I am an orphan, perhaps the result of a preference for sons over daughters, or perhaps the product of fleeting love without responsibility. It was Zheye who took me home. That year, when he was returning to the city from the countryside as part of a policy implementation, he saw me by a heap of garbage at the station—a beautiful, quiet little baby girl. Many people were around, but he stepped forward, and the baby smiled brightly at him. He gave me a home and a beautiful name, Tao Yao. Later, he said that my smile back then truly deserved the words ‘Peach Tree Tender and Blossoming, Radiantly Flourishing.'
Zheye's life was extremely tragic. His parents were both scholars who returned to China but could not escape the Cultural Revolution; in their anger and despair, they both passed away. Naturally, Zheye could not avoid misfortune either: he was sent to the countryside and parted ways with his long-time girlfriend, Lao Yan. From then on, he was alone until, at the age of 35, when he returned to the city, he found me. I called Zheye 'Uncle.'
My childhood memories are mostly happy, except for one incident. When I was in school, a few mischievous boys in my class called me a 'bastard.' I cried and went home to tell Zheye. The next day, he intentionally picked me up after school and asked those boys, 'Who said she was a bastard?' The little boys, seeing the tall and burly Zheye, didn't dare to speak. Zheye sneered: 'If anyone dares to say that again and I hear it, I'll beat him up!' Someone murmured, 'She's not even your child, she's a bastard.' Zheye held my hand, turned to smile, and said: 'But I treasure her even more than my own daughter. Who dares to stand up and show me whose clothes are prettier than hers? Whose shoes or schoolbag are nicer than hers? She drinks milk and eats bread every morning—what do you eat?' The children immediately felt discouraged. From then on, no one ever called me a bastard again. Thinking back on this episode when I grew older always made me smile.
Compared to ordinary orphans, my life has been quite fortunate. My favorite place was the study, full of books. Under the bright windows was Zheye's desk. When the sun shone, his focused, elegant profile looked like a backlit painting. I would always find something to read and settle into the sofa. After a while, Zheye would glance back at me, and his smile was warmer than the winter sunlight outside the window. When I got tired, I would lie on his shoulder and quietly watch him draw and write. He would smile and ask, 'When you grow up, will you do my work?' I would pout and say, 'No way—being out in the sun so much would make me so dark and dirty!'
Ah, I forgot to mention, Zheye is an architect. But the wind and sun never harmed his appearance. He is always graceful, tidy, and elegant. From time to time, there were women who wanted to enter Zheye's life.When I was eight years old, there was a time when Zheye almost talked about marriage with a woman. That woman was a teacher, shrewd and beautiful. I don't know why, but I didn't like her; I always felt that her smile looked pasted on her face. When Zheye was around, she smiled at me sweetly and gently; when he wasn't, the smile would disappear like magic. I was afraid of her. One day, I was on the balcony looking at picture books, and she asked me: 'Where are your biological parents? Haven't they come to see you even once?' I was stunned, looking at her, not knowing what to say. She clicked her tongue and said again, 'This child is foolish; no wonder they don't want you.' I froze. Suddenly, Zheye came over with a dark expression, took my hand, and silently led me back to the room. That night, I cried alone under the covers. Zheye came in, held me, and said, 'Don't be afraid, Yaoyao, don't cry.' After that, we never saw that woman come to our house again. Later, I heard Zheye's good friend Qiu Fei ask him why things had ended again. Zheye said, 'This woman is not upright; if I married her, Yaoyao wouldn't have a good life.' Qiu Fei said, 'You still can't forget Ye Lan.' As an eight-year-old, I firmly remembered this name. When I grew up, I learned that Ye Lan was Zheye's girlfriend back then. We always depended on each other for survival. Zheye handled everything well, including helping me go through my adolescence smoothly and healthily. After I got into university, because the school was far from home, I stayed in the dormitory and only came home on weekends. Sometimes Zheye would ask me, 'Do you have a boyfriend yet?' I would just smile and stay silent. There were indeed a few outstanding boys at school who liked to hang around me, but I didn't fancy any of them: Jia was tall and handsome but, unfortunately, had poor grades; Yi was good at studies and eloquent but quite plain in appearance; Bing was good-looking and did well in studies, but his temperament was that of a rough man... I seldom talked to male classmates. In my eyes, they were all immature and shallow, always trying to show the best side of themselves in front of others in such a noticeable way that it seemed rather forced. On my twentieth birthday, Zheye gave me a gift: a ruby ring. He had already bought me such small pieces of jewelry before, saying, 'When girls grow up, they need a few decent things to decorate themselves.' After dinner, he accompanied me shopping, buying whatever I liked immediately. After returning to school, my sensitive self noticed that classmates liked to gossip about me behind my back. I didn't take it to heart, because due to my background, I was already used to people talking about me.Until one day, a close female classmate pulled me aside privately: 'They say you have a boyfriend who is much older than you?' I was baffled: 'Who said that?' She said: 'Apparently several people have seen you two, very affectionate while shopping! They say no wonder you can't stand these poor boys, turns out you were relying on Kong Fang-brother!' I thought for a moment, my face slowly turning red, and after a while I smiled and said: 'They misunderstood.' I didn't explain. I quietly sat and read, the heat on my face lingering for a long time.
On the weekend, I went home, as usual to do a thorough cleaning. Zheye's room was very tidy, and a wool sweater he often wore was draped over the edge of the bed. It was a beige coffee color, with a ribbed collar. When I bought it, I originally had my eye on a gray V-neck one, but I chose this one. At that time, Zheye smiled and said, 'Alright, as you wish. Looks like little Yaoyao thinks I'm too old and wants me to dress younger.'
I slowly folded the sweater, smiling as I thought about some trivial matters. In the following period, I noticed that Zheye's spirits were very high; he walked with a light, brisk step, and occasionally hummed some songs. He was a bit like he was back when I got into college. I was puzzled.
On Friday, I received a call from Zheye, asking me to return home earlier to go out and have dinner together. He shaved and changed clothes. I suspiciously asked: 'Someone introduced you a girlfriend?' Zheye laughed: 'I'm already an old man, why would I talk about girlfriends? It's you, Uncle Qiu, and another longtime friend. You can just call her Aunt Ye.' I knew, that must be Ye Lan.
On the way, Zheye told me that some time ago, through Qiu Fei, he got in touch with Ye Lan. Her husband had passed away a few years ago, and upon meeting again this time, everything felt fine. If nothing unexpected happened, they were planning to get married. I responded absentmindedly, gradually feeling my feet getting cold, spreading slowly upward.
At the restaurant, I objectively observed Ye Lan: slightly plump, but not bulky; there were still traces of youthful charm in her brows and eyes. Compared to women of the same age, she undoubtedly had advantages. But standing next to the imposing Zheye, she looked much older. She treated me very well, very kindly, with an affectionate look that loved everything related.
When we got home, Zheye asked me: 'What do you think of Aunt Ye?' I said: 'Since you are planning to marry, of course I say she's good.' I kept my eyes open until dawn before falling asleep.
Back at school, I fell ill. I had a fever, stubbornly refusing to miss classes, feeling my head heavy and feet light, until finally collapsing in the classroom.I woke up lying in the hospital, hooked up to an IV, with Zheye sitting beside me reading a book. I smiled wearily: Where am I? Zheye nervously reached out to touch my head: Finally awake. You had a viral flu that turned into pneumonia. You child, always so careless. I smiled: If you're going to get sick, what can you do to avoid it? Apart from work, Zheye was always at the hospital. Every time I woke up from a deep sleep, I would immediately look for him; only when I saw him could I feel at ease. I overheard him on the phone with Ye Lan: Yaoyao is sick, I haven't had time for the past few days. I'll contact you once she gets better. I smiled bitterly; if getting sick made him stay by my side every day, then I might as well remain sick. I stayed in the hospital for a week before going home. Zheye set up a sofa at my bedroom door and lay on it at night; whenever I made the slightest movement, he would get up to check on me. I remembered when I was smaller, my little bed was in Zheye's room. At night, when I needed to go to the bathroom, I would get up on my own, but Zheye always heard quickly and helped me turn on the light, saying: Be careful, Yaoyao. It wasn't until I started elementary school that I slept alone. Ye Lan bought a large bunch of flowers and fruits to visit me. I politely thanked her. Her cooking was delicious, but I couldn't eat. I went back to my room early to lie down. I dreamed. I dreamed that Zheye and Ye Lan finally got married. They were both very young. Ye Lan looked beautiful in a white wedding dress, while I, at my age, was surprisingly playing the role of a flower girl. Zheye smiled happily but didn't look back at me once. I could clearly smell the lily fragrance drifting from the bride's bouquet... I suddenly sat up and woke. After a while, I lay back down, closing my eyes in despair. In the darkness, I heard Zheye come in, then the bedside lamp turned on. He sighed: What were you dreaming about? Why are you crying so hard? I pretended to sleep, but tears flowed like a dripping faucet, running down the corners of my eyes toward my ears. Zheye's warm fingers repeatedly wiped away the tears, but they wouldn't stop. This illness lasted over ten days. Once I recovered, both Zheye and I had lost a lot of weight. He said: It's better to stay at home. The dorm at school is full of people, and the air isn't good. He rode his motorcycle to pick me up every day. Pressed against his back, my heart always swung from joy to sadness. After that, Ye Lan never came to our house again. After a very long time, I finally realized that Ye Lan, like that female teacher, was also a thing of the past. I graduated smoothly and got a job.I lived happily and peacefully, without distractions, just me and Zheye. Since I could say nothing, maintaining the status quo was fine. But heaven was unwilling to grant me such long-lasting happiness. Zheye fainted at the construction site. The doctor diagnosed late-stage liver cancer. I was heartbroken, yet I still calmly asked the doctor: How much time is left? The doctor said: a year, maybe a little longer. I took Zheye home. He did not stay in bed; during the day I went to work, hired an hourly caregiver, and at noon and night, I took care of him myself. Zheye smiled and said: See, I'm holding you back, we should have been out dating as a couple. I also smiled: Dating? That doesn't matter much, we have time. Every day after dinner, Zheye and I went out for a walk. I held his arm. Although he was thinner than before, he was still tall and handsome. To outsiders, this seemed like a picture of family happiness, but only I could see the cruel reality beneath the beautiful facade. I was clearly sad, vividly seeing our last days slipping away rapidly. Zheye calmly continued with his daily life—reading and designing blueprints. The hourly worker said he spent most of the day in the study. I grew more fond of the study. After meals, we always brewed a cup of tea, sat facing each other, played chess or a round of poker, and then I helped Zheye organize his materials. He set aside a pile of things I was not allowed to touch. Out of curiosity, one day while he was away, I peeked. It was several thick volumes of his diary. 'Yaoyao grew two permanent front teeth; after work I went to pick her up and she rushed to me wanting to be held.' 'For Yaoyao's tenth birthday, she wished for Zheye to stay young forever. I laughed, little Yaoyao truly was a blooming flower in my lonely life.' 'Today I took Yaoyao to register at university; she took initiative in everything, only then did I realize she had grown into a beautiful young woman, while I was going gray. I hope her life is not as lonely as mine.' 'Qiu Fei told me about Ye Lan's current situation, but meeting her was not as thrilling as I imagined. She has aged a lot, though her youthful elegance remains. She showed she still had some affection for me.' 'Yaoyao has pneumonia. While asleep she kept calling my name, but when awake she only shed tears for me. I was shocked. I did not expect that marrying Ye Lan would affect her so much.' 'After sending Yaoyao to school and returning, I felt a chilly back; taking off my clothes, I saw a large wet patch. Ah, this child.'“The doctor announced that I only had a year left to live, and I was fearless, but Yao Yao was a huge matter for me. After I die, how to let her live a healthy and happy life is my top concern.” … I held the diary in my hands, tears streaming down my face. So he knew, he really knew. A few days later, that stack of notebooks disappeared. I knew Zheye had dealt with it. He didn't want me to know that he knew my thoughts, but he didn't know that I already knew. Zheye passed away in the spring of the next year. On his deathbed, he held my hand and said: I originally wanted to personally hand you over to a good boy, but I only saw him help you put on the ring before leaving, too late now. I smiled. He had forgotten that my ring was bought for me by him when I was twenty. In the desk drawer was a letter from him, just a few brief sentences: Yao Yao, I am gone. You can think of me, but do not remember me all the time. Your ability to live a calm and peaceful life is the greatest comfort to me. Uncle. I didn't cry uncontrollably. In the middle of the night, I seemed still to hear him say: Be careful, Yao Yao. While tidying up things in the study, I found a dusty clay pot in the corner of the cabinet. It was very simple and charming. I took it out, cleaned it, and froze in place. There was no decoration on it, only four lines in the Yan style: You were born when I was not yet born, I was born when you were already old. Wishing we were born at the same time, to spend every day happily with you. At that moment, my tears finally flowed uncontrollably.
