guy succeeded.\My husband and I usually joke around casually and mess around a lot. One day, we were in a store buying things. He was leaning on the cigarette counter choosing cigarettes, and I was strolling around the store. After a walk, I saw him still leaning there and was about to call him to leave, so I went over and pinched his butt hard—note, his butt. Damn it!! Who turned around was a horribly creepy, terrified middle-aged man. My husband was shocked, the store owner was shocked, and then… nothing else happened. I never went to that store again, not even to poop!\Here's an especially dramatic one. Most of our office was made up of new recruits just hired this time. Less than a month on the job, just now, a usually burly man fainted, and the whole department went crazy. The leader quickly came over. Our leader is almost fifty and was completely speechless!After he arrived, he decisively spat a mouthful of thick phlegm on the face of the guy who had fainted, and in an instant! Wow, it went quiet! Then the leader said, 'He's not pretending, hurry and get him to the hospital!!'... Not pretending...\In one sentence, my roommate was constipated, squatting for half an hour with no results, muttered curses, and came back saying: Damn, the amount that came out isn't even enough to stuff between teeth!...\In middle school, our class was responsible for cleaning the toilets, using those big brooms (as tall as a person, made of bamboo, yellow kind), so if it got poop on it, you couldn't even see it. Our English teacher had poor teeth, and every class he liked to break a small piece off the broom at the back of the classroom to pick his teeth! Looking at his expression of enjoyment, nobody told him...\Haha, it's hilarious, just now, a little boy on the bus asked his dad, 'Dad, do you wear a bra?' His dad said no, and the little boy casually said, 'Then why did you still wear mom's last night?' Haha, the whole bus was stifling in laughter!\Today I went to buy a bra with my son. I was looking at a few I liked and choosing colors. The sales assistant said it's up to what color I like. Then my son said, 'Mom, didn't dad say you should buy black? You don't wash it anyway.' Oh my!!! I wanted to disappear underground.\Here's something that just happened. I am a boss lady of a children's clothing store. Just now, a female customer came with a ten-year-old boy to buy clothes. While the boy was trying on clothes, the woman took a phone call, apparently telling someone her location, saying she was buying clothes for her sister's kid. Less than three minutes later, a man suddenly appeared holding a large bouquet of red roses, very gentlemanly, and gave it to the woman. She was very touched, and everyone present was so envious~ Immersed in joy and envy, the little boy suddenly said: 'Mom, this clothes is a bit big, let's go with the previous one.' The man's face instantly turned gray...\Speaking of which, a friend of mine was sick and went to a hospital affiliated with the railway bureau, needing an IV. The needle was given by an intern nurse, who poked his hand for a long time without hitting a vein. He was already grimacing in pain, so they had to call the head nurse. With skilled hands, the head nurse inserted the needle perfectly into the vein in one go, then took out the needle, handed it to the intern, and said, 'See it clearly? Now you try again...'Yesterday, my boss and I went on a business trip to Shenzhen and stayed in the same room. Just now, my wife sent me a voice WeChat message. When I opened it, I heard her voice was really loud: Honey, I heard there's a typhoon in Shenzhen. Be careful not to blow your penis away. My boss turned to look at the wall, feeling so awkward. I said, 'Honey, please don't be so silly.'
The first time I went to my mother-in-law's house, during dinner, my mother-in-law wanted to drink together. I couldn't hold my liquor, and a terrifying event happened: in front of my parents-in-law, I hugged my husband and told him I wanted to touch my little penis. The whole family was sweating!
Chinese class. Reciting poetry. Talking about color contrast. The teacher had just read a line from a certain poem: 'Red cherries, green plantains.' A mysterious person in the corner chimed in. Black wood ear mushrooms, soft bananas. The whole class burst into laughter. The teacher was furious... The consequences... I have a cousin, four years old this year. A few days ago, a relative came by with a two-year-old girl. My cousin really liked her, hugging and kissing her. At night, he rode his bike to comfort my little sister, who was so happy. She asked my cousin to give her a ride. That bike had no seat in the back, so I had no choice but to put the little girl on the bike bar in front. I waited for a long time but still didn't see my cousin ride the bike. I asked him, "Is it too heavy? I can't carry it." My cousin said to me, "Sister, your little sister sat on my little, it hurts so much." Can't ride a bicycle... Babies these days mature too early. Today I went to help out at my aunt's kindergarten, and after lunch, I watched cartoons with my little friends. A little boy ran over, sat next to me, hugged my face, kissed me, and said, 'Sister, I like you...... The climax was when a pretty girl calmly walked over, sitting between us with a gloomy look...... Yesterday, I went with colleagues to a remote village to mediate a divorce......... The man had been working away from home for over a year and had just returned home last week. After coming back, he suspected his wife was having an affair and had a child, and insisted on a divorce, but she stubbornly refused to admit it or agree to the divorce. They argued every day, and even the village officials couldn't help it. Yesterday, we went up to balabala and talked a lot, but the man absolutely refused to do it, insisting the woman was cheating on him! We asked him to provide evidence, and the man had no choice but to rush over and lift his wife's clothes, pinching her breasts, and immediately squirted milk! My colleagues, the village officials present, and I were petrified on the spot.
Two years ago, one day my house lost power and I went to the internet cafe to play Tower of Eion. I walked around the café and saw a boy about sixteen or seventeen playing there, and next to him, a guy around forty was also playing Tower of Eion. When I asked, he was in the same section as me, so he sat on the empty seat on the boy's side and played together. Just as I was playing, I saw the boy turn to the guy and say, "Big brother, do you think my gear is worth 100,000?" The guy glanced at him without saying a word. The boy called out "Big Brother" several times in a row, and the big guy got annoyed: "Who the hell are you calling!" The boy was stunned for a moment, then said in style, "Oh my, Dad!" .........
I just saw someone who won a fight at school and praised my dad. When I was in high school, my homeroom teacher was biased against me and deliberately made things difficult for me. Once, I got into a fight with him and was called to the academic office to criticize me, who told me to call my dad. Every time I called, it was a public phone. This time, I called at the academic office, and the teacher said everyone could hear the call on speakerphone. When it connected, he called out to Dad, then said he had fought with the teacher. Before I could call him to school, my dad asked, 'Did you win?' If you want to fight, at night you should wear a sack and fight. I said, 'Dad, I called the academic office.' My dad just said 'Oh,' and he made a mistake. I didn't even answer and hung up.
In senior year, during the homeroom teacher's class, the classroom was a bit hot, so the homeroom teacher took off his jacket while lecturing. No one paid attention to the teacher taking off his jacket, but halfway through, a boy in the back row suddenly shouted, "Take it off!" "Sir, you've got plenty of money!" The teacher immediately looked speechless
There was a girl in my class who had quite thick body hair but acted very ladylike in daily life. One day, while sweeping the floor, she bending over and covered her chest with her hand. Everyone was puzzled—was there a risk of wardrobe malfunctions at the airport?! The climax came, and the brothers behind said maybe they wanted to hide their chest hair... = =。
Background: The workplace rules forbid smoking in the corridor, no smoking in the office, and no smoking room because the leader doesn't smoke. We smokers had no choice but to go to the bathroom to smoke, especially when pooping, we happened to smoke one cigarette. Today, when we pooped, the leader came in and muttered, 'The bathroom smells so strong, don't smoke in the bathroom again.' After saying that, he knocked on my locked door, and I didn't say a word. The leader went into the next room, also in a large room. In the wind and rain, I suddenly heard him say, "Who's next door? Hand me the paper, I have no paper left!""I decisively wiped my butt, stood up, pulled up my pants, took out a whole roll of toilet paper, and walked out of the bathroom without saying a word. Over 20 minutes passed before the boss came back, and I have no idea which idiot brought him the toilet paper. Now I'm pretending to be innocent, holding it in and hurting inside.\ It's almost Qixi (Chinese Valentine's Day), and I've been wondering what gift my husband will give me. Yesterday, I happened to discover a black one-piece lingerie in my husband's bedside drawer! I was overjoyed—my husband actually gives gifts! When I put it on, the back is exposed, and the front perfectly separates my two mounds of flesh~~ Last night, when my husband came home, I put this outfit on while going to the toilet to seduce him~~ As soon as I appeared, his eyes lit up! Is this the climax? No! What my husband said is the climax! My husband said: 'Why are you wearing the tank top I gave my nephew?!'\ I'm female, and a newcomer joined my workplace, so I took it upon myself to guide the newcomer. During the New Year shift, the boss worried that I would be too lonely on duty, so she had the newcomer (female) also come on shift, just to keep me company and talk to me. Originally, she didn't need to be on duty, so I felt guilty... So I specifically bought some snacks that girls usually like, took them to the office in the afternoon, and we shared them, pretending to have a little tea party, and did some other similar gestures to show care for the newcomer. During the shift, the girl went to the bathroom, and I accidentally saw a text she sent to her boyfriend, beautifully written: 'It seems like this girl at the company has a thing for me...'"
