A long time ago, I had a pound of integrity. That was a long time ago 4 [Repost]

I heard a saying: 'The key to getting along with a girl is: if she is inexperienced in the world, show her all the splendor of life; if she has been through hardships, take her to ride a merry-go-round.'\Godly reply: The key to getting along with a man is: if he is just discovering love, undress for him; if he has experienced many people, stay by the stove.\A female colleague at our office took the bus to the bank yesterday. On the bus, there was a young woman dressed very flashily. A pervert approached, stood behind her, and kept making physical contact. The woman was furious, turned around, and cursed loudly: 'Get your hand out of my face!!' At that moment, the bus went silent. After a few seconds of awkward silence, the perverted man replied: 'One J8.'\The deputy general asked the general whether to pursue the victory. The general said a word agreeing to pursue, but the army did not move. Why?\The general said: Pursue! (pursue the J8)\A reporter asked, 'Obama, would you invite Romney to be Secretary of State?' Obama replied: 'Worth considering! That way we can join forces to build a Nima America.'\(This is a godly reply~) We are now a sharp China.\Wu Fansheng, manly man, 3-25 17:13 reply (I instantly understood)\What is your view on 'love'?\Answer: I have no view, but I have a lot of practice. A classmate's friend went to try out as a pilot. He passed everything until the final medical check. They asked him to take off his pants to examine his penis. Just this one step, the guy was disqualified; the examiner thought his testicles were uneven and said it would affect the airplane's balance.\A guy just got a girlfriend, and things progressed naturally, a fiery passion. One day, while they were having sex, he kept whispering: 'Safe in and out, safe in and out.' His girlfriend was confused. The guy weakly explained: 'There is no condom left, I'm afraid of causing a fatal accident...'\I just saw a scammer calling about a court summons, reminding me of a classmate. Scammer: 'Hello, I am from the Intermediate People's Court of XX city. We have a summons for you.' The classmate turned to his dormmate and asked confusedly: 'A boat ticket? We didn't book any boat tickets...'\A guy works at a nightclub at home. One night, nothing was happening, so he opened a private room to watch TV. A friend came to deliver something, and he dragged the friend to watch the game and insisted on betting. After the game, the friend won and left. The younger brother came in, saw his older brother's bad mood, and didn't dare laugh. The friend scolded: 'Have you never seen anyone lose a bet before?'"My little brother said, 'I've seen it, but I haven't seen a replay of gambling.'"\Writing in the bathroom: Looking for a one-night stand with a girl. It's not impossible, but writing it in the men's room — will there be a chance?\Renting a place off-campus with a few classmates, it was my turn to cook lunch. Meanwhile, they were all playing poker in the living room. I got angry and shouted: 'I work so hard, and no one helps me!' Then they lined up and each tapped my hand once.\Old Liu was an underground intelligence agent, with a strong and unyielding **will and spirit. Due to betrayal, he was captured by the enemy and tortured for days, yet he didn't say a word. The enemy lost patience and said, 'Speak, your last words can be your epitaph.' Knowing he was going to die, he showed no fear, looked fiercely at the enemy, took a deep breath, and said, 'F*** your mom! Why are you only tearing the tape now!'\There was an American math professor who was terrified of flying. After studying nearly 20 years of statistics, he found that the probability of terrorists carrying bombs onto planes was actually very low, but he still wasn't reassured. He studied further and found that the probability of two people carrying bombs onto a plane at the same time was almost zero. So from then on, whenever he flew, he carried a bomb himself.\One night in the dorm, we boringly discussed the topic of French kissing. My roommate on the top bunk suddenly asked, 'Is French kissing something modern? Did people in ancient times do this?' Just as everyone was lost in thought over this profound question, the quietest and flirtatious guy in the dorm suddenly said in a soft voice: 'Zhuge Liang debating with scholars~~~'\A friend of mine drives wedding cars. Once he drove a stretched Lincoln. After attending a wedding, on the way back at lunch he had some drinks, and at a toll station, there was a random inspection. He was quick-witted, and when the ** came over, he rolled down the window a bit and mysteriously said, 'The leader is resting in the back....' After hearing this, the **tightly tensed, silently waved his hand, and let him pass~~~~\Someone had a car accident on a busy street, and immediately a crowd gathered. The person, dazed, sat up and said, 'Where am I?' A street vendor said, 'Sir, local map, 5 yuan each!'\One day a boyfriend and girlfriend went to a hotel. The foreplay was almost done, and just as they were about to do the main thing, the girl said: 'Gently, it's my first time.' The guy, surprised, said, 'What a coincidence! It's my first time too, I'll be gentle.'The woman frowned: 'You're joking, men always say that, but every time it hurts so much.' The man said: 'Don't worry, that's because they lack experience.'\World War II, an American soldier was shot in the testicles on the battlefield. The bullet passed through his testicles and entered the abdomen of a female doctor who was rescuing the wounded on the battlefield. Later, this female doctor surprisingly gave birth to a healthy 8-pound baby boy. During surgery, the doctor removed a fragment of the bullet, which carried sperm into her ovary, causing conception. In the end, the soldier and the female doctor got married; now that's what you call a real unexpected pregnancy.\After finishing the meal and about to pick his teeth, a group of CCAV reporters rushed over: 'Hello, sir, hello, may we ask you a few questions...' 'I'm happy!' I instinctively answered. The reporter's face slightly reddened: 'Not that...' 'The happiest thing is I got a raise this month!' Reporter: 'Also not that...' 'Unity and effort for development, contributing in our posts, joyfully welcoming the conference!' The reporter stared at me in astonishment, then said sharply: 'Thank you!'\When a girl is neither beautiful, nor has a good figure, nor is cute, and also not very gentle, we generally call her: hehe… kind.\On a dark and windy night, a drug dealer was making a deal with a gang boss. The dealer took out a black suitcase, placed it on the table, opened it, and saw it was full of drugs. The dealer said to the gang boss: 'Fair trade! Pay upon inspection!' The gang boss became furious, pulled out a gun, aimed at the dealer, and shouted while firing: 'You're the real scum!'\A mother, upon discovering her son was a thief, warned him: 'Whatever you do, don't go steal in the north. I heard people there always say things like, “Thief's mom is fucked up,” “Thief's mom is vulgar,” “Thief's mom is perverted,” “Thief's mom is trash.” I, as your mom, would be so embarrassed!'\Officer: 'Report to the chief, I've cornered that criminal and he escaped into Secretary Lan's house.' Chief: 'Why didn't you follow him inside?' Officer: 'I had empty hands, it would be awkward to enter a leader's house...'\That's all for now; no more traffic. For the next few days, I'll just lurk.