A man had just lit a cigarette, ready to enjoy it, when his wife suddenly said, 'Husband, smoking can cause premature ejaculation in men!' The man was furious: 'How is that possible?!' Saying this, the man put the cigarette into the ashtray, pulled his wife over, and angrily had sex three times! Afterwards, the man picked up the half-burned cigarette and continued smoking.
In the middle of the night, the man was sweating profusely while busy in bed! Suddenly, he received a call from a neighbor: 'Are you done yet? Stop making your wife scream! The whole neighborhood can hear you!' The man hurriedly stopped and apologized to the neighbor: 'Sorry! I'm on a business trip in Dongguan, I'll talk to her when I get back tomorrow!'
'I'm back.' He put down his bag. She sat on the sofa, as elegant as ever. 'It wasn't hard.' He could see from her bright eyes what she wanted to say, and she had been unable to speak since birth. 'Having you is enough.' He held her hand and kissed her rosy cheek. 'What are we eating today? Instant noodles?' He hugged her, feeling tender: 'Be good, I'm going to eat noodles now, after eating, I'll pump you up!'
At night, the husband got an erection and asked his wife, 'Shall we wash it or is the stick ready?' The wife said: 'No water, we'll wash it tomorrow.' The husband angrily went to sleep. In the middle of the night, the wife became aroused, climbed onto her husband, and said, 'The water is here, borrow the stick.' The husband said, 'No! Just soak it yourself.'
At two in the afternoon, the wife was about to give birth and the pain was unbearable! The doctor recommended the newly developed 'Pain Transfer Device' to the husband, which could transfer the wife's childbirth pain to the father. The husband agreed! Two hours later, the child was successfully born! But the husband felt no pain at all, which greatly surprised the doctor. The next day, the wife received tragic news from her company: her husband had suddenly experienced severe whole-body pain at 2 p.m. the previous day, triggering a myocardial infarction, and died!
A second-generation rich kid, in order to find true love, said to the black wood ear: 'Even if my father is rich, that money is not mine. After I sign the agreement, I can give up the inheritance!'After hearing this, Black Fungus did not leave the rich heir. Years later, Black Fungus actually became the rich heir's stepmother! The following year, Black Muer gave birth to a son and inherited the entire family fortune! The rich second-generation had to work odd jobs everywhere, struggling to support his biological mother. A few years later, after the rich second-generation's father died, the rich second-generation was kept by Black Muer, living a blissful and blissful life—reality... The woman was watching an acrobatic performance. A handsome male actor put the penis into the crocodile's mouth and struck the crocodile head fiercely with a stick. The brilliant performance won cheers from the audience! The male actor asked, "Which audience member dares to come up and give it a try?" The beauty stood up and shouted, "I dare!" But you can't hit me on the head! ” 。。。。。。
After being played by the tall, handsome, wealthy guy, the goddess mercilessly abandoned him! At that moment, the goddess remembered the loser and called him to cry. The loser bought eggs and noodles and went to the goddess's house to comfort him. Diaosi: "I'll take care of you for life!" Goddess: "I've had so many boyfriends, don't you mind me?" "Diaosi
"You were just deceived, I know you're a very pure girl!" The goddess was moved and burst into tears. Diaosi: "Don't cry anymore, I'll give you some food below!" The goddess nodded and reached out to unzip the diaosi's pants! —Ruthless World。。。。。 My real name is Bing Xin. I am a famous anti-fascist singer with over 2,000 inventions in my lifetime. My representative works include
A couple finally squeezed off the bus. The girlfriend complained: "Don't do that on the bus in the future." The boyfriend asked confusedly: "What?" The girlfriend said shyly: "Your hand was all the way in my pants." The boyfriend was shocked: "Who?" The girlfriend exclaimed: "Wasn't it you?" The boyfriend turned to look at the departing bus and shouted: "Damn it!"
The village chief and the women's director lived in buildings opposite each other. One day, both of them were relaxing on their balconies. The village chief said: "Come over and have some fun?" The women's director asked: "How can I get over there?" The village chief: "I will harden my jj and put it on your balcony, you step over to come." The women's director: "I won't fall for that, if you soften halfway, won't I fall and die?" The village chief: "No, I practiced Emei Qigong for virility, I can keep it up." The women's director: "Still no, after finishing, how would I step back?"
See who shakes the most! Hilarious! Three old men compete over whose hands shake the most. A: "I almost shaved off my nose while shaving!" B: "When I was pulling weeds, I cut all the flowers in my yard!" C: "Just a little morning pee, and I ended up ejaculating three times."
Tears again — my roommate is tall, rich, and handsome. Tonight he is going on a date with my goddess. When he came back, he collapsed directly on the bed! I decisively took off his pants and sucked that thing... I finally tasted the goddess! (The tall, rich, handsome guy laughed, actually he used a condom.)
A lady went to have an artificial insemination procedure. When she took off her clothes and lay on the bed, she found the doctor also started taking off his pants! The lady screamed: "What are you doing?" The doctor answered: "Really sorry, the bottled one ran out."
A man returned from an African expedition and was talking about his experiences in Africa. A female colleague asked: "I heard African savannas are very dangerous. What scared you the most?" The man bragged: "Once I was peeing in the bushes when suddenly someone fired a gun at me, I was terrified!" The female colleague wondered: "Why would someone shoot at you?"The man explained: "I am urinating, maybe that person thinks it is an elephant's trunk."
The female teacher finished the sex education class and said: "Students, if anyone still doesn't understand, you can raise your hand to ask questions." A student raised his hand and asked: "Teacher, during sex, is it more pleasurable for men or for women?" The teacher explained for a long time, but the student still did not understand, so the teacher gave a metaphor: "When you pick your nose with your hand, is it the nose that feels good or the hand?" The student thought for a bit: "Hmm, it's the nose that feels good!" Another student asked: "During sex, is it more comfortable to use a condom or not?" The teacher asked back: "When you pick your nose, is it more comfortable to wear gloves or not?" The student replied: "Oh, certainly more comfortable not to wear gloves when picking your nose!" Then another student raised her hand: "Teacher, why can't women have sex during their period?" The teacher gave her another metaphor: "When your nose is bleeding, do you still pick your nose with your hand?" The student thought: "Oh, that's true!" Soon another student raised their hand: "Since women feel more pleasure than men, why do women resist when men force themselves during sex?" The teacher got angry and slammed the table, saying: "If someone came on the street to pick your nose while you were walking, would you want that? Ah!"
My niece is only three years old. Once she came to my house to play. My mother held her in her arms, and then… then the little girl reached out to poke my mother's private parts… I really wanted to say at that moment: 'Stop poking, it's empty.'"
"I'm scared." 'Don't worry, it doesn't hurt.' 'Really doesn't hurt?' 'Really.' 'But… it's my first time.' 'What's the matter, it's my first time too.' 'Okay then, go gently.' 'Mm, stretch out your hand, I'll trim your nails.'"
A girl said she had a toothache and asked me to accompany her to the hospital for a checkup. The final diagnosis was: gum damage caused by friction with hard objects… fine, I started imagining again…"
Three bats were together. The first bat took a drink and finished it, smiling at the other two. The second bat said: 'That's nothing.' Then it took a drink with lemon, finished it, and also smiled at the other two. The third bat said: 'That's nothing.' Took a drink and finished it. The other two bats were left speechless. What does this mean?"
A girl said to a boy: 'Actually, I am quite shy. I blush whenever I see a boy.'The boy said to the girl, "Actually, I'm pretty shy too. As soon as I see a shiny girl, my face turns pale." The girl said, "You're a pervert!! (Blood loss from the face) When I first started middle school, I chose a taekwondo class, and every class I had to wear a gi and tie a white belt... Once, the teacher saw a classmate whose belt wasn't fastened properly and asked how you tied it, dragging it so long. In the crowd, someone blurted out: 'The white belt is abnormal.' In my class, there was a boy who liked to pick his nose and then rub it under the chair, so no one dared to touch his chair. The homeroom teacher once came to the class to grade homework, but that guy didn't show up, so the homeroom teacher lifted the chair onto the podium with one hand... The homeroom teacher stared at his own hand for a moment, then went to the bathroom and washed his hands for twenty minutes... From then on, the homeroom teacher preferred to stand rather than move the chair casually... Just now, chatting with a female friend, I was left speechless by her remarks, leaving me feeling soft on the inside... "Who still uses cucumbers nowadays? Isn't that rustic? Now everyone uses yam, it's thicker! Longer! The biggest advantage is that after peeling, you bring your own lubricant—it feels even better. Cucumbers aren't as thoughtful as yam! A class reunion, full of emotions. Li Qiyue tearfully complained: She's already 26 this year, not ugly looks, and has a great personality. How come she has no boyfriend and no one pursuing her?! …… The whole room fell silent, unable to comfort her. At that moment, Yi Huang casually said, "That's because you still can't properly understand yourself." ...... Jinglu and Tongtong went to the public bathroom together. Tongtong had just taken off her jeans when Jinglu came up, slapped Tongtong's butt, and said, "Oh, you and your husband are wearing couple's underwear..." The whole room fell silent... -_-|| My wife asks him, "If I go crazy, will you still love me?" The husband firmly said, "I love you!" The wife pondered for a moment, then said worriedly, "You really love my appearance!" The art academy was holding a body science class. A girl was drawing when she suddenly threw her pen on the ground! The girl angrily scolded the male model, "One moment it's bigger, the next small, and you still can't let anyone draw it!" "After the tsunami, a decaying male corpse floated in the village, only the lower body was visible!" A village woman looked and said, "This is not my man, nor the village chief, nor the accountant." The village girl looked over and said, "This is neither my brother-in-law nor brother-in-law!"At this time, a widow walked over, touched it and said, 'Everyone go back, it's not from our village.' The women all went back, and the widow laughed, 'Now the wooden man and I have taken it,' dragged the corpse away, and secretly took credit.
A male student actually had three testicles, but he didn't know if he was normal! Because he was too embarrassed to ask his classmates, he decided to ask his brother. The next morning while having breakfast, he asked his brother: 'Brother, if the two of us together have five testicles, would that be strange?' His brother was shocked and asked, 'Huh? Did you grow four?!'
A man had a crush on a female colleague at his company. But the female colleague was indifferent toward him. The man mustered up the courage to send her a text: 'Are you free tonight?' After receiving the text, the female colleague replied cautiously: 'What do you want to do?' A while later, she received another message from the man: 'I want to!'
A woman asked her boyfriend, puzzled: 'Why is it that men with many girlfriends are admired, but women with many boyfriends are despised?!' The boyfriend sighed and said: 'It's like a key that can open many locks—it's called a master key! But a lock that can be opened by many keys indicates that there's something wrong with the lock.'
A farmer's cornfield, which she had worked hard to cultivate, was growing very well! Unexpectedly, a bull from family A and a cow from family B in heat ran rampant through the cornfield and ruined it. The farmer tried to negotiate compensation without success, so she went to court to sue both family A and B. The judge ruled that both should each compensate half. The bull's owner, family A, was dissatisfied and said: 'I should only pay at most one-third.' The judge asked, 'Why?' Family A said, 'Because the cow from family B stepped on the corn with four feet, but my bull only used two feet.'
A woman, feeling frustrated, told her female colleague: 'I now have to do my best to avoid getting pregnant!' The female colleague asked curiously: 'Avoid getting pregnant?? Doesn't your husband just have a sterilization surgery?' The woman painfully replied: 'It's tough!! That's why I must be very careful!'
During a meeting, the boss forgot to pull up his zipper. The female secretary reminded him several times, but the boss remained indifferent! The female secretary couldn't help reminding him again, but the boss got angry and asked her: 'What did you see?' The secretary shyly replied: 'I saw the area code of Beijing!'"After the beautiful Mongolian actress finished her performance, the director came on stage to meet her. The director held her hand, warmly asked about her well-being, lingered for a long time without letting go, and kindly asked, 'What's your name?' The actress excitedly replied, 'Ma Le Ge Bi Song Shou.'
A man had a dream. He dreamed he was in a forest when suddenly a deep voice came from above: 'Add one or subtract one?' The man didn't know what to answer, so he casually said, 'Add one!' When he woke up in the morning, he was astonished to find he had an extra penis! Frightened, he rushed to the hospital. After hearing his statement, the doctor slapped his thigh and said, 'How could you be so stupid! Go back and continue dreaming. Next time they ask you, just say subtract one!' So he hurried home to bed. Sure enough, he experienced the same scene again in his dream, but this time the voice from above said, 'Add two or subtract two?'
A man just finished his wedding night. The next day at work, he kept sighing. His colleague came over and asked with concern, 'What's wrong?' The man helplessly replied, 'This morning, out of habit, I gave my wife 100 yuan.' His colleague said, 'Oh my, that's bad!' The man continued, 'Even worse, my wife also habitually took 20 yuan from me.'
A butcher was caught visiting prostitutes! He was fined 4,000 yuan and issued a receipt! One day, the butcher's wife found the receipt but could only recognize the 4,000 yuan, not the words 'visiting prostitutes.' She asked her husband, 'Why were you fined 4,000 yuan?' The butcher hesitated for a moment and replied, 'For injecting water into the meat!'
A beautiful wife cooked a delicious meal for her husband! Wife: 'Honey, how's the shredded meat?' Husband: 'So-so.' Wife: 'And the fish?' Husband: 'Acceptable.' Wife: 'Then the tofu?' Husband: 'Average.' Unable to hold back, the wife shouted, 'Can't you just say it's good?' The husband, drinking soup, shouted, 'It's scalding hot!'
The younger sister-in-law and the elder sister-in-law are both very literate! One day, the younger sister-in-law was reading the "Book of Han." The elder sister-in-law approached and jokingly said, 'The young lady's mind is on Han while reading.' The younger sister-in-law blushed deeply and felt very shy! The next day, the younger sister-in-law and elder sister-in-law went out shopping. The sun was strong; the elder sister-in-law quickly raised her hand to block the sunlight! As the younger sister-in-law approached, she quietly said, 'Sister-in-law, covering the sun with your hand.'""An old man and an old woman watched a pornographic DVD, and the two of them burst into tears! The old man cried as he said, 'Almost at the end of our lives, and only now do we know there are so many positions; what a loss!' The old woman, sniffling and tearful, said, 'I've lived a whole life and only now discover that thing can even be eaten raw!'\n\nA couple went on a trip and passed by a restroom. The man wanted to go in to relieve himself! By chance, a few foreigners went in with him. After a while, the man hurriedly ran out. The woman curiously asked, 'Finished so quickly?' The man replied in frustration, 'Sigh, it's really embarrassing! Better stay away for now, better stay away…'\n\nXiaolong's father was frequently on business trips, leaving Xiaolong and his mother at home alone. One day, Xiaolong's mother couldn't contain her desire, so she took off her clothes, touched herself, and said to the mirror, 'I need a man, I need a man!' This scene was coincidentally seen by Xiaolong. In a hurry to go to school, Xiaolong didn't think much and went off. When Xiaolong returned from school, he shockingly discovered his mother with a man in bed! Xiaolong was stunned and quickly ran into his room, took off his clothes, mimicked his mother's movements, and said to the mirror, 'I want a bicycle, I want a bicycle!'\n\nAn elderly man lived with three generations under one roof. One day, he came home and bought a dish called 'bull penis'. During the meal, the daughter-in-law, finding the shape unusual and taste peculiar, asked, 'Dad, what's this dish called?' The father-in-law awkwardly said, 'Just eat, don't worry about it!' When she pressed further, he could only answer, 'It's from an animal!' She asked, 'Do you have it on you?' He replied, 'Yes!' She asked again, 'Do I have it on me?' The father-in-law thought for a moment and replied, 'Sometimes yes, sometimes no…'\n\nA young woman went to a pharmacy for the first time to buy condoms. The shop owner asked, 'What size do you need?' The woman thought for a moment, then opened her mouth and said, 'Ah~~ probably about this big!'\n\nTwo brothers were lying in bed having a night chat. The younger brother asked, 'What's the difference between a pornographic film and an erotic film?' The older brother said, 'Erotic films focus more on art.' The younger brother asked, 'Then what about pornographic films?' The older brother replied, 'Pornographic films focus more on technique!'"
