It was pouring rain outside, and I was anxious to go deliver an umbrella to my girlfriend at college. But before I went out, I got a call from her saying that my buddy was already waiting for her at the school gate. Suddenly, I felt very frustrated. That night, he knocked on my door, and I punched him in the face as soon as I saw him: 'You've gotten addicted to messing with my girl, huh!' He covered his swollen cheek and smiled wryly: 'The one I really want is you. With such heavy rain, could I really let you go pick up that woman alone?'
Yesterday, a male student at Sun Yat-sen University gave the girl he liked a bed sheet dyed with his semen over 212 days. He dried and folded this 3.5-pound bed sheet (which was quite difficult; it was reportedly as hard as a brick) and named it "I Want to Make a Person with You," swearing to the girl that each of the 212 acts was for her, and he hadn't thought about anyone else. The girl was very moved and then called the police.
Five people went mountain climbing. Halfway, one died... Later at night, they found a house. It was very dark and empty inside... Outside, heavy rain and thunder were happening, and the four people were very scared... Someone suggested playing a game~~~~ The four stood in the four corners of the house... Then they took turns going to another corner to touch that person's hand, like: A touches B, B touches D, D touches C, C touches A. They played until dawn................. Can you figure out what happened?
University graduation was approaching. They had been in love for four years but never exchanged a promise. On the train going home, he had 32 stops, she had 21. She said, disappointed, 'Wake me up at my stop,' and then slept. After a while, she was awakened, the train had passed several stops, and he turned to her with a gentle smile: 'Come home with me.' She giggled, and tears rolled down her cheeks. When they reached the small mountain village where he was born and raised, she was sold to a man in his fifties who was single.
He held her hand while walking in the snow. The girl was obviously impatient, brushing snow off her hair and asking: 'I said we should break up, so why are you taking me here?' He said, 'Just walk with me one last time.' She asked, 'Aren't you cold?' He shook his head. 'How could I be?' She no longer spoke, only hoping the walk would end soon. The moment he let go, he almost cried. 'I always like walking with you in the snow, because one small mistake and we could grow old together.' 'But the sky is clear now, where did the snow come from?' She looked up and saw him scratching his head.New Year's Day is coming, and many people around me have started planning to confess. I want to do it too, but I'm afraid that after confessing, I won't even be able to be my roommate. Husband, I'm not coming home tonight. I'll sleep with Mom at my mom's place. " The man hung up the phone and casually said to the woman lying beside him, "Faced with such deception, I can't continue this romance. Send a message to your daughter." With that, he turned and got dressed...... He was the one delivering gas to her downstairs, helping her breathe every month. He liked her, and she knew. At that time, she was young and beautiful, with many suitors. One day, when the house caught fire, he risked his life to save her. Due to disfigurement, her former admirers vanished. Only he never abandoned her and married her. Five years later, the bus they were on had an accident. He suffered a severe head injury while protecting her, died from excessive blood loss, and on his deathbed, he said to her: I'm sorry! She said: It's okay! "Well... I set that fire. That way, you can be with me... Together..." "I know. I hired the bus driver. I bought your accident insurance." "New message on my phone: "I've decided to confess!" "He and she have always been good friends, even though she has always loved him," "Oh... Then hang in there." ""I've been outside her house for a long time, I don't dare knock." "Be brave and knock! I'm here for you!" "Do you think she'll agree?" "I don't know." She put down her phone and burst into tears. Her phone vibrated again, but it was a call. "Open the door, I still don't dare to knock." She excitedly went to open the door. He looked at her tear-streaked face and said, "Why are you crying..." Is your brother there?
At noon, I overheard a man and a woman talking in the cafeteria. The man said, "Come to my dorm, okay? I miss you!" The woman replied: "It's been going on these days." The man said: "It's fine, I just want to see you." Woman: "Alright." Then she ordered the dishes. The woman said: "I can't eat spicy food, I have mouth ulcers." The man hesitated for a moment and said, "Don't you still have something to do? I happen to have something to do tomorrow too. Come to my place another day."
I called my girlfriend on my buddy's phone. As soon as I answered, before I could say anything, she called me 'husband.' So smart, she immediately knew it was me!It is said that when I was born, a cloud of auspicious clouds appeared in the northern sky, gradually drifting from far to near, drifting onto the roof of my house and transforming into one word: handsome. - When Dad saw me, he cried hoarsely for a month and a half. He refused to believe I was a child inherited from his chromosomes, rushing several times to my mother's bedside with a kitchen knife, waving it and threatening to chop me into mince. My mother protected me with her death, and only then did I survive. Later, my mother, to prove her innocence, took my father to the hospital for a paternity test. The doctor lifted the blanket and cried after just one look, wiping his nose and saying, 'Go back, this isn't your son, not anyone else's. No human can have such a handsome child.......' A young nurse passing by saw me in swaddling clothes, immediately found a box of red ink stick, printed my fingerprints on it, and loosened her hair in a flash. She murmured to me: 'Long hair is left for you; if I do not marry you in this life, Her long hair unchanged, with a clear lamp and ancient Buddhist temple, combing her own ...... in her boudoir. -
Mother hurried outside, jogging along the way, and accidentally ran into an elderly lady waiting to give birth in the obstetrics and gynecology next door. The old lady grabbed her mother and kindly said, "Child, why are you anxious? What's so upset about it?" Don't bump the child...... -
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My mother was annoyed by her pestering and yanked off the blanket. The old lady immediately followed me like a lunatic, tears streaming down her face, slamming down on the ground, shaking her head and shouting: I was born 50 years earlier!!! Mother ...... - When I was fifteen, I still didn't dare go to school. It wasn't that I hadn't been to kindergarten, but after half a day in kindergarten, I didn't dare go. The whole school, teachers, and principals went crazy. My face was swollen like a watermelon from the little girl's kisses, and the aunties beat the kids hard—not for any other reason, but because they were in the same age group as me. Only when the military and police intervened did the spasms finally subside. Once, feeling bored, I sneaked out of the house at night. I was planning to run away if I saw a female animal, but after I left, all I got was a scream of shock—no one chased me. I cautiously turned around and saw that they had all collapsed on the beach...... "I'm not human, I'm a god." There was another court lawsuit against me, accusing me of ruining a family's happiness. The wife of that family saw photos of me secretly taken when I was six years old and actually filed for divorce from her husband. After the court accepted the case, they issued me a summons.After I received the subpoena, I expressed my willingness to appear in court because this kind of life was truly unbearable. However, the subpoena never made it back to the court. Since I had signed it, it was intercepted by the postman along the way... Later, the postman was sentenced to 122 years in prison. (Go away~\ The TV station came to interview me, the glass that resisted the camera fainted three times, and the young girl responsible for the transcript actually wrote my Chinese in Italian mixed with Spanish. When it aired, because the TV station had pixelated my face, the next day it was smashed by someone... \ The United Nations allocated special funds to build me a hiding place, located at the summit of Mount Everest in the Himalayas. I enjoyed the tranquility, truly tranquil, the blue sky was incredibly close, and God was almost within reach. -\ -\ I was calm, but also extremely frustrated. I stood on the summit and shouted loudly: I am not handsome!!!!!!!!! -\ -\ Suddenly, a hauntingly soothing voice came from the sky: No, you are lying... -\ God, can't you just lie to me... I was furious, extremely furious!!! I questioned God: Why did you make me so handsome!!!!! -\ -\ God's soothing voice came again: What did you say? -\ -\ I went limp all over and cried: Why am I so handsome... -\ -\ God was silent... After a while, God finally spoke: You are humble... At that moment, I wanted to jump off the summit... Suddenly, a group of people rushed up the mountain, -\ -\ I went mad!!! -\ I stood on a rock at the edge of a precipice, hysterically: If you dare come up!!! I will jump!! The crowd froze in place, an astonishing silence... -\ -\ The crowd began to stir, many people, as if possessed, jumped off the cliff. More and more! In the end, only a few fainted and remained on the mountain, the rest all jumped off the cliff. When I looked down, they had laid their bodies as a soft mat for me, in case I slipped... \ I was utterly alone... -\ -\ I was given special protection by women, who considered it an honor just to see me.Since the last Everest incident, scientists have discovered that human potential is actually so strong. During that Everest incident, 10% of people suffered from terminal illnesses, 10% were disabled, and 10% were intellectually disabled... Many female cancer patients, just to see me, had been struggling for over ten years and had even become cancer-fighting stars. Some disabled women, after seeing me, threw away the crutches and wheelchairs that had accompanied them for decades, and a few even broke the world 100-meter record multiple times. \ Helplessly, the Third World War broke out. Males, in order to defend their dignity, used atomic bombs... -\ -\ After the explosion, I was the only survivor in the world because I had been protected in a nuclear-proof zone. When I stepped out, the land was desolate, filled with the aftermath and ruins of war... Suddenly, I found life on the ground! It was a cockroach!!! The cockroach's vitality was stronger than anyone expected. I held the cockroach in my hands, tears streaming down my face, and the cockroach was trembling all over. When I looked around, I realized beneath my feet was a field of cockroaches! All female!!! And on another coastline, all the male cockroaches were eyeing them intently. Who would have thought that the Fourth World War on Earth would happen between cockroaches... \ Postscript: Hundreds of millions of years after my death, future humans were born. They found my skeleton and reconstructed my appearance, burying me in the Arctic. Above my tombstone, a cloud floats year-round, constantly changing, with only one word: Handsome... —_ — _________ Taken from "329070553? Chronicle"
After my brother graduated from university, he settled in another city and found me a beautiful sister-in-law. One Spring Festival, I went to visit my brother. At night, my brother had to work overtime and couldn't come home, so it was just my sister-in-law and me. The southern winter is very short; by the time spring comes, it's usually not that cold anymore. That night, the sky was heavy, and the light spring rain gradually intensified, occasionally accompanied by some spring thunder. I was hiding in bed preparing to sleep when my sister-in-law came into my room. I asked her what was wrong, and she said she was afraid of the thunder. She was usually with my brother and wasn't scared, but tonight she was very afraid and wanted me to stay with her. I wasn't very sleepy either, so I got up and kept her company for a while.I saw my sister-in-law wearing a very short, slightly sheer nightdress. "Sister-in-law, you have such a great figure." "Really? Your brother never said that about me." My sister-in-law lay down on the bed, and suddenly there was a muffled thunderclap. She was so startled she hugged me. To comfort her, I held her in my arms and stroked her back. Gradually, she fell asleep. I was a bit sleepy too, and in a daze, we fell asleep together. In the morning, my brother came home. We hadn't woken up yet, and the door opened. He saw me and my sister-in-law sleeping together, so he smiled and said, 'My sister is the one who knows she's sensible. I know your sister-in-law is afraid of thunder. I was worried she wouldn't sleep well last night.' The female teacher I had a crush on earlier spat downstairs, and I ran over and caught it. It happened to fall right into my mouth. The phlegm was sweet, smooth, and crystal clear. I quickly gave a thumbs-up and praised: Good phlegm! Good phlegm!! The female teacher blushed and gave me a charming smile. She shyly walked away, holding the textbook in her hands. "Teacher! Your phlegm! The teacher glanced back with a smile: "It's your phlegm~" The classmates nearby cast envious glances, while I held my head high and strode toward the classroom, hiding my merits and fame... Walking into the classroom, I was still savoring the phlegm. It had a faint fragrance—sweet but not greasy, greasy but not greasy. With a "gulp," I wanted to greedily swallow it. Suddenly, I realized the teacher's phlegm was truly unique—not only sweet, but also very chewy! It could be chewed slowly like chewing gum, the more flavorful it became. When I was about to swallow it, I gulped down but couldn't swallow it. Sigh, the phlegm was too pusy and sweet, my teeth couldn't bite down~
Sudden reaction: The teacher just came out of the principal's office~
\ Come and take a look here. The People's Republic of China is a country governed by law, loving the people like children, justice, fairness, and openness. National leaders work day and night, applauding our good country.
The blind father-in-law and the mute daughter-in-law who can hear sounds depend on each other. One day, the father-in-law hears the sound of firecrackers.
So he asks the daughter-in-law, "What kind of celebration is setting off firecrackers?" The daughter-in-law rubbed her own butt against her father-in-law's butt twice, and the father-in-law said, "Someone is engaged (butt engagement)." The father-in-law then asked, "Whose family is engaged?" The daughter-in-law placed her father-in-law's hands on her chest, and the father-in-law understood: "It was the second mistress's family engaged to the engagement." The father-in-law then asked, "Which second madam's family is engaged to?"The daughter-in-law placed her hand between her father-in-law's legs and touched it. He said, "Is that Erdan?" The daughter-in-law shook her head and touched again. This time the father-in-law understood: "It's Zhuzi!" The father-in-law asked again, "Which girl are you talking about?" The daughter-in-law touched the back of her buttocks with her father-in-law's hand, and he said, "It's from the back groove." Finally, the father-in-law asked, "What's the girl's name?" The daughter-in-law then used her father-in-law's hand to touch the front of herself. He said, "Oh, so it's called Xiaofeng!" The father-in-law asked again, "What does Xiaofeng's man do?" The daughter-in-law thought for a moment, then reached out and grabbed the thing in her father-in-law's crotch and rubbed it hard. Gradually, he started to feel it, and it hardened down there. She sighed, "What's wrong with it? Why make a stick! What's Zhuzi's surname?" The daughter-in-law sighed, helplessly unbuttoned her clothes, and began to have sex with her father-in-law. While doing it, the father-in-law said in pleasure, "So Xiaofeng's man, Zhuzi, is surnamed Jiao!!" The father-in-law asked again, "How old is Zhuzi?!" The daughter-in-law then moved vigorously 39 times in a row. The father-in-law said, "Oh, 39 now, if it were even bigger, the father-in-law asked again, "Zhuzi's family must have spent quite a bit of money, right?" The daughter-in-law put her father-in-law's finger down there. The father-in-law said, "Still so stingy!" (Inserting B) The father-in-law asked again, "Where is the wedding held at Zhuzi's house?" The daughter-in-law still put her father-in-law's finger down there. The father-in-law said, "Ah, in the ditch?!" The father-in-law asked again, "How was the weather on the wedding day??" The daughter-in-law still put her father-in-law's finger down there. The father-in-law said, "Ah, yin?!" The father-in-law asked again, "What kind of snack goes with the wedding banquet?" The daughter-in-law reached out and grabbed the thing in her father-in-law's crotch and put it in her mouth. The father-in-law stretched back and forth and said, "Oh, so it's chicken dinner!" The father-in-law asked again, "What is Xiaofeng's personality like?" The daughter-in-law placed her father-in-law's hand on the si and plucked one of the two ...... pieces. The father-in-law suddenly understood: "Oh, pure (single lips)!" The father-in-law asked again, "Are Xiaofeng's eyes big?" The daughter-in-law reached out and grabbed the thing in her father-in-law's crotch, pulled back the outer skin, revealing the head, and moved the eyes away. The father-in-law understood and sighed, "They caught up with Zhao Wei and Aunt Zhao's eyes." (Horse's eyes)! "The father-in-law asked again, "How long have Xiaofeng and Xiao Jiao known each other?"”The daughter-in-law reached out and held the thing in her father-in-law's groin, pushing it toward where she defecated. The father-in-law moaned in pleasure while shouting: 'Just got married right after...!!' The father-in-law then said: 'The villagers say the Zhu family renovated their house really beautifully. What materials did they use?' The daughter-in-law quickly grabbed her breasts and pressed against her father-in-law's lower part, and he immediately understood: 'Oh, they used latex!' Finally, the father-in-law asked: 'Xiaofeng is such a good kid, marrying such a clueless guy, what are they after in that family?' The daughter-in-law put the father-in-law's finger into a specific part below herself. The father-in-law said: 'Ah, I get it, … the clitoris!' He then asked: 'Where does Xiaofeng work?' The daughter-in-law held the father-in-law tightly, grinding his groin with hers. After several rounds, the father-in-law had convulsions and a surge flowed out inside him, leaving him slumped on the bed, weakly saying: 'Oh, she works at the Daily News!' The father-in-law then asked: 'Who served as the master of ceremonies for the wedding?!' The daughter-in-law pinched his lower part: 'Oh, it was that village chief who never replies to posts!'
