There was a man from the state of Chu who sold shields and spears. He boasted about his shield, saying, 'My shield is incredibly strong; nothing sharp can pierce it.' He also boasted about his spear, saying, 'My spear is extremely sharp; it can pierce anything solid.' Then someone asked him, 'Can you sell me your spear and shield together at a discount?'
A long time ago, a farmer encountered a hare that had run into a tree. Later, the farmer and the hare lived a happy life together. This story reached the ears of another farmer, so he went to wait under a tree as well. But he waited for a long time and did not encounter anything. Later, he dug a hole in the tree and lived a life of [xing] horse [f u] race [kuai] le.\ This is implied. By estimation, fewer than three people understand it~
Sun Jing went to study at the Taixue in Luoyang. He read from morning till night and often forgot to eat or sleep. After a long time, he got so tired that he would doze off, so he found a rope, tied one end to a beam and the other to his hair. When he nodded off while reading, the rope would pull his hair and hurt his scalp, naturally waking him up. Not long after, Sun Jing became bald and wore a wig every day to be a spokesperson for a Boss Shampoo ad.
The young Kuang Heng was very studious, but his family was poor and could not afford candles. The neighbor's house was very wealthy and had shining candlelight every day. Kuang Heng then drilled a hole in the neighbor's wall, letting the candlelight shine into his own house. So every night, Kuang Heng borrowed this light and used the neighbor's Wi-Fi.
One day, during court, Zhao Gao had a deer brought and said to the second emperor of Qin, 'Your Majesty, I offer you a fine horse.' Emperor Qin II thought: This is not a horse; it's clearly a deer! So he laughed and said to Zhao Gao, 'Prime Minister, you are mistaken; this is a deer!' Zhao Gao said, 'Your Majesty, if you do not believe me, you can ask the other ministers.' Then Emperor Qin II kicked Zhao Gao to the ground and said, 'Your biology teacher died early.'
Tian Ji liked horse racing but could never beat King Wei of Qi. Sun Bin told him, 'Place a bet with a thousand gold pieces, and I have a way for you to win.' Tian Ji agreed and bet a large sum. Sun Bin said, 'Match your top horse against his middle horse, your middle horse against his bottom horse, and your bottom horse against his top horse, and you will win.' Tian Ji followed this plan, and in the first race, he used his top horse against the king's middle horse, but the result… was still a loss.King Qi said softly to Tian Ji, 'You guys, Naive.'
After Zhao Kuangyin took over the world, he worried that his ministers might rebel, so he invited them to drink. When the wine had gone halfway, the Taizu said: 'If one day, your subordinates put a yellow robe on you and support you to be emperor, even if you do not want to rebel, can you still stop them?' After hearing this, Shi Shouxin felt enlightened: 'Why didn't you say this earlier?' The next day, the Northern Song dynasty fell.
It is said that Sima led his army to a crushing defeat of Ma Su and reached Xi City. When he arrived at the city tower, he saw Kong Ming sitting on the tower playing the qin, with boys from Xi City accompanying him. The city gate was wide open with no one inside. Sima Yi chuckled, 'How could petty tricks fool me? This guy must be using the Empty City Stratagem.' He intended to lead his army into the city, but just as he reached the gate, he turned around and said, 'Can someone lend me 148 bucks? This lousy place actually charges an entrance fee!' Should have brought a mom here.
Meanwhile, Guan Yu withdrew his troops from Fancheng and retreated to Maicheng. Lü Meng crossed the river in white clothes and drove straight in. Standing under the city, Lü Meng first shouted a challenge: 'Why is your face red?' 'Full of spirit!' Lü Meng asked again: 'Why is it yellow now?' 'Wax for preventing cold!' Lü Meng further asked: 'Why is your hat green?' Guan Yu was extremely ashamed and fled with only about ten riders.\After all these years, have you noticed that Brother Guan wore a green hat? Diao Chan, what's wrong with you~
The North Wind and the Sun were very good friends, but one day they argued about who was stronger and neither would yield. So they decided to compete to see who could make a passerby take off their coat first. The North Wind blew fiercely, but the passerby wrapped his coat even tighter. The Sun mocked the North Wind's incompetence and then shed a warm sunlight. As a result, the passerby rushed up, beat the Sun up, and put him in a bundle. The Sun was terrified: 'Who are you?!' The answer was: 'Kua Fu.'
A crow was looking for water everywhere and found a bottle. But the bottle didn't have much water, and its mouth was small, so the crow couldn't drink it. What to do? The crow had a clever idea: it went to the river and brought many small stones, putting them into the bottle one by one. When the water level rose, it could drink! A little bird asked the crow: 'Crow, crow, why don't you go drink by the river?' Then the crow... just died.
The crow saw the water in the bottle was about to be drinkable and was very happy, when a scavenger came over, emptied the stones from the cup, and took the bottle away. The crow said, 'Are you fucking kidding me?'
Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Ma Liang who received a magical brush as a gift when recharging his phone. Everything he painted came to life. This matter caught the attention of the imperial court, and the emperor sent people to arrest him, ordering him to paint a dragon. Sure enough, the dragon really flew, scaring Ye Gong to death. The emperor then asked him to paint a snake. After Ma Liang finished, he added legs to the snake, and later Ma Liang became the first person to discover lizards and won the Nobel Prize in Biology.
My wife cheated on me. Don't ask me how I found out... because just now when I kissed my wife, her mouth was full of the taste of our neighbor Old Zhang's genitals...\On the street, I saw a pair of student lovers. Their height difference was quite big. The boy smiled and slightly bent down to pat the girl's head, his eyes full of love. With the sunset, it was such a beautiful scene. But then the girl lifted her leg and kicked him, shouting: "qnmlgb, don't touch my bangs!"\The first time my wife and I stayed at a Home Inn hotel, I got a membership card and then gave it to my wife. On Valentine's Day, we stayed there again. After checking out, Home Inn sent a message saying my card had been upgraded to a Gold Card. I was so happy... so happy...\Every time I see high school and middle school students dating, I always advise them: Kids, you still have a long way to go in life. At your age, it's the time to study. Don't follow bad habits. It's not too late to date when you're as old as your uncle. Listen to your uncle and let us have them first, okay?
