One day, a person from Xinjiang, a person from Hunan, and a person from Henan went out on a boat trip. Suddenly, a fierce storm struck, and they were washed onto an island by the waves. Unfortunately, they were immediately caught by the island's cannibalistic natives. The native chief said to them: 'If you find twenty of your favorite things on the island and bring them back, you will not be killed.' The three of them hurried off in different directions to search.
The person from Xinjiang returned first, bringing twenty blocks of rice cake. The native chief issued the order: 'Stuff the rice cakes into your anus, no crying and no laughing, or you will be killed!' The Xinjiang man had no choice but to obey. When he reached the nineteenth block, he couldn't bear the pain and cried out, and as a result, he was killed.
The person from Hunan returned next, bringing twenty chili peppers. The chief gave the same order. The Hunan man obeyed, and when he reached the nineteenth chili, he suddenly couldn't help himself and laughed, and he too was killed.
After arriving in heaven, God asked him: 'Isn't a chili small? Under those circumstances, you could have saved your life. Why did you suddenly laugh?' The Hunan man replied: 'Damn it! I saw the Henan man brought back twenty iron manhole covers~~~'
The poem goes:
No promise of return, braised eggplant and oil-braised chicken. Picking mulberries and chrysanthemums in the east fence in the high autumn, still remembering that pot of boiled fish. A tree of pear blossoms presses down the crabapple, stir-fried green peppers with fatty intestines. Once the vast sea has been crossed, no other water can compare, shredded pork with garlic sauce paired with chicken legs. Meeting is hard, parting is hard, steamed crabs should not be salted. In heaven, may we be like a pair of birds flying wing to wing, today we must eat shrimp dumplings. Asking how much sorrow one can have, cumin teppanyaki fatty beef. If heaven had feelings, it would age too, two big kidneys grilled over fire~
A couple was kissing in the park. A nearby child kept watching and watching. Then the man said: 'Little friend, I'll give you one yuan to go buy some food, please stop staring, okay?' The child casually took out ten yuan from his pocket and said: 'I'll give you ten yuan, can you let me keep watching?'
Well played.
A few days ago, I received a strange text: 'We should break up, let's not contact each other anymore.' I guessed it was a breakup message sent to the wrong person. Out of kindness, I replied: 'You sent it to the wrong person; I don't know you.' Shortly after, I received another message: 'Well played.'
Any gains?
The manager asked casually: 'Xiao Ming, how have you felt since you joined the company? Have you gained anything?'"Xiaoming thought for a moment and said, 'When I first joined the company, I didn't know anything at all.' The manager asked again, 'And now?' Xiaoming replied seriously, 'Now I still don't know anything...'
Dad really understands me
Dad, after drinking too much, asked me, 'Yuyu, is anyone chasing you?' I said, 'Yes, there are too many people chasing me, I'm still picking!' Dad suddenly laughed and said, 'I just like Yuyu's personality in our family, no one is chasing you, and you can still brag!'
Children are definitely talented
When I was little, about second grade. The teacher assigned homework: 'P45, second paragraph, copy it 5 times.' The next day, a classmate submitted the homework as follows:
P45 second paragraph
P45 second paragraph
P45 second paragraph
P45 second paragraph
P45 second paragraph
Watch your words next time
Today I accidentally overheard a conversation between a man and a woman.
Man: 'Honey, I just saw a woman, she was beautiful and had long legs, obviously a flight attendant.'
Woman: 'Really? I'll give you another chance, say it again.'
Man: 'Ah, yes, honey, I just saw an old lady, dressed gaudily, long legs, obviously a prostitute.'
Woman: 'Mm, watch your words next time…'
"No intense activities on the lawn"
College is really a place with culture. Even a notice sign can be so subtle. Take one day at a time; if you can sneak a glance at a woman offering incense, that's already great. As for anything further, that's the blessing only a senior monk would have, which one dares not hope for.
The benefits of chewing Extra
A few days ago, I watched "Love Contract." When Eddie Peng appeared with six-pack abs, the whole theater gasped… A guy in the front row said bitterly, 'Damn, this guy got that from chewing Extra...' This line became the highlight of the movie.
Smoke less
A few days ago, I felt tightness in my chest, so I went to see the doctor. The doctor looked at my X-ray, frowned, and said, 'You should smoke less from now on.' Although a bit puzzled, I still followed the doctor's advice. When I got home, I bought several packs of cigarettes and started learning to smoke.
One sentence to prove you've read the Four Great Classical Novels
The strategist saves me, my sister saves me, my brother saves me, Wukong saves me!
Brain flooded
'Honey, why do I feel especially beautiful every time I get out of the shower?' 'Because your brain is flooded.' 'Go away!'"Snail, you actually dare to overtake my car!" A friend who had been stuck in traffic for hours finally couldn't take it anymore. He flew into a rage, opened the car door, and took out a long baseball bat. Everyone stuck in traffic watched him in shock, as he furiously smashed a snail on the ground while shouting: 'I've tolerated you for a long time! Following me from Fengqing intersection all the way to Wenhua intersection, and you actually still dare to overtake my car!' (Person.) Huge breasts~
