My classmate received a text from the scammer saying: "Dad, my boyfriend and I were taken away by ** while staying in a hotel room and need money. Please transfer 2000 yuan to XX account. This is someone else's phone number. If you have something, wait until I come out to tell you." ”。 After reading it, a classmate replied: 'Let's talk after I find your mom.'
I was like a tomboy in middle school, and few boys liked me, so I always had a bit of girlish fantasies and wasn't picky. One day, a good friend gave me a note to show me. It was written by a little boy, from another class. During class, I read it over and over. That boy had met before, knew each other, but didn't know each other. Looking at the note, Xiaolu was so flustered, probably just wanting to get to know each other or learning to encourage each other. Looking back now, it was nothing, and at the time, it felt like a love letter. He even replied to the note below, deliberately pretending to be cute and drawing a little picture. Finally, class ended. I thought, 'Let my good friend see it, since it's a message.' But then... My friend read it and said with a half-smile... It's written for me, so I'll show you... I was so embarrassed back then, and even now I have a bit of a dislike for love letters—it's even left a shadow.
I'm a boy, and my friend has a 4-year-old little girl. Once, my wife and a friend went out of town to buy goods and left early in the morning, leaving me to look after the little girl. When she woke up in the morning, I helped her put on her pants and wanted to take off her pajama pants. The climax came. She gripped her pajama pants tightly, looking at me with a worried gaze and said, "Uncle, can you not take off my underwear?" "Damn it, little girl, is uncle really that wicked?"
Here's a real story from our boss. The boss is in his fifties. A few years ago, he found a woman in her twenties to support her. Relatives and friends all know about this. His wife has been unwilling to divorce because of property division issues. In the past two years, the boss's daughter has grown up and, in her twenties, married a man in his fifties. During that time, our boss was anxious and upset, just as the saying goes, 'I'm a hero and a true man.'
I was on a business trip to Beijing with a young colleague. During a break at work, we went out to the street to look for food. Passing by the overpass, we saw a row of middle-aged women standing there, holding babies as cover, muttering softly: "Invoice, invoice......" The young colleague quickly grabbed me and whispered, "Old Hu, are you selling children?" "And there's a receipt?" "Husband: "I'm coming home tonight. I need to escort a drunken female colleague home with another colleague."Wife: "It can be delivered anywhere, just not on the bed."
Husband: "It's already on the bed. She's lying on the road, insisting that this is her bed."
Today on the bus, two elementary school students got on midway. From the start, they were whispering... A said, 'You say it.' B said, 'I don't dare, you say it.' They whispered for a long time, then A said, 'Let's say it together, I count 1-2-3.' 1~2~3~ and the two shouted together: 'Driver! Open the door!! We got on the wrong bus!!!' The whole bus burst out laughing. The driver probably laughed a lot too and, exceptionally, stopped the bus at the side so the two could get off. The two got off, holding hands, and disappeared into the night...
In most boarding school dorms, there are bunk beds, right? The person on the lower bunk always takes the brunt, right? Every move or shake from the upper bunk feels like an earthquake, or you mistakenly think someone is having sex, right? You can even hear a fart, right? The soundproofing is terrible, right? The most annoying thing is being scared half to death at night when the upper bunk's hanging blanket corner unexpectedly swings near you. My goodness, it feels like they're looming over me, don't play like that in the middle of the night!!!
I'm a nurse. Once, I was inserting a catheter for a male patient, and before I even inserted it, he came. Came~!!! Damn, he got excited that easily, without doing anything, and came~! How could I handle this ~
I have a male friend who is extremely handsome. Not long ago, a woman became really infatuated with him and confessed her feelings, but it didn't work out. The woman didn't give up. Within a few days, she found a man with the same name as him, and since then has lived a happy life~
One morning, I was almost late for school, but I hadn't eaten my noodles yet and urgently needed to go to the bathroom. Damn it, I had no choice but to handle both at once. So I closed the door and ate noodles while defecating... perfect solution.
Nokia once believed the Apple iPhone wasn't a threat because it was too expensive and failed basic drop tests. But what they didn't anticipate: if a phone is made really expensive, people generally wouldn't dare to drop it...
Wife: "Honey, today is our first wedding anniversary. How should we celebrate it?"
Husband: "What do you think we should do?"
Wife: "I want to hear your idea."
Husband: "How about just 'laugh it off'?"
Thief A: I absolutely need a pair of glasses.
Thief B: Why the sudden need for them?Thief A: Yesterday I broke into a mansion trying to open a safe. While turning the dial, there was suddenly a loud noise. It turned out… I was turning the radio!
On my way home from work, I passed by an elementary school. The alley was very quiet. Under a utility pole, I suddenly saw two kids, about fourth or fifth grade, passionately kissing. I was clearly shocked and froze like a statue. "What are you looking at? Are you so big and you've never seen kissing?" The boy fiercely broke the silence~~~
A male patient came to the clinic. A female doctor took him in and after the diagnosis, she had to attend to other patients waiting for injections and treatments, so she hurriedly told him: "Get on the bed, take off your clothes." Then she went to treat other patients. When she turned back to give him the injection, she found the man was about to take off the only shorts he had on. The female doctor said, "Why are you taking it all off?" The unlucky guy said, "You didn't say stop!"
A classmate shared a story from middle school. During class, a boy was sleeping face down on the desk. When the teacher noticed, he calmly said: "Seatmate, show some concern." Then the scene unfolded… The seatmate took off her own jacket and put it over the sleeping boy.
My girlfriend said to me: "From now on, you just need to handle laundry and cook. I'll earn money to support you!" I was extremely excited: "Great! Then what will you do to earn money?" My girlfriend said, "Open a restaurant or a laundry shop…"
A few days ago, my wife and I went to a KF, a small inn, where the soundproofing was very poor.
My wife was using that old-style computer to go online, and it was really slow. She fiddled with it for a long time, and we were both extremely anxious. I couldn't wait and said: "Honey, stop being online, come to me."
The voice was a bit loud. Unexpectedly, a small but clear voice came from next door: "Honey, I have the same idea as the person next door…"
Once, on a rainy day, I was romantically strolling and chatting with a friend on the lawn. Suddenly, I really needed to pee and poop, but the restroom was too damn far. Seeing my urgency, my friend quickly came up with a brilliant idea: "Dear, wear a raincoat. If you squat down, no one can see whether you're peeing or pooping! Come on, I'll stand guard for you~" At that moment, I was really touched~
Zhou Yu was jealous of Zhuge Liang, so he secretly prayed to heaven: "God, I am willing to trade twenty years of my life for the ability to predict the weather like Kongming."The next day when he woke up, he found that he had very severe arthritis...
Just now on the subway, a girl who is learning Japanese was on the phone saying: I really fear that if the People's Liberation Army attacks, after all these years of learning, I might have only learned a dialect...
My wife has recently become obsessed with fruit slicing. Yesterday she saw a video online of someone slicing fruit with their private parts and laughed out loud. She immediately told my wife. Because I have been severely staying up late recently, I fell asleep right after dinner. Around ten o'clock, the background music from the fruit woke me up, and in a daze, I felt private parts being shaken, I peeked secretly and couldn't help but burst out laughing.
On the bus, a man awkwardly asked the beautiful young woman next to him, 'Excuse me, where did you buy these shoes? I also want to buy a pair for my wife.' The young woman coldly told him: 'You better not buy them. Once you wear them, inappropriate men will find an excuse to talk to her.'
At lunch, a couple sat next to me. Near the end of the meal, the couple started arguing. The man said the woman was dark-skinned, and the woman, blushing angrily, said, 'I'm dark-skinned only because you men are jerks...' I turned to look, the woman was actually quite fair-skinned, and at that moment, I understood everything...
A husband is ambiguous with many women. This time the wife heard another rumor about him and yelled: 'Marriage is not a joke! How can you be so casual?' The husband hugged his wife and said, 'Dear, you must know those are just flings!' Hearing her husband's excuse, the wife became even more furious: 'I thought it was just a one-act play, but now it turns out to be a serialized drama! Will you ever stop?'
A beautiful woman posted online: ‘Whoever gives me the latest iPhone 5, I am willing to exchange my most precious thing.' Someone saw the post and was overjoyed, stayed in line all night, and bought an iPhone 5 to give to her. The beauty took the new phone and handed him an iPhone 4 in return: 'This is my most precious thing.'
During military training, the instructor always loved to blow the whistle for emergencies... Once after lunch he blew the whistle again. A male student was three minutes late. The instructor ordered the boy to stand outside the line and loudly explain the reason before he could rejoin. The boy said he was halfway through taking a dump and couldn't get out in time... Five seconds of silence. The instructor added: 'Next time you must finish immediately.' The strong-willed boy replied: 'Reporting to the instructor, it's loose; I can't finish immediately...'
At a tea party, a woman asked her neighbor: 'Who is that ugly person across the way?'The person next to me answered: 'He is my brother.' The woman felt very embarrassed, and after a while, she stammered, 'I'm really stupid. You two look so much alike, how could I not tell?'\Last night, my wife's back got bitten twice by mosquitoes. Now it's great, I can't tell the front from the back.\'You can't work without smoking?' 'Not really!' The range hood replied solemnly.\Yesterday, I went shopping with a friend, and a man came over and asked us: 'Do you know where McDonald's is?' I was silent for three seconds: 'I don't know smida.' Then I asked my friend, who replied: 'Go straight, don't turn, at the first intersection turn left, you can see it!'\I plan to get 'MARRY ME' tattooed on my chin during a long assignment trip. Then grow a big beard. At home, hide the ring. Then hand a razor to my girlfriend and say: 'Let's play human scratch-off lottery~'\In high school, each student got a name tag. Once, before an inspection, the class monitor ran into the classroom and shouted: 'Everyone, put on your bras quickly, inspection coming...' The whole class went silent.\One day, a few female colleagues visited another colleague's house and saw a little boy wearing open-crotch pants. They complimented him: 'Your little JJ is so cute!' The boy replied: 'My dad has a bigger one!'\I remember when I was in primary school, the class organized a picnic in the countryside. Passing by a cesspit, the surface was dry and hardened. After throwing a few pebbles to test it, a male classmate shouted: 'Light Gung, walking on water!' We heard a 'thud' as he sank into the pit, going completely under! The whole scene went silent...\I am an elementary school teacher, and I encounter various interesting answers when grading finals. One year, a question: change the following sentence into a personification sentence. The sentence was 'The bird is singing in the tree.' Most students conventionally wrote: 'The bird sings in the tree.' Suddenly, one answer read: 'The bird in the tree shouted: "I am a human! I am a human!"'\Many international students live off-campus in rented apartments. Near the school there is a community that covers water bills but not electricity, so... I have a physics friend researching hydroelectric power at home... now his lease got canceled...\I was at a GAC Toyota dealership with a friend. The owner highly recommended a promotional Camry, but my friend didn't like it because it had manual seats. The owner said: 'Personally, I think manual seats are better. Because when having car sex with a beautiful woman, manual seats can be flattened faster. Automatic seats are too slow. By the time they flatten, the cucumber is already cold!' I was instantly defeated!\We are high school students.My ex was very flirtatious. Last semester, he told me he had an identical twin brother. This semester, they would switch places. His brother would attend our school, and he would go to his brother's school. Later, I asked him if that meant we were breaking up. He said no, it's just that his brother didn't know me. At the beginning of this semester, he calmly got together with another woman. Men's imagination—can't really compliment it.
When I was little, our family was very poor. When I was sick, my mom bought a can of food for me. That night, my dad got drunk, came home, and lay in the yard. I didn't understand what was happening, so I cried and yelled that dad was dead and ran to open the can I didn't want to eat and fed it to him bite by bite, crying the whole time, saying, 'Dad is dead.' Later, after dad finished the can, he got up and went to sleep. I was left with tears in my eyes, not knowing what to do. During the whole process, my mom was sitting on the steps laughing. Well, taking advantage of my young age.
