Friend's signature: "If I don't say it, you won't understand." This is the distance between us. "What a poetic sentence!" Someone commented below: "This is a mute and an idiot's love story." "Have you ever heard of the shortest joke?" "What is it?" The London Olympics? ""You really can't hide anything." Actually, no matter how beautiful a woman is, it's useless. Her nostrils are still stuffed with boogers, and a finger poking can bring out thick mucus over ten centimeters long, with shredded flesh still stuck between her teeth. The cum on her tongue coating that accumulates over time can't be rinsed clean, and her mouth stinks unbearably, mixed with the scent of countless men. When the underwear is taken off, the strong aroma of gynecological inflammation makes you want to vomit. Looking closely, thick white discharge peeks faintly in the grass. Two little boys stood at the entrance of the household registration office, curiously watching a couple who had just registered their marriage. One boy said, "Should we scare them a little?" Another said, "Sure!" He immediately ran in and shouted to the groom, "Hey, Dad!" "That time, when we joined a group to visit Wuzhen, we visited a Taoist temple at a scenic spot. We lined up to get zodiac signs and were interpreted one by one by the Taoist priest. When it was my turn, the priest looked at my face and said something that really woke me up: Benefactor, please close the front door."
At a snack shop, it's very hot in summer, around 38 degrees Celsius. A woman said, "Boss, get me a drink." The owner said, "Do you want something cold?" The woman said angrily, "Don't you know how many days women feel uncomfortable?!" The owner said helplessly, "Who knows? You didn't even put sanitary pads on your face." On the way to grandma's house, the driver shouted, "There's a dog ahead, those standing down, squat down!" The car was stopped by **, and seeing a crowd of people squatting, said, "This is overloaded!" Why are you squatting! An old lady timidly said, "The driver said there were dogs ahead and told us to squat down." We were fined 200 yuan, but we ended up with a 2000 fine...
One time when grading elementary school Chinese papers, they asked to use "Yes..." "Yes..." "Also..." to make sentences. Here's how I wrote: Yesterday I went to grandma's house. Grandma brought me a chicken leg. After finishing it, I asked grandma if there were any, and grandma replied, "Yes, yes, there is!" "
The child stole a parrot raised at the brothel and brought it home. As soon as it entered, the parrot called: Moved!" Seeing his mother call again: The boss has changed! Seeing his sister, he called again: The young lady has changed too!Seeing his dad, he shouted again: "Damn, still an old client!"
Today I went to see a car race. After the race, reporters surrounded the champion and asked, "You always finished last in races before, and this time you won the championship in one go. What's your secret?" The driver shivered and said, "I...I...my brakes were broken!"
After the princess had slept in the castle for 200 years, finally a prince came. The prince bent down and kissed the princess, and the curse was lifted. The princess woke up and looked at the prince shyly. The prince sighed in relief and said, "Thank God, great-aunt, you finally woke up..."
What is the cheapest thing in history? Don't get me wrong, it's not me. The answer: cigarettes. Reasons include five points as follows:
(1) Basically, any man enjoys smoking them.
(2) Once you see them, you smoke.
(3) If you don't smoke for a day, you'll miss them.
(4) Even if it costs money, you still smoke them.
(5) Even some women occasionally can't resist smoking them.
These points show that cigarettes are the most irritating to have, thus cigarettes are the cheapest thing in history.
"Have you seen Brokeback Mountain?"
"I haven't seen Brokeback 1 and 2 yet, how can I see Brokeback 3?"
"..........."
When my friend and I had just moved, there was no TV in the house, and we were very bored. So we pretended that there was a TV on the table, and both of us acted like we had remotes and could change channels. That bastard kept changing channels. I told her to stop, but she didn't listen, and later we ended up fighting.
Back in the days when making a phone call, numbers weren't pressed like today, you had to put your finger into holes on a dial and rotate it. Once upon a time… Xiaoming's home phone number was 44444, and often weird calls would come in… One day at midnight, the phone rang, and Xiaoming picked up the receiver. On the other end, a pitiful voice said: "Excuse me, is this 44444? Can you help me call 119 for help? I'm in so much trouble."
Once I went out, and a group of girls stopped me. They said I was handsome. I denied it, so they beat me and said I was hypocritical.
An old lady, before dying, held her husband's hand and confessed: "Old man, let me tell you the truth, our three sons are not yours." The old man comforted her: "It's okay, although the three sons are not mine, the three grandsons are definitely mine..."
The teacher said: "One is long, one is short, one comes fast, one comes slow. The short one is lazy by nature, the long one is busy and goes around. Can you guess what this is?"Tom said: "Dad and Mom."
The patient said to the psychiatrist: "I always feel like I am a bird."
The doctor: "Oh, that's serious. Since when has it started?"
The patient: "Since I was a little bird."
The prince encountered a beggar on the road and found that he looked very similar to him!
The prince asked the beggar with great disdain: "Did your mother ever work as a palace maid?"
The beggar angrily replied: "Your mother only entered the palace, but my father used to be a carriage driver in the palace!"
A patient consulted a doctor about cold hands and feet.
Doctor: "When I feel that my hands and feet are cold, I hug my wife, and then they get warm and feel cozy…"
Patient: "That sounds like a method worth trying… So… may I ask when your wife would be available?"
In the office, a female colleague asked a male colleague: "Do you think once a man is married he is doomed?"
The male colleague was stunned, then replied: "I don't know, but if you marry me, from then on you can play with eggs!"
I parked my bicycle in a bike shed, and when I returned, the bike was gone, only the bike lock was left on the side. The lock was not broken and could still be used. I felt it was a pity to throw it away, so I locked it onto someone else's bicycle and left.
In the first semester of freshman calculus, it was a public course, so we were in a big classroom. One time, we ran out of chalk, so we asked a classmate to go next door to get some. A boy from the back row went out, and a few seconds later he appeared at the front door of our classroom and said, "Teacher, give me some chalk…"
The petrified teacher: "Oh, so the other classroom has no chalk, right? Then go back."
Then he went out the front and came in through the back door: "Teacher, the other classroom doesn't have any either~"
Patient: "Doctor, it seems like I am half-deaf in my ears. I can only hear half of things."
Doctor: "Is that so? Then let me test. 88."
Patient: "44."
The chef kindly said to the pig: "How do you want to be eaten? Don't be afraid, feel free to speak openly."
Pig: "Actually… I don't want to be eaten."
Chef: "See, you digressed, right?"
Pig: ...
One time, the teacher was explaining a family genetic pedigree chart. The teacher asked: If his daughter has a disease, and she marries a normal man and has children, what is the probability that the child will inherit the genetic disease? I answered: It could be zero! The teacher asked why!I said: Don't forget that there is a disease in the world called infertility! Teacher: Get out of here!!
A woman is learning to drive and taking her road test. The previous person gets out, and it's her turn. She's very nervous! She gets out from the right side, walks around to the left side, opens the car door... then shouts loudly: “Coach! Where's the steering wheel?” The examiner turns to look at her calmly and says: “You got out the back door…”
When your girlfriend or wife is pregnant, people only pat her belly and say “congratulations”! No one thinks to pat your little dick and say, “Good job!”
Man: “Do you believe in fate?” Woman: “Yes.” Man: “Then do you believe in reincarnation?” Woman: “Yes.” Man: “If there is a next life, I would like to become a bridge for you, waiting for you to walk over me.” Woman is moved… Man: “Then I'd look up to see what color underwear you're wearing……”
Afternoon power outage, the company gives half a day off. At home, my husband is lying on the sofa reading the newspaper, and I play hide-and-seek with my daughter. I hide behind the curtains, then see my daughter lying in front of the sofa. She says to the dark underside of the sofa: Auntie, come out quickly, I see you…#
Yesterday I fished a bottle and found a girl from my school. We chatted, met three days later, and after having dinner and shopping, it was nearly eight o'clock. I insisted on going back, but the girl hugged me and wouldn't let me, saying I didn't have to go back that night. I firmly refused because I still had to see the family in Wenzhou...**.
I heard there is a bird in the world without feet; it can only keep flying and flying. When tired, it sleeps in the wind. This bird can only land once in its lifetime, and that is when it dies. I used to feel that this bird was so pitiful and my heart felt sad! Later, a friend told me the bird is actually called: Angry Bird… coo coo…
Ah Dai envied the emperor in TV dramas. Once he saw the emperor going to the morning court, suddenly inspired, he couldn't help but pose like the emperor, shouted “The emperor has arrived!” and then proudly asked his wife: “Do I look like him?” His wife ignored him, he asked again: “Do I look like him?” With no choice, his wife replied: Yes. The man pressed further: “What looks like? Temperament? Acting?” His wife rolled her eyes at him and said: “You look like the yelling!”.
